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'AITA for telling my daughter I won't be attending her wedding? I never supported them.'

'AITA for telling my daughter I won't be attending her wedding? I never supported them.'

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"AITA for telling my daughter I won't be attending her wedding?"

I'm going to try keep it to the point. I can give more info if anyone needs. My younger daughter, B is getting married next year. She and her fiancé have been together for about 3 years. I've told her I won't be attending the wedding.

It's B's life so she can choose to date and marry whoever she wants, but I haven't been supportive of this relationship from the beginning.

B's fiancé's sister, and her group, heavily bullied my older daughter K in college. They went to the same college, and B's fiance was aware of the whole situation, but never stepped in to stop it and even encouraged it.

B and his fiancé/his sister are saying that it was a long time ago and she was young and dumb then. B is upset and said she understands my point, but I'm leaving her on the biggest day of her life. We had an argument and she said I'm holding grudges and don't care for her happiness. I've still said no.

Info: One of the things they pulled on my daughter, she had very pretty green eyes that his sister was jealous of. A bunch of them held her down and tried to put lemon juice in her eyes. B's fiance was a part of that group that held her down.

If they had genuinely apologized, accepted what they did was very wrong and show remorse, I would be more open. But they haven't and they try to say they were young and didn't know better.

B herself hasn't been understanding and also says the same thing, and that what happened to K is sad but I'm playing favorites and it was a long time ago. This indirectly affected so many people, not just our family.

Q&A with OP where new details come to light:

Abject-Pattern3038 asks:

Question. Have they apologized to her for the bullying? How is the relationship with the fiancé and the bullied daughter? I think if no one has ever apologized especially the fiancé then NTA.

Yes you will probably regret missing the wedding but also why isn’t your daughter the bride upset at fiancé for this. Seems like a lot of mean girl stuff which I can imagine will somehow come up at the wedding.

throwawayaccount5308 OP responded:

They haven't apologized, they can't even if they want to. My daughter died a few years ago

Raffzz15 asks:

Sorry, but was her death related to the bullying in some capacity?

throwawayaccount5308 OP responded:

Yes to a certain degree. She was very depressed and the bullying was the main cause. Her fiancé became a crazy drinker and crashed himself to death. His mom had a heart attack, but thankfully recovered.

I love my daughter, but a lot of people have had to live with the consequences of what they're calling water under the bridge. This is why I felt strongly about this, but now I'm not even sure what to think since I've got people telling me I'm going too far not attending the wedding. Hence this post.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

0512052000 writes:

Dear god that's wild. I'm sorry she went through that and I'm so sorry for your loss. People need to read each sentence before passing judgement. you go to a wedding to be supportive of that relationship and as her father you are 'giving her away' to him. I don't see how you can do that. It's heartbreaking.

yummyforehead writes:

What the absolute f*&k. Honestly OP. I would’ve disowned my child. The fiancé partook in the bullying (holding her down to harm her. He literally helped). I would never forgive anyone who harmed my family.

WholeOk7479 writes:

OMG and the daughter still wants to marry into that family. Seems harsh but If it was my daughter I'd go low or no contact

Traditional-Can-4699 writes:

Apparently nobody is addressing this… what the hell is wrong with your daughter B?!? How can she marry someone that bullied (encouraged bullying) their own sister?! This is sick to me…I have a sister and I would go scorched earth on their asses (bullies I mean).. what did you raise?! Absolutely not the AH!!

Final word from OP:

This had kind of blown up into a situation and I've got people agreeing with me, and also a couple people telling me I'm wrong.

Sources: Reddit
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