Man asks if he's wrong to be angry ex-wife his using his last name for her new baby.
What's in a name? Shakespeare said, 'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.' So does it really matter what name someone decided to give their baby
When Reddit user u/TheCallipygianDuck got divorced his ex-wife kept his name. Now, his ex had a baby with someone else, and she gave that baby his last name as well.
He's angry about it, so he's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) or saying that it is fucking weird that my ex-wife's newborn has my last name?'
He writes:
I was married to my ex for 7 years until we divorced and went our separate ways 4 years ago. After the divorce, she kept my surname. I didn't necessarily like it because it felt like she was still attaching herself to my family but I could understand the practical reasons enough not to let it bother me.
She recently gave birth to a baby and posted a picture of said child and revealed its name. A friend sent it to me commenting about the surname and asking if I knocked her up.
Following that four more people directly contacted me either congratulating me or asking for confirmation whether it's my child or not and my mother says she's been catching whispers about it too at church.
I bumped into her and her sister in town and obviously congratulated her then asked about the kid's name. She said the name. I asked about the surname and she confirmed that the child's legal surname is 'obviously' xyz [mine] and asked if there was a problem.
Now that pissed me off. My surname is very unique especially in the area since my family is not originally from here so when people hear the surname they naturally think of my family and assume that this is my kid and it fucking isn't. Worse the father is apparently in the picture so I don't know what the fuck is going on there.
I straight up said that it was fucking weird that she's giving her newborn the surname of the man she's divorced from who isn't in any way linked to the kid and sounds almost obsessive. She said she gave her daughter her surname as the mother and not mine. Am I the asshole?
He added more info for clarity:
I have no children with her. She has one other child apart from this one who has her previous. Saw this being asked in the comments so there's that answer. Also, her surname doesn't impact her professionally. I do not know why the father's surname wasn't used.
Reddit was absolutely divided on this AITA submission. On one hand, yeah it is a little weird to have your ex-wife's kid have the same last name as you. Then again, she's had that last name for 11 years, so at this point, it's her name and she wants her baby to have her last name.
What do you think? Is this guy 'The A**hole?'
Pristine-Rhubarb7294 says:
Changing your name is a pain and a lot of work/ money. OP was presumably happy for her to take his name and do all that work when it was convenient for him, but he can’t force her to do it again.
NAH I see why you are weirded out but your name is her name too so she was perfectly in the right to use it. Especially since not sharing a name with your baby is also a huge bureaucratic pain.
Becausenyx writes:
If anything, I think the people gossiping are TA. It ain't their business to know who's related to who.
Mighty_Krastavac adds:
This has been this woman's name for 13 years, OP doesn't get to have ownership over it just because he had it first. YTA OP, get over yourself.
-digitalin- thinks:
NAH. I get that it might feel weird for you. But it's not like she chose your personal last name from all the potential last names in the world. She did NOT name her baby after you. She gave her baby her own last name, which is standard practice.
Why didn't she change her name after the divorce? Name changes are frustrating AF. There's a ton of paperwork and all of the gazillion accounts she has would need to be updated, and some do not allow changes at all. Especially since you guys were married for years.
Why didn't she give the baby the father's last name? She could have, but having a different last name from your kid can be logistically difficult. And if their relationship is at all shaky, she would want the kid with her own name.
I get that it feels weird to you. But none of this is about you. It's about her making things easier for herself and her baby.
tonks118 says:
She could have had her name change denied in the divorce. It happened to me and I was forced to keep my ex’s last name. So when I had more kids they had his last name even though they weren’t his because the state automatically gives the child the mother's last name.
claireclairey writes:
YTA. Why do people think it’s so easy for a woman to change her last name back and forth whenever a man is in (or out) of the picture?
She took your name when she married you; I’m guessing you would’ve thought it weird if she HADN’T taken your last name. Well, it’s hers now, too—and she wants her baby to have her last name. You think she should’ve given the baby the dad’s last name…I guess she learned from you that men don’t always stick around.
NUT-me-SHELL thinks:
YTA. She changed her name when the two of you married and whether you like it or not, it’s her last name now. She is free to give that last name to her child. A simple “no, it isn’t my child” is an appropriate response to anyone who asks.
Remarkable_Manner318 disagrees:
NTA that is so strange. Why wouldn't she give her baby her maiden name and change her name back if she felt that she didn't want the baby to have the father's name? Now if she marries again and changes her name, her child has no connection to anyone in her family
SnazzySusieQ adds:
NTA. It is weird, especially considering the father is in the picture.
MandeeLess writes:
YTA- she changed her last name to yours when you got married. That means it’s HER last name now. It’s always weird to me when men get all fussy about ‘their’ name lol. Relax. You’re not that special.