What starts out as a sweet gift-giving process can quickly devolve into a supermarket sweep of people grabbing things and complaining about what they missed out on. It all depends on who is involved in the receiving of gifts.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not letting his family take what they want as he leaves for an international move. He wrote:
Me and wife are moving to another country. Instead of selling our stuff, we decided to gift it to our families because it will improve their lives. Most of our stuff is high-end compared to what either of our parents have. First, we thought about what they needed so we gave them that. Study table for her sister, washing machine for her mom, an AC for my mom, fridge for my parents house, etc.
Then I invited my parents and hers on separate days to ask what they’d like to have and make a list for us. The lists came out that everybody wanted everything. Then we made our decision together and told them who gets what which of course isn’t ideal for either party. We decided not to give our 2 cars to either family and sell them in the market since that’s the amount we might need.
Now both my parents and hers are appealing to the emotional side of us, telling each of us how the other one is facilitating their family more. They also claim they are not materialistic but the other family is. At the end of it, both sides are unhappy and both sides are blaming me for inequitable division. Her family thinks I took advantage of her and didn’t value her efforts.
My family thinks my in-laws are materialistic and taking my hard-earned money and things for granted. Today it got to a point where her mom I was telling her how unfair and unfaithful I am to her and she’s better off without me and my family is actively hostile to my wife and my dad told me to divorce her today.
I called both her parents and mine in a conference call and gave them a piece of my mind. AITA for creating this whole situation?
NTA. Your "loving" families would rather break up your marriage than lose out on a used sofa. Think long and hard about that before you move to another country where you may not have to see them ever again, just saying.
NTA. That took an ugly turn...wow! At most, I'd respond that they can accept what was offered on the list of they'll get nothing. That you'll donate it or sell it but they'll be shut out. No more discussions or complaints will be tolerated.
"To my family, you have been hateful to the woman I love. I won't stand for it. Unless you come to your senses, realize what hateful people you've been and apologize sincerely, I doubt we'll see much, if anything, of you."
"MIL, I will never forget what you have said about me. If you ever find yourself in need, you know not to ask us."
"To both families, wife and I are heartbroken about how you are greeting our generosity. Don't worry, we've learned our lesson and will never give you anything valuable again. You have all make it much easier to leave you."
NTA but a tad naive. I mean you know these people this was probably predictable. Still sorry you’re dealing with it. Your dad’s divorce comment is particularly egregious and I would make a consequence for that. Way, way over the line, pops.
Wow! It almost seems another country isn't far enough from your version of the Capulets and the Montagues; have you considered another continent? Or even planet? In any case, everyone showed their true natures; a bunch of greedy, grasping, vindictive, unloving jerks. Personally, I'd donate everything to the poor, leave and never communicate with either family again. You're NTA.
Clearly, OP and his wife aren't TAs, but they are smart for moving to another country.