Recently my parents surprised me(26m) and my siblings(16 and 19) with a ski trip this December the day after Christmas. My parents offered to pay for my expenses and said that my wife(24) was welcome to come, but she would need to pay her way.
My wife and I are okay financially, but with the trip being so close to Christmas we wouldn't be able to afford to pay for her to go. Despite this I really wanted to go on the trip as it was always a dream of mine to go on a trip like this.
My family grew up dirt poor until I was about 15 when my parents business took off and now they extremely comfortable and can afford to pay for trips like this for us. They could certainly afford to pay for my wife to also go, but they have always been this way when it comes to paying for things for me versus my wife.
My parents think it's only fair to pay for me when we go out to eat or go on trips because they are still paying for my siblings. I don't ask them to, but it is nice to save money so on every trip they will pay my way (room and board, excursions, meals) while my wife was expected to pay her way. This started before we were married.
This has always bothered my wife especially after we got married and they still excluded her so in these past 2 years since we got married so I tried to limit the trips since they bother her so much, but this is a once and a lifetime trip for me so I thought she would be supportive of me going, but she's very upset and hurt.
She wants to go on the trip, but like I said we just can't afford it, which she understands. She told me she does want me to have this experience, but she is sad because she thinks my parents purposefully exclude her. AITA for choosing to go on the trip and leave her behind? I still have time to cancel on my parents, but I know they would be sad.
Here's what people had to say:
Info: why on earth would they pay for you and not your wife? That’s absurd. What’s their logic?
throwawayl8rbye OP responded:
They've always just said it's because I am their child. I honestly didn't think much of it when my wife and I were just dating, but I did expect it to change after we got married.
So, you are well aware that your parents are intentionally excluding your wife (and apparently, this is definitely not the first time) and you don't understand why she's so hurt and upset about this, especially when it's during Christmas? Think about it, dude. Think real hard. YTA.
That’s the part that gets me. He doesn’t even consider going halfsies with his wife, he prefers to just exclude her altogether. OPs wife has a husband problem more than an in-law problem.
I wonder if they will pay for his divorce. This could be happening sooner than later.
going against the grain with NAH. Your parents can spend their money how they want. You are not the asshole for wanting to go on a trip with your parents. She isn’t the asshole for feeling sad that you’re leaving during Christmas time
They didn’t exclude her. They said she was welcome but she had to pay. No one is entitled to a free vacation. If anyone is possibly an asshole it is OP
YTA. Excluding your wife is a lame and selfish move. Your parents are deliberately disrespecting her and your relationship and you are helping them. She is their daughter now.