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'AITA for refusing to let my wife name our daughter after her?'

'AITA for refusing to let my wife name our daughter after her?'


Coming up with a name for your baby can be difficult. Usually, the convention goes that when you think you have the names, you want to hear what it sounds like when you yell it. For instance, 'Michael Anthony Scott, why are all the bagels on the floor?'. What happens when your partner wants to name your child something that makes you very uncomfortable?

The internet exists for one reason: to show people who have experienced these scenarios. On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I The A**hole Subreddit, a man asks if he was wrong to refuse to let his wife name their daughter after her out of spite for his first wife.

"AITA for refusing to let my wife name our daughter her name?"

I (34M) am in a situation where I feel like I’m right but some friends and family feel like I’m in the wrong. I truly don’t think I’m in the wrong, so I am looking for some unbiased opinions and answers.

My wife Elizabeth died when my daughter Davina (10F) was born. I decided to name her the middle name of her mother in honor of her. My current wife Natalie (34F) didn’t know this until two weeks ago when a cousin accidentally let it slip it out.

It’s important to add that Natalie does get jealous of Elizabeth from time to time because Davina knows that Elizabeth was her bio mom and has pictures of her to remind her. Me and Natalie are expecting so now she is hung up on naming our daughter Natalie. I understand that she is jealous, but I feel like she is only trying to one-up Elizabeth by doing this.

I have already expressed my dislike for her doing this, but she brushes it off and says things like “if you loved me more than Elizabeth you would let me have this.” At dinner with my family last night, she revealed without my knowing that the baby’s name would be Natalie. I could tell that my family knew what she was trying to do, and kind of just sat there awkwardly.

I didn’t want to embarrass her by saying anything directly, but when we got home, I told her that I was putting my foot down, and I refused to let her name our baby that. She called me cruel and pathetic for still loving Elizabeth even though she was dead. I honestly didn’t know what to say and just left. I’m currently writing this at my parents' house and seriously contemplating divorce.

Queen_Sized_Beauty can smell jealousy from a mile away.

NTA(Not the A**hole), but your wife is jealous of your child and her dead mother, which is neither expected nor okay. This woman needs therapy immediately.

QuackLikeMe can spot unhealthy behavior from a mile away.

NTA. Your current wife needs serious counseling. She’s jealous of a dead woman and is actively trying to one-up your late wife and get you to “prove” you love her more? That is not healthy.

invomitous-rex can smell a couple that needs counseling from a mile away.

NTA. You’re not crazy for considering divorce, and I would insist on couples counseling with your wife if you stay married - being this competitive with a woman who has been dead for a decade is mad (unless you’ve left out information about how you openly compare Natalie to Elizabeth, in which case her behavior seems a lot more understandable).

I’m slightly concerned that her obsessive competition with your late wife will also play out in the unequal treatment of your daughters once Natalie’s biological daughter is born.

Congrats on the new baby, OP. Maybe never tell her how divisive her name was.

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