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Man shuts down nosy SIL at dinner after she pries about childhood trauma. UPDATED.

Man shuts down nosy SIL at dinner after she pries about childhood trauma. UPDATED.


Shutting down people's invasive questions can be awkward, but it's what you've got to do sometimes.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his nosy SIL that she's not entitled to his trauma. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my nosy SIL she's not entitled to my trauma?"

Background; I (34M) am married to my husband (36M) and we recently celebrated our 7 year anniversary. I adore my husband's family. They're so lovely and warm to me. I came from a very different place, none of which I remember fondly. A lot of the things I went through have left me with severe emotional and psychological trauma that I'm in therapy for and have been for about 4 years now.

The only problem is my husband's youngest sister (22F) I'll call Kim. Kim is nosy. She always feels like she needs to know about every aspect of a person's life. She targets this behavior towards me since I'm very private, especially about my past before I met my husband. I don't like talking about myself for very personal reasons, but that doesn't stop her from asking uncomfortable questions.

Her parents and siblings have tried to talk to her about this, but it doesn't work. Normally I can brush off her questions, but this time I feel like she went too far. My husband and I had a small party for our anniversary Saturday. Kim was there and she decided that she'd had enough of me ignoring her.

During dinner, in front of everyone, Kim loudly demanded to know why I refused to talk about my past or my family. Why was I keeping so many secrets from them? Why won't I talk? She wouldn't let up. My husband, their parents, and our friends all told her to back off and sit down, but she wouldn't. I lost it. I got up and got in her face. I made myself just as loud as her.

I told her she's not entitled to my past or my trauma. She doesn't need to know what happened to me. That she has no right to interrogate and humiliate me in my own home, and that if she couldn't act like an adult then she needed to leave because I wasn't going to put up with her. I think I genuinely scared her. The entire room went dead silent.

She tried to talk again, but every time she did I cut her off and told her to leave. She finally left. The rest of the guests also left not too long after since the mood was pretty much ruined. As soon as everyone was gone I broke down. My husband held me and comforted me as best he could. He told me how proud he was of me for standing up for myself. Something I've had trouble doing in the past.

The next morning I woke up to texts from Kim and her parents. I hate confrontation. My husband helped me go through them. Kim was saying I made her look like a bad person for just being curious and she expected an apology. My husband's parents thankfully were more understanding. They agreed that Kim had been the one in the wrong for starting with me, and I had every right to defend myself.

My MIL thinks I could have handled it better and not stooped to Kim's level. My husband says I don't have to apologize, since Kim was the one in the wrong. My husband's parents said they'd talk to Kim, but we haven't heard anything. I'm really anxious. AITA for not wanting to talk about my past?

The internet had a lot to say about it.

friendlily wrote:

NTA. Everyone kept warning her and telling her to knock it off. Her family has said things to her before. Clearly, they were not trying hard enough and zero boundaries have been set. She needed a sterner telling off and you I think you were entitled to go off on her after years of this. She should not be welcomed to be around you until she sincerely apologizes and promises not to ask another personal question of you.

Your husband needs to back this up and enact consequences. This is his family to deal with. Honestly, he's an AH for continuously allowing his sister to treat you like this. Anyone who did this to my husband would never come into our house.

MidCenturyMayhem wrote:

NTA, and the fact Kim expects- and thinks she deserves!- an apology shows she not only has not learned her lesson but is likely to continue leaping across any boundary she finds inconvenient. She needs to be shut down in no uncertain terms. I'd also add your MIL making excuses for her needs addressing, as well.

Put a stop to this nonsense now and let these people know you are in control of your own past history and it is yours to share, or not, as you see fit, and you will not be mistreated or disrespected for your decision.

jacksonlove3 wrote:

Absolutely positively NTA! And I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself! You’ve ignored her the best you could but she continues to push and push. She’s most definitely in the wrong and you do not need to apologize. She needs to apologize to you!!!

A person can only take some much pushing before they snap, and that’s what happened. Your husband needs to address his sister’s disrespectful behavior with her privately.

Which_Reason_1581 wrote:

NTA. Just not. Period. She now knows how you feel, and that you WILL defend yourself. DO NOT APOLOGIZE. if you do, it'll open it up all over again.

OP is NTA here, he stood up for himself as he should have.

Sources: Reddit
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