Man tells SIL she's married to a 'deadbeat parent' who doesn't support his other kids. AITA?

"AITA for telling my brother's wife she has no business interfering in things that have nothing to do with her?"

My brother is a deadbeat dad to two of his kids, his oldest two sons. He abandoned his ex and went out of his way to make sure she didn't get child support out of him. By the time his oldest would be old enough to start figuring s#$t out she moved so they could have a fresh start and not have to worry about possibly finding out how much he didn't want to be their dad.

She also cut me out of their lives, which I got. The younger brother of the guy who was giving her and her kids the middle finger after creating both those kids is probably not someone you fully trust. The boys and I have contact now that they are both adults. My brother is not aware of this.

We are mostly estranged and I don't think very highly of him. I'm a single dad and would never abandon my kids. My brother got married 5 years after he abandoned his sons. His wife wanted to meet me when they got engaged and made a very big deal out of us not being close and me saying no to meeting her several times.

She pushed me on the reason why and I said I didn't respect deadbeat parents. She said he wasn't a deadbeat and his ex kept him away from the kids. I told her that was a lie and he had gone out of his way to sever his obligations to those boys. She didn't believe me. I told her I was present during fights between him and his ex. That I had heard him say he didn't give a s#$t about those boys.

She dismissed what I said. They got married and now they have some kids together. I don't even know how many for sure. A few weeks ago she reached out to me and said my brother had admitted to abandoning his older sons and made sure she never got a cent from him.

She was saying how wrong that was but now that she knows she feels like the kids should all meet and she's going to find the boys and tell them they need to meet their siblings. I was like are you serious and told her she should not track down the kids he abandoned to tell them they need to meet the kids he didn't abandon.

She defended what she wanted and said her kids deserve to know them and two grown men should want to know their family. I told her she had no business interfering in this when it has nothing to do with her. I reminded her that yes, her kids are related biologically but leave it for them to decide in the future. Do not try rubbing this in their faces.

What she doesn't know is my nephews already know my brother had more kids. They don't care. They have said they will never want a relationship with them. She said it has everything to do with her and I'm being an a$$. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

SnooBunnies7461 wrote:

NTA. Your brother's wife is really overstepping on this. She should be worried about the fact that her husband lied to her concerning what happened with his first marriage and his children because sure as sh#t he'll do the same thing to her if given a chance. These two grown nephews have nothing to gain by befriending their sperm donors current kids.

TheSlinkyKat wrote:

NTA - when this all blows up in her face - and it WILL - You can tell her that you tried to warn her to stay out of it. Why-O-why do some people feel that they have to "fix" situations they know nothing about?

thisismyburnerac wrote:

NTA. You’re absolutely right. His abandoned kids don’t need their faces rubbed in all this, and they’re right for not wanting any ties at all. It was his choice after all, not theirs. They’re just honoring his wishes lol.

RB1327 wrote:

NTA, but why are you continuing to field calls from your SIL, the wife of your estranged brother, and who you have never even met? There's no reason for you to be having any of this discussion, so why? Just for the opportunity to re-visit your brother's deadbeat status?

hannahkelli wrote:

NTA. Your brother and his wife sound absolutely perfect for each other in all of their entitled selfishness. The fact that she has this pattern of trying to force relationships is gross. The fact that her children don't have a relationship with their siblings is 100% their father's fault and she's going to have to accept that and leave it alone.

OP is definitely NTA here, he's just speaking the truth - which hurts in this case.