'AITA for expecting my mom to babysit in exchange for free rent?'
"AITA for expecting my mom to babysit in exchange for free rent?"
To make a long story somewhat short, I had bought my parents house from them over 2 years ago. Me, my wife and my 3 month old live downstairs, parents live upstairs. I don't charge them any rent, we just split the bills for the utilities.
My wife has been off work for 3 months, and her contract was set to end with her employer in December. However her employer just let her know that they are willing to extend her contract for 6 more months starting in January, and the extra salary and benefits would help a lot. It would be a Monday through Friday schedule.
I asked my mom if she would be able to watch the baby for these 6 months, as the extra 6 months of salary and benefits would help greatly (my salary is higher than my wife's, but her benefits are much better and cheaper. Currently my son is on her health care plan).
I was pretty taken aback when she said that she can't do it, especially since she said she'd be able to watch the baby when my wife was still pregnant (although it was never specified for how long or how many days). She said that she'd be able to do 3 days maximum, and she is worried that she will be too tired and have no life for herself if she watches the baby full time.
I do completely understand that its a lot of work and commitment, but at the same time we are paying the mortgage to keep the roof over our heads, and not charging any kind of rent either. My parents don't have a lot of money either, they get their social security and pensions, but the pensions are not much at all.
I didn't say this to her because I don't want to hang something like that over her head, but I figured that doing us this favor for 6 months would be no issue, especially since it the extra 6 months salary and benefits would help a lot financially. I'm just disappointed, but was wondering if my request is too much?
Also before anyone mentions if my dad would be able to split the load with her, let's just say he's not the most helpful guy in the world and he wouldn't do all that much to help. This is why I understand that it's a lot of work for one person, but at the same time my wife and I are keeping a roof over the family's head.
Questions, answers, comments and updates:
redandfiery333 says:
I’ll just mention, for future reference - leaving out important information like ”parents gave us a big discount on the house” so that people will be on your side is also a d*%k move.
JL6462448 OP responded:
Well it was mutually beneficial, so it pretty much evened out. It wasn't just me getting a discount, it was them becoming debt free and having a place to live as well.
if they sold at market value, once their mortgage was paid off, they wouldn't have had much money left for a new place (they wouldn't have been able to afford a condo, etc. They would be renting somewhere and money would be tight). They might have had to retire to a different state. The deal benefited both of us, and we all wanted to keep the family together.
Also, I never 'promised' that they stay rent free, I just decided to not charge them rent since I know they don't have all that much money. Basically so they can keep up with their savings, in case of any emergencies in the figure, whether it be medical or whatever may come up
And for people asking, she is thankfully in great health. I still get that you'll get more tired more easily at that age though, even if you're in great health.
microwilly says:
Are you aware that full time live-in Nannie’s make like 40k a year on average on top of not paying rent? You’re really just giving your folks the middle finger here.
JL6462448 OP responded:
Ok yeah and I said that I feel like an a**hole for feeling this way, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not holding anything over their head for not agreeing to do it.
Sorry-Lemon8198 says:
Everything that you have said in the post and in the comments points to elder abuse.
JL6462448 OP replied:
OK that's ridiculous, because they were the ones to float the idea of me buying the house at a discounted price in the first place. I agreed because I thought it was a good idea.
Second, I asked if she could watch the baby and she said no. That's it. I am not forcing anyone to do anything.
tbone56er says:
Whether you want to admit it or not, you clearly feel that your mom should watch your child because you allow them to live there for free. You should have made it clear before buying the house that this arrangement would come with strings attached.
JL6462448 says:
I do admit that. However there have just been countless posts ITT stating that I am giving my mom some sort of ultimatum or holding this over her head, when I said right in the OP that nothing of the like happened.
Usual_Complaint_1764 says:
They said 'no' and now you're mad. You're also very entitled.
JL6462448 OP responded:
Right and maybe I'm an a**hole, that's why I made this thread. I'm just making it clear that I didn't threaten with any repercussions if they refused, since for some reason people keep saying that I did.
jmilred says:
YTA. To use 'keeping a roof over their head' as a reason is absurd. They are not serfs, they are your parents
Attention older parents, NEVER make this arrangement with your kids. My aunt did this, sold her house to give money to her kids on the condition that she could live with them, spent thousands to remodel the basement into an apartment, and then her kids kicked her out.