Man judged by cousins for not naming kids after dead family, he snaps, 'sorry I survived.'
Grief can make people act up in all sorts of ways, and it's not always pretty.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for accusing his cousins of taking their grief out on him. He wrote:
"AITA for accusing my cousins of taking their grief out on me and telling them naming my kids has nothing to do with them?"
I (31m) am the only surviving member of my family. When I was 5 I lost my mom and my 4 older siblings in an accident. I was then raised by my maternal grandparents. After the initial accident my family was told none of us had survived so I was surprised when the news reached them.
My grandparents, aunts, and uncles were all thrilled. But my cousins...eh. They were much closer to my siblings. They were similar ages to them. I was 6 years younger than my youngest sister and 8 years younger than my youngest cousin...I wasn't really "in" with my cousins. With my siblings? We were a tight unit. And they would often reject our cousins when they weren't interested in "a baby tagging along."
So I think when I was the one who came home, not one of my siblings, I think my cousins hated me for it. We never got close. It was always weird. But then a few weeks ago we were at my grandparents' house for a celebration. It was my husband and me with our four kids.
My cousins were all huddled together for a while and then started dropping comments to me about the choice to give my kids their own names and not honor my mom or siblings with their names. They asked me how I could claim to love and miss my family when I didn't think to honor them.
Or how I could act like they meant the world to me when I don't want my kids to know about them via their names (because they know about them). I did my best to avoid them for the rest of the celebration. Then a couple of weeks after that we were all together again for my aunt's retirement party.
The comments continued there and they told me they would have named their kids after my mom or siblings but their parents had suggested it should be reserved for me and left alone if I didn't because maybe it would be too painful. They told me I hogged my family just like I hogged my siblings back then. And I didn't even love them as much as they did.
I became so frustrated that when we were all alone in a room together, because I followed them, I told them they should not be taking their grief out on me. I told them I never tried stopping them from using the names of my mom and siblings for their kids. They never said anything about wanting that to me until they decided to make all those bitter comments.
I told them I was sorry they were grieving but I could not take responsibility for coming back and not my siblings. And that naming my kids has nothing to do with them so drop the comments about it showing a lack of love. I told them I was not going to be their emotional punching bag and did not deserve their grief being taken out on me.
Ever since then, they have responded with a lot more anger saying I have no right to accuse them of that and they have every right to make an observation on my kids' names. It has become so tiring and I'm questioning if I was wrong to say all that I did. AITA?
The internet had OP's back.
DogsReadingBooks wrote:
NTA. There’s something seriously wrong with your cousins.
OP responded:
I honestly think they got stuck as the kids/teens they were back then. They never moved beyond that where I'm concerned.
khailmorri wrote:
NTA, they sound bitter and ungrateful, maybe drop a comment like they are mad I survived an accident, that'll definitely make public gatherings awkward. Besides they could have asked you hey I'm going to name my kid in honor of your mom or sibling.
Ok-Funny-7504 wrote:
NTA your cousins are insane. That was your family you lost and you can morn them, celebrate them, and remember them however you see fit. You don’t owe anyone in your family any sort of public display to prove your love for your family. It is cruel of your cousins to even imply what they are saying let alone outright speak to you that way.
Narrow-Natural7937 wrote:
NTA. You've really had to survive an amazing amount of tragedy. It is wonderful that you were raised by your grandparents and are now a thriving adult and parent. After reading your story, I could only shake my head at the lack of kindness and love your cousins bear towards you. How in the world could they ever say that they loved your family more than you do? That is simply ludicrous.
I am so sorry that you are related to those people. I have read advice that seems to fit your situation, in that the best revenge is to live a good life. I hope you have a very happy life and that you prolly avoid those people in the future. I wish you the best.
KnightofForestsWild wrote:
NTA. Get a spray bottle full of vinegar. When they act up, give them a squirt. If they won't learn to behave, maybe they can be trained to.
OP is NTA here, his cousins are deeply immature AHs.