Few things can tear a family apart faster than a massive secret.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a grandmother asked if she was wrong for giving her granddaughter a DNA test that exposed the truth. She wrote:
This is about my granddaughter Lindsey. Now Lindsey (15) has it rough being the middle child and she looks different from her siblings. I truly was confused how she had blond curly hair while the rest of the family has dark hair. I though genetics was being weird and I love her. The issue came up when Lindsey told me her parents banned her from getting an ancestry test.
I told my son and DIL that there was something fishy around her birth she needs to know. They denied it and told me to leave it alone. Now Lindsey is in high-school and she went to her biology teacher. To put it bluntly, the teacher said it was odd for her to have some traits. She came to me distressed asking me to buy an DNA test since she needs to know. Long story short she is not her mother's kid.
My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up. This has blown up the family while Lindsey is pissed about being lied to, I am getting a ton of heat for getting her a DNA test. Now they won’t talk to me which is making Lindsey even more mad at them.
NTA. Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things. There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not and if you hadn’t helped her she would have found out some other way.
At least this way she knows she has one friend and ally who will be honest with her. Take care of each other during this difficult time.
NTA - people have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, & depression. You put her safety & comfort ahead of your son’s preferences. My grandparents helped my parents lie to me about my adoption & not only have I never forgiven any of them, I’m still in therapy over all of it.
To answer some of the repeated nonsense here: parental rights do not have greater value than a child’s right to access comprehensive medical care, & hiding an adoption does precisely that. Maybe some things, like a child staying healthy, should matter more than a parents' right to lie, gaslight, & manipulate their child as they see fit.
NTA, her parents were causing her distress with their secret keeping and ham-fisted method of trying to stop her from 'finding out' about the secret that basically involved telling her straight to her face that there was something about her ancestry they didn't want her to know so she isn't allowed to get DNA tests.
You aren't to blame for their poor handling of the situation that put the girl in distress and made her come running to you hoping to find the answers to the questions they stupidly made sure to tell her she should be asking. They had every opportunity to handle this in a mature and sensible way but decided that would be too hard and awkward to deal with and stuck their heads in the sand.
Seriously, the very instant they banned her from getting that test the jig was basically up and the only question was 'what exactly are they hiding from me' so far as the girl they were lying to was concerned.
NTA. I had a parallel experience. I look nothing like my siblings so I got my sister and I to take a DNA test. Turns out, we were full siblings, but in looking at 2nd-3rd cousins something wasn’t adding up. Turns out my Mom had a different biological father. Accidentally outed my Grandma’s infidelity.
She was PISSED and shocked we could find that out with modern tech. She had fully intended on taking it to the grave. That girl had a right to know her biological parentage.
While I normally don't like going behind the parents' backs, I think I'll go with NTA. This all stems from the father's actions and his unwillingness to accept the consequences of those actions. 15 is old enough for a kid to not be lied to about stuff like this.
Besides, you've now established yourself as the only family member that Lindsey can trust. That's probably going to be an important role for the next few years.
Edit: Because I have answered this multiple times. They were on the other side of the country when she was born and I met Lindsey when she was about 6 months old. Really not hard to hide the whole thing.
Edit: I am confused why a lot of Redditors are treating this like she is 5 and not 15. All I did was buy it she did all the paperwork and shipped it. It’s not hard.
Clearly, she's NTA - but her son and DIL are giant ones.