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Man snaps at dad after he announces engagement months after mom died, 'we're not coming.'

Man snaps at dad after he announces engagement months after mom died, 'we're not coming.'


Everyone handles grief differently, and that can create major emotional clashes during times of loss.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for being furious at his dad and refusing to attend his wedding. He wrote:

"AITA for being furious with my father and refusing to go to his wedding?"

I (27M) have 2 siblings, (24F) and (20M). We used to belong to a family of 5, but sadly our mother passed away from cancer earlier this year. It has been tough for all of us, but has been especially hard on my younger brother who is currently in college. He failed 2 semesters in a row this year due to difficulty coping with this situation and is on the verge of being suspended.

Only 2.5 months after my mother's death, my father informed my sister and I that he had already found a new girlfriend and was in a serious relationship. My sister and I were shocked and disappointed. Finding a new partner after only 2.5 months seemed rushed and offensive.

My sister and I explained to him that while we were willing to accept him moving on to someone else, we were however not interested in being involved with this new woman in any way. It was just too soon. We also made it very clear to him that he needed to hide this situation from our brother who was struggling to pass his classes.

This was his last chance and if he were to fail the semester again due to difficulty coping with the situation, he would be suspended for a year. Our father claimed to understand our concerns and apologized for any added stress this put on us. He also claimed to fully agree about hiding the situation from my brother for now. I hoped at this point that the situation was under control.

Sadly it was only about to get much worse. Around a week before Thanksgiving, my brother was flying home from school for the holidays. At his school, they get around 10 days off before they have to fly back to take their final exams (school is on the quarter system). My sister and I expected our dad to stay home to spend time with our brother.

After all, this was the first major family holiday since our mother's passing and we assumed our dad would want to make sure our brother was ok and ready for exams. We were mistaken. The morning after my brother arrived home, not only had our father decided to tell my brother everything about his new girlfriend, but he also just left the house to travel to a different state to spend the holidays with her.

Not only did he show blatant disregard for my brother's situation but also showed no interest in spending the first major family holiday since his wife's passing with his kids. On Thanksgiving, he didn't even text or call me or my siblings to ask what we were doing. My siblings and I were furious with him over this behavior and we had a huge fight.

He basically tried to gaslight us, claimed that we were overreacting and that we didn't care about his life. He also acted very entitled demanding we "get on board" with his new relationship. He then casually dropped the bombshell that he planned to marry this woman next year.

Given his blatant disregard for my brother's wellbeing and overall distasteful behavior, I've decided I won't be going to his wedding and I basically don't speak with him at all beyond replying yes or no the rare times he does message me. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say about this family dynamic.

foxfire1730 wrote:

He was probably cheating on your mom before she passed.

SlightlyCorrosive wrote:

NTA. Your dad is TA and has some...issues, to say the least. Can't possibly know what's going on with him, but that behavior is quite narcissistic on its face.

laughingpurplerain wrote:

I pray for you and your siblings and I’m so glad you have eachother. Your father is being very very selfish and cruel. It is extremely hurtful for all three of you. I hope the three of you get together often as possible and talk about your Mom. You 3 are the only ones who know what it feels like.

Do your best to continue some of your family traditions without your Dad. Your reaction is mature and caring and appropriate as to the disrespect your father is demonstrating. Just when you each need him most.❤️

PDK112 wrote:

NTA. I hope you use this time to gather all of your mom's belongings and put them in a safe place. Once your dad's GF/wife moves in, she may try to get rid of them. I am sorry for your loss. I hope your father wakes up and realize that he is endanger of losing his kids.

Equivalent_Box5732 wrote:

Your father finding someone new so quickly is not necessarily an AH move, though it might be eyebrow raising. However, ditching grieving children over Thanksgiving (and not even a text!) and his behavior towards his grieving son does make him an AH. Secure your mother's belongings. NTA.

OP is NTA, but his dad is a major one.

Sources: Reddit
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