Lesbian tells dad he'll never see her kids if he keeps asking who her 'bio' kid is.

There is nothing quite like returning to a once estranged family relationship, only to find the elements that soured it in the first place haven't changed. Sadly, no amount of grace or forgiveness can completely wash away the stench of an incompatible world view.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her parents they'd never see her kids again if they tried to DNA test them. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my parents that if I ever so much as thought they did a DNA test on my children it would be the last time they saw them?"

My parents kicked me out of the house when I came out. They didn't want a d**e daughter. It's been fifteen years and I am happy. My wife and I have two children. We have our own home. Her parents are amazing grandparents and accepted me since they met me. I ran into my brother two years ago when I was out with my kids.

He was surprised to see me. Nobody in my family had heard from me since they all turned their backs on me. He said my parents had been mourning me for years assuming I was dead. I told him no such luck. He asked if I would please call my parents to let them know I was okay. I reluctantly agreed. I called from a burner number because I didn't want them in my life if they hadn't changed.

They said they had lost all hope of seeing me again and that they weren't sure my brother was telling the truth about me being alive and having children. After talking for about a year I agreed to let them meet my wife and our children. Everything was going great until my father asked which one was mine. I said they were both my kids. He said that he meant which one was biologically his grandchild.

I said they were both my children and that is all he needed to know. He said he didn't feel like he should care about a kid he wasn't related to by blood. Strangely enough, my brother has a stepdaughter. I asked my brother if he knew my dad didn't care about his daughter. My dad said that isn't what he meant.

That he only wanted to know which one I gave birth to. I said it wasn't any of his f#$king business and we eventually ended up yelling at each other. It culminated with me saying that both kids were mine and I would only allow him in their lives if he treated them the same.

And that if I ever so much as got the impression that he knew which one wasn't biologically mine I would cut him and my mother out of my life like a cancer. My wife says I was too harsh and my brother says I'm an @$$hole for not acknowledging that my father is trying. Not hard enough in my opinion.

People on Reddit had lots to say.

Galphath wrote:

"He said he didn't feel like he should care about a kid he wasn't related to by blood."

He didn't care about a kid he was related by blood (you) either.

NTA, you are protecting your kids from the treatment they would receive from your father and that makes you a great parent.

namesaremptynoise wrote:

NTA.

"He said he didn't feel like he should care about a kid he wasn't related to by blood."

Your parents already psychologically damaged you. Now they're getting ready to start psychologically damaging your children. The fact that your brother isn't as pissed as you are on his stepdaughter's behalf isn't a great mark in his favor, either.

Runns_withScissors wrote:

NTA. I would do the same. I married a man who had two sons. About that time, my brother was expecting his first child, who would be my parent's first grandson. My mom was so excited, "Just think! We are going to have THREE grandsons soon!"

My family has never seen a difference between those boys and their other grandkids, and I would not have allowed them to. You are 100% right, OP. Stand your ground.

BeeJackson wrote:

NTA - Your parents want to ignore their poor parenting. Before they talk about a relationship with your children they need to mend things with you. Honestly, I have little faith in them because most folks can be found. I doubt you changed your name or cut ties with everyone you knew. It was easier to pretend that you were dead that to act like better human beings.

ninibetch wrote:

NTA, at all. TBH I think you were genius in saying it because that never would have occurred to me as a possibility. You didn't just lay the boundary and firmly, you made sure even the attempt to weasle an answer would be dealt with severely. Side note, tell your brother to kick rocks. Mourned you? Really? F#$KING REALLY?!?! How long did it take that emotion to kick in after throwing you out?

The only universe where OP is TA is her parents' delusional universe.