I (19F) was going to travel to a different state for a cousin's wedding with my family. Initially they decided to go through train since none of us wants to drive for 7 hours and attend a wedding tired. But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train.
We are going with our uncle's family to make it a small fam vacation as well , so my dad and him agreed on renting a bus so I would be more comfortable .
I had some issues with this too because I do not like to travel with a lot of people especially when all of them are so fond of talking. The noise is not worth it at all . But I still agreed for my family.
Now a day before, I am informed that we have to take a teen relative with us because her parents do not want her to travel alone and she is also invited at the wedding. My parents have no problem with it because they believe we can easily make some room for her in the bus .
However I honestly think one more member will make the environment more suffocated than it already is going to be. I told my parents I won't be travelling with them if she accompanies and they said they can't back out now after they have told her parents they will take her with us .
I have decided to skip this whole wedding and the vacation and stay home .This has put my family in a stressful situation because they think their vacation would be incomplete without me and they do not want to leave me behind.
My mom got overly emotional and said she won't be going either . Dad asked if he should book a bigger bus and I declined because its not about the size of the 'bus'. I never wanted to travel with so many people.
I really did not mean to see them unhappy or stressed when they should be excited for the vacations and I can't help but feel guilty. I feel like I have ruined their trip.
Partassipant 23.5k points·7 hours ago
But I have severe motion sickness and I refused to travel by train .
That doesn't make sense at all. When you've got motion sickness, you'd be bothered by traveling by car or bus. Traveling by train would be the best way to travel, as trains ride more stable and even than cars or busses do.
__serenee__ OP says:
Bus can be stopped for a while if I feel really sick , train can not be.
INFO: Are you in therapy? What did your therapist say about your family’s plan?
__serenee__ OP says:
No, I am not in therapy.
And I want you to know as someone who deals with some similar problems to yours, and who is old enough to be your mom, that I'm really actually proud of you for figuring healthy boundaries at the relatively young age of 19. And to reinforce WHY you're NTA and I don't want you blaming yourself for 'ruining' anything,
__serenee__ OP replied:
Thank you so much for your comment!
YTA. I'm amazed that you have been given enough power in this decision to sway the family dynamic. Why didn't you agree to drive separately and follow them in a vehicle? That way, you are part of the family without exposing them to your trauma/drama.
I'm autistic. Big groups of people stresses me out. You know what I do? I get out my trusty headpones and pratice my coping mechanism that I have taken my own responsibility to figure out
Yes! And grab some noise cancelling headphones. Get on the bus since this ENTIRE thing was an accommodation for YOU. YTA.
Let me get this straight, YOU get motion sickness, so your whole family rents a bus for YOUR comfort, and you’ve decided that you’re not comfortable with one extra person? Seek help.