Man wants to ban 'disgusting' sister from family functions; people take sides.
When this man is really angry at his sister, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for banning my sister from all family functions?"
Alright Reddit here I am. Needing a judgement. I had a bunch of shit happen and I feel like I’m going crazy. I (28M) have 3 siblings, 2 younger sisters (27 and 25) and 1 younger brother (24).
We are really tight with our 3 cousins (ages 21-27). Our parents are together but have recently retired down in Florida. My aunt and uncle moved down there with them. So we’ve always done big family get-togethers with our cousins and extended family.
As the oldest I’ve hosted since our parents moved, all my siblings and cousins are in the area still.
My wife Caroline (26) was best friends with my youngest sister Beth (25) and that’s how we met. My wife has always been part of the family and insisted we be the host for things as we just got our new house. So now to the issue at hand here:
Beth had been married for 2 years. We all really liked him. Especially my brother. I found this all out recently so bear with me.
Beth came to my wife and told her she was having an affair. My wife told her to come clean, but Beth didn’t right away. I didn’t notice tension between them then but now realize it. I think she's disgusting.
Beth did come clean but trickled truthed it. It was a bomb in our family whenever her husband sent the proof to my brother and my brother blew up our family GC. Calling her a sk#$k. My wife has since stopped being friends with Beth. It’s just been a lot of drama.
I’m supposed to host thanksgiving this year and we are already making the plans. My wife doesn’t want Beth invited and neither does my brother and his wife. My sister wants her there still and has said as much to me.
My cousins are indifferent. Basically saying as the host it’s my call. My parents are going nuts tho. I already had preliminary talks with them about what is the plan going forward. Here is where I am. I don’t want my sister around. My wife and brother/SIL hate her. Everyone else seems okay with having her around.
My parents are saying I can’t just remove her from the family. I said If they don’t like it then she can just visit them for the Holliday or host it in Florida (this wouldn’t happen tho due to small kids and money). My uncle and aunt are backing my parents.
Beth is apparently in therapy over everything (according to her FB post). So I feel like I’m being an AH but I also don’t really have any other option. It’s my wife’s house too. AITA?
Let's find out.
justheretolurkreally kind of nails it with this response:
No she brought a man into the family, a man they all liked, a man she was presumed to love. Then she make horrible, selfish choices and cheated on him.
Then she drags her sister in law into it by telling her the secret, then not telling the husband despite sister in law encouraging her to do so. Destroying a friendship and any trust the sister in law could have had in her.
(Cheaters are not trustworthy, liars even less so, and dragging someone into your sordid, marriage ruining secret is cruel at the very least).
Then, by the op's admission, she 'trickle truthed' and that means she dragged it out doing stupid things like saying that she felt unloved, she felt like she might cheat, she felt like she might cheat with that specific person.
She's not sure this can be fixed, etc, etc until apparently her husband was smart enough to finally get suspicious, and got proof that not only did she cheat, she was cheating before she even started her trickle truth campaign.
He immediately told his close friend, her younger brother. And then that lead to it being shared with the family.
Who now have to face their sister, the lying, manipulative cheater, who ruined their friend's life/ the life of someone they were close to, and chose to repeatedly lie about it and drag other family members into her drama. No one wants to deal with that. Least of all the friend she betrayed, and the friend of her husband who had really bonded with him.
If she wants back into the family get together, she's going to have to give it a few years, at minimum, but most likely she's never going to be that close to her family again, though they may tolerate her for the sake of their parents someday.
It's not really self righteous, it's a natural human response to different levels of pain and betrayal.