Woman tells kids nanny is 'evil' so husband will fire her; he refuses.

Living in a small town, you can't help but run into people from your past. And even when you grow up and have your own kids, those scars from high school never seem to fade away, do they? On Reddit, OP asked about a situation (not quite a love triangle, more like a spite rectangle) that exploded into a massive marital problem. He wrote:

AITA for arguing with my wife and refusing to fire the nanny?

I (M30s) live with my wife (F30s). We both work full-time jobs and have three kids, ages 3, 6 and 7.

I used to work from home with flexible hours but I've been offered a promotion which requires me to go to work in person. The pay increase is really significant so my wife and I agreed I should take the promotion and hire a part-time nanny for our kids.

I got in touch with a nanny agency and they matched us to someone who lives local. They only told us her first name which was a really common name anyway, but for the sake of story telling we'll say her name's Sarah.

I spoke to Sarah on the phone and she seemed really nice. We arranged a day for her to come over and meet my wife and the kids and for us to show her around the house.

When the day came around and we met her, it turned out that my wife already knew Sarah. It was really awkward. I wasn't sure how they knew each other until afterwards.

My wife told me that back when she was in high school, her boyfriend at the time cheated on her with Sarah who was in her class.

She wasn't enthusiastic about it but my wife didn't seem to have a problem with Sarah being our nanny at first. Our kids love her, she has lots of experience and she's available when we need her.

After a couple of weeks with pretty much no issues, my two oldest kids come to me and say that they don't want Sarah to come back. I ask them why and they said she's 'evil.'

I ask why they think she's evil and our 6 year old starts crying and says that Sarah is mean and wants to hurt mommy.

I talked to my wife in private and at first she said she had no idea what the kids were talking about and that it must be because of something Sarah did.

When I pressed it, my wife admitted that she told the kids that Sarah is evil. She said she knows it was a ridiculous plan but she was hoping I'd fire her. My wife asked me to fire the nanny because their history makes her uncomfortable.

I asked why it wasn't an issue before. My wife said she just needed to think about it and she's decided Sarah has to go.

I told my wife that we can find another nanny but until then there's no reason to get rid of Sarah, and that she was out of line for trying to weaponise the kids against her when Sarah is no danger to them.

My wife disagreed and said that we need to just fire Sarah ASAP and hire a temporary babysitter until we can find another nanny. She said that she wasn't weaponising the kids, she was just setting boundaries.

This turned into a really heated argument and I called my wife insecure and controlling, and told her she needs to go to therapy. My wife said I'm being inconsiderate of her feelings and need to put myself in her shoes.

This was one of our biggest arguments in a very long time and I just want a neutral opinion on whether I was wrong.

On a forum that usually comes out very strongly for one character, this situation had another consensus.

bordennium writes:

Everyone sucks here. Your wife shouldn’t be talking sh*t about Sarah to your kids, but you also shouldn’t be insisting that Sarah remain hired.

There are plenty of other people who I’m sure would be equally as nice and fun as Sarah, with the added bonus that this one won’t have painful beef with your wife.

mrjeanpoutine writes:

Everyone sucks here..

Your wife got cheated on by her ex with the woman who is in your lives and in your kids lives. The sensible thing to do would've been say right away, 'Okay, we'll find someone else.'

You are being inconsiderate of her feelings. That makes you an asshole.

Your wife should never have used your kids the way she did - that was beyond the pale. That make her an asshole.

All in all, it means you all suck.

CrystalQueen3000 writes:

ESH

She went about that in an assbackwards immature way but ultimately she gets a say in who watches the children, she should have just been honest and vetoed Sarah from the start.

And Lavishnessno3139 has a different (highly upvoted) conclusion:

NTA and her behavior disturbs me. I can't imagine causing my children to fear their safety or their mothers safety because of my own insecurities from high school.

I mean the manipulation and abusive behavior is disturbing. If the truth is not corrected for those kids they could end up believing daddy hired an evil person to get rid of mommy. I think firing because of the wife's behavior and issues could lead to legal ramifications, Slander and wrongful termination.