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Man makes stepdaughter sleep on couch because daughter doesn't want to share room.

Man makes stepdaughter sleep on couch because daughter doesn't want to share room.


One of the hardest parts of blending a family is making sure you're not treating any child with favoritism, regardless of who is your biological child and who is your stepchild. Checking your own biases takes vigilance, since it's easy to act out subconscious preferences without even realizing it.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for thinking his stepdaughter would handle sleeping on the couch better than his own daughter.

He wrote:

AITA for thinking my stepdaughter would be fine on the couch for a couple of days?

I have 3 kids (10f, 8m, 7m) from a previous marriage and my wife has one (12f). We’ve been married for 6 months and all of the kids have had trouble adjusting. My daughter doesn’t like not being the oldest/only daughter, my stepdaughter can be possessive over her mom, neither of them are great at sharing.

We just took our first vacation together with me, my wife, the kids, and my wife’s sister (23) who lives with us and helps with the kids. The room arrangements were me and my wife in the master, my SIL in the 2nd bedroom with a double bed, my daughter and stepdaughter in a room with 2 twin beds, and my sons in a room with a double bed.

The first night we got to the rental pretty late and everyone went to bed with no problems. The second night my wife and I went out and my SIL told me that my stepdaughter was sleeping in her room because she and my daughter got into an argument. The third night my stepdaughter came to me and said that my daughter kicked her out of their room.

I went to talk to my daughter and she said she hated sharing a room and wanted my stepdaughter gone. I know it sounds mean but she’s never had to share a room before and she’s still adjusting. I told my stepdaughter that my daughter needed her own space and to sleep on the couch or see if she could sleep with her aunt again. She started to cry and went to her aunt.

My SIL told my wife what happened and my wife yelled at me for kicking my stepdaughter out of the room and said that my daughter should’ve had to leave if she had the problem but my daughter’s used to having her own room and bed. My stepdaughter shared a pull-out couch with my wife for 5 years before they moved in with me.

I thought she wouldn’t mind since she’s so used to sharing beds/sleeping on the couch. My wife started yelling at me for favoring my daughter and she and my SIL ended up leaving early with my stepdaughter. They’ve all ignored me and my kids since we got back and, although they never mentioned anything about leaving, I think they might be planning on leaving.

My SIL has been taking extra babysitting jobs and my wife started doing random odd jobs for cash. I’m starting to think I screwed up here but I wanted to know if I was the a**hole for thinking she’d be fine on the couch for a few days.

The internet soon gave him a wake-up call.

JuicyJolene1734 wrote:

They both had a bed. A room with 2 beds. Your daughter could suck it up and share a room since there were 2 beds. YTA.

Helpful_Hour1984 wrote:

YTA. Your daughter was the problem, not your stepdaughter. What each of them is used to, is irrelevant. If your daughter couldn't share, she should have been the one to sleep on the couch.

Or maybe you could have consulted her before booking, and got them separate rooms. You're putting children into a new, challenging living arrangement, you're not willing to help them adjust, and you expect them to figure it out on their own.

asleepattheworld wrote:

“My child is used to fine dining, but you are used to eating sh*t. So you can continue to eat sh*t, while my child eats the best. Even though there’s technically enough for both of you, she just wants you to eat the sh*t. Here, I’ll get a shovel for you.” - OP.

Top-Put2038 wrote:

YTA. And I'm guessing you came here for justification. How's that working out for you? Can you see you're at fault yet?

Aggressive_Pear_6277 wrote:

YTA. Others have already - correctly - called you out for mishandling things with your step-daughter.

But I'll point out that you are also the AH for how you apparently handled things with your wife. Presumably:

Instead of 'asking' your wife before acting, you unilaterally decided to move your step-daughter to the couch.

Instead of 'listening' to your wife, you justified your view because it 'was a nice couch' and 'she's used to it'.

Instead of apologizing, and finding a compromise or better alternative while on vacation, you forced them to leave.

Instead of realizing how you've hurt your wife and trying to rectify the situation, you are here still trying to justify your behavior.

The reality is - you screwed up. I hope you can accept that and admit it to your wife and admit it to your step-daughter. Then 'listen', and try to learn how to handle things better next time.

OP is most definitely TA here, but if he takes the time to listen, there might still be time to course-correct this relationship.

Sources: Reddit
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