Man snaps on uncle who crashes housewarming BBQ, kicks him out, family watches in horror.
One of the most frustratingly common ways people enable bad behavior is by saying 'Oh ___ is just like that.'
While everyone has flaws that are part of their personality, there's a big difference between accepting someone's quirks and enabling straight-up awful behavior. Stepping out of line to call out this dynamic can cause rifts in a group, but it's the only way to cut through the BS.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for snapping at his uncle for his rude behavior.
He wrote:
AITA for telling my 'brain damaged' uncle that I don't give a s**t what other people put up with and that in my house he can be polite or leave?
My uncle (53) is a complete a**hole. He is vulgar and rude. He positively delights in being as offensive as possible. My grandmother says it's from a brain injury when he was young. I have never seen proof of this. My dad 50 has put up with this his whole life. When I asked him about it he just says that is the way his brother is and always has been.
My mom basically banned him from our house when I was growing up so I only saw him at family events. At weddings where he would say the groom looked like a f**, or that the bride looked pregnant. Thanksgiving where he would tell offensive jokes at the table. Or a birthday party where he said the food tasted like s**t.
I M27 recently bought a house with my girlfriend 23. It is small and needs work but we can afford it with a lot of help from our families and the bank. We had a housewarming this weekend and had a BBQ. It was the first time we could host a big group as I only had a bachelor apartment and my girlfriend lived with her dad. My dad invited my uncle, I did not.
My uncle shows up and starts being himself. He starts calling my home a sh** hole and asks my girlfriend why she is with a loser like me. I ask him to come out in the front yard to talk for a second and I read him the riot act. I do not give a s**t that other people have coddled him his whole life. If he cannot be civil then he is welcome to GTFO.
I was not quiet. I'm pretty sure everyone in my backyard could hear me telling him to behave like a f**king civilized adult. He left, but spent the rest of the day texting everyone there including his mom, my grandmother, and saying that it's not his fault that I overreacted to his behaviour. It put a damper on the party. His family is kind of on his side. But my mom's family and my friends are backing me. AITA?
The internet jury adjourned.
jess-kaa wrote:
NTA. It’s your home and he disrespected you in it.
Also, your dad was out of line for inviting your uncle without consulting you first.
Gyerfry wrote:
NTA. Idk if your uncle is TA, but your dad is definitely TA for inviting him without telling you.
Edit: also your dad's family for expecting you to put up with him in your home. He's their responsibility, not yours.
Expression-Little wrote:
NTA. Brain injuries can cause disinhibition, personality changes etc but if he's been living with this since he was young he's had more than enough time to learn social norms. Good on you for kicking him out.
AcadiaRealistic2090 wrote:
NTA. His whole family are enabling his behavior, and he's never been made to take any responsibility for how he comes off or makes other people feel. Good for you for calling him out. Regardless of the supposed brain injury, someone (his mom) should have pulled him aside and gently told him he can't speak to people the way he does. But they didn't, and now it's come to this.
I'd also talk to your dad or anyone else you think needs to hear this, that you'd appreciate it if they'd run it by you before they invite anyone over to your place. It's common courtesy - but some people have boundary issues and just need to be told.
Clearly OP is NTA, and his family was way overdue for some baseline boundaries with the uncle.