Man tells wife she can't drive in-laws to visit her sick brother; he's called an AH.
When this husband is fed up with his wife's unhealthy behavior, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my wife she can’t drive my In-laws to see her sick brother?'
My wife (Sarah) and I have been married for 27yrs and have 6 kids. Our parents are all in their 80’s. All three have health issues. Sarah is the hardest working person I know.
A year ago she would alternate with brother #1 taking care of my in-laws. On the days she wasn’t taking care of them she took care of my mom. Brother #1 died unexpectedly and now my wife takes care of her parents all day and my wheelchair ridden mom at night.
We still have kids at home and after my mom goes to bed my wife stays up doing laundry and cleaning our home.
A week ago our daughter found Sarah she had passed out. The drs said her blood sugar was too low. I think it’s from exhaustion. I asked our extended families to help out more.
Well this weekend her niece volunteered to take my In-laws. My sister is in town visiting and wanted to have my mom stay with her. Giving Sarah the weekend off in a very long time. I told Sarah I wanted her to not worry about anything except resting.
My wife’s brother #2 called and worked up my mother-in-law. He has some addictions and mixed some drugs and ended up in the hospital. He is supposed to be released tomorrow but, wants my wife to drive my in-laws 12 hrs to visit him.
I told my wife I didn’t want her to travel, especially after passing out a week ago. My wife listened to me, but now I have her family sending messages calling me an AH for stopping my wife from taking my in-laws to see him.
I started to feel like maybe I wasn’t being sensitive to my wife’s family especially after loosing one brother. Am I the A here?
Let's find out.
defiantcurrecy71 writes:
YTA for letting it get this far. She wore herself out taking care of your mother and until she was found passed out from low blood sugar/exhaustion you … did nothing?
skinnydogdevito brings up these fascinating points:
A lot of people in middle age are taking care of both kids and aging parents. It’s not impossible for people to have six kids and aging parents. Is the OP an AH because he has six kids?
Because they have aging parents? Or do you presume Sarah sound not be struggling under the weight of these responsibilities if the OP was sharing the responsibilities equitably?
We don’t know whether the OP’s contributions are equitable. He hasn’t told us what he’s doing to alleviate his wife’s burden. Maybe he’s doing as much as he can but hasn’t mentioned it because he isn’t making this about him.
But even if the OP were doing all he can, it certainly doesn’t surprise me that this situation is overwhelming for Sarah. Six kids, aging parents is a lot even for two people.
ijustneedtolurk writes:
I zoned in on that list immediately. What kind of partner sees their loved one slaving away into the night doing laundry and doesn't bat an eye???
YTA for not equalizing the load and making sure to support your wife setting firm boundaries and taking care of herself first.
If all your parents are elderly and require care, then they need arrangements for caretakers.
YWBTA if you allow her to drive.
Someone with a recent history of extreme fatigue and low blood sugar causing fainting shouldn't be behind the wheel until they're medically cleared by their healthcare team, and certainly not for a 12 hour drive, again with the infirm elderly on top of it???
For her safety and the safety of the parents, nobody should be going on that trip. They all have poor health and require care.
ThotsforTaterTots says:
NTA. But I hope you realize you married a saint who doesn’t seem to have personal boundaries. Make sure you show her how appreciated she is and remind her she’s allowed to prioritize herself too.
Ok-Egg-8436 OP responded:
I will, I am off work tomorrow myself. I am thinking about taking her to her favorite restaurant for dinner.