When a hapless dad reached out to Reddit for advice, they dragged his sorry butt. Here's his post on AITA, you decided whether he deserves his ruling:
Been with my wife for 2 years; I have two children from a previous relationship who are 5 and 8. Currently 7 months pregnant, been married and living together for 5 months… it’s been an adaption for everyone, mostly the children.
During our relationship even before living together I knew my wife got the occasional headache, she takes pain killers but says they don’t help so she’ll usually spend the day in our bedroom and sleep.
Kids are at home and wife has a headache, I’m working from home. Kids are doing what they normally do, playing. Wife texts me asking to keep them from making so much noise, I was in a meeting when she texted so I didn’t actually look at it till an hour later.
She’s upset, but the way I see it is it’s the children’s home? They’re playing, what am I meant to say “my wife has a headache go read a book?” I don’t think I’m TA (the a-hole), wife does. Figured I’d ask here. AITA (Am I the a-hole) ?
Reddit ruled a unanimous YTA (you're the a-hole).
'my wife has a headache go read a book?” Yes, that's exactly what you should say. My daughter is 3, and when I have a headache I say to her: honey, would you please quiet down, I have a headache. And then she calms down. So your kids should be able to do this too. YTA.
It's almost as if that's how you teach children empathy.
OP seems miffed that they were asked to actually parent their own kids. OP is a massive AH. This woman is heavily pregnant, and OP doesn't seem to think it is their job to parent/wrangle their kids to make her pregnancy a bit more bearable.
Professional_Life_29 points out:
Not to mention she can't take most pain killers to take the edge off the headache because she's pregnant. I ended up in the ER several times for extreme migraines when pregnant because the only safe way to stop them was to get liquid benadryl and an IV so I'd fall asleep.
OP my daughter is 5 and has behavioral issues, and even she did her best to be caring, quiet, and empathetic when I was sick last week. I can understand not seeing the text at first while at work, but your attitude towards her pain and her request that you parent your children is horrible. YTA.
OP’s post makes me think of people who let their kids run wild in restaurants and stores. 'After all, they’re children!' Children aren’t puppies. They can be taught to stfu for a few hours. I can confirm it is hell not being able to take anything for a migraine while pregnant, but honestly when I have a bad one nothing helps anyway except total dark.
GiraffeThoughts lays it all out:
YTA. You gently explain to your kids that wife has a bad headache and making too much noise makes it worse. Ask them if they can play quietly today, watch a movie, or play outside, and give your pregnant wife a break. Teach your kids some compassion for others. I honestly can’t believe that you’re refusing to make accommodations for someone you care about.