Here's the story, and it's a wild one, so buckle up:
From the title,you may understand I(29M) do not have the best relationship with my parents. I was mostly raised by my both set of grandparents,uncles and aunts because both of them were always on work trips together. They both worked as cruise guides (that's where they met) and they would leave for a month, come back for 3 days and leave for another one.
I only remember a handful of times as the classic family portrait sitting, eating a dinner at my first 15 years. When I was 15, they decided to retire and manage a local tourism company with the support of my both sets of grandparents.
Even then, they did not have shown interest in me. I would be off for a week without saying anything and they would not notice. They never showed up to any major events. The other family members would be there though.
At my last year, I met wa girl(29F) at my last year of medical(2015) school. We have become a couple and had a slow but steadily building relationship. My family instantly liked her and she was the part of ours.Her family was also really warm against me. My parents did not show any signs of interest to meet with her until we have dated for 3 years and it was just a 30 minute coffee.
We decided to get married and with that announcement my parents have become the nosiest people I have ever known. My mom has started to call what we were planning for my "big" day, my dad was talking about the responsibilities of being a husband and a dad (like he really have ever been one) etc.
The truth is, we were only planning a courthouse wedding for the families and then have a party with our friends and cousins. I told them this and they were furious. They tried to pick fights with us for 3 weeks by calling us, trying to visit us, mocking every relative alive(including my in-laws). After not seeing any interest,they stopped.
In July 2019,I got married. They have come, sit in the background(my grandmothers were the one in the aisle with me), just said "Congratulations" and left. In our wedding party, we were originally planning just to include our friends and cousins but her uncle has a big farm house(literally a mansion) so we have invited 100 peoples+our families except my mom and dad.
While we were at there chilling before the party,my dad have called me and "It was only friends, you said. HOW CAN YOU EXCLUDE YOUR PARENTS, WE ARE COMING AND WE ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE." He was mad and I have informed the security of the house to not let them in and to call the cops if needed.
They tried to bust in with their car by trying to break the gate and they were arrested for the night. We also have gotten an RO.
The case is non-urgent so it is gonna be seen this year but all of our family says we are going too far for pressing charges on them. We do not think so and it is causing a fight between us and our families and as a personal reason, I want them to suffer from the loneliness and the sadness they made me feel. AITA dear reddit?
I am not from an english based country and I am from the EU.I am half Turkish and Half French(Bonjour mes amis,hepinize merhaba!). I have to open the court If I ever want to have a permanent RO.
I also work with an attorney who is experienced on the issue and it is mostly certain that they will take a minor jail detention which it will probably be turned to a fine and there is nothing as civil or criminal court if there even is a damage on the property at France (this event happened in France).I can get a negotiator though and it seems the more legit way.
If we did not rent the place from her uncle(which we rented for 2,5 € but there is a legal paper so it is rented), he would be the one to open the court but technically,I have rented the place for the night so it shall be me.
Also,they broke the door and gave some damage to the property. We have pressed two charges on them: Harassment and damage on the property(they broke the door and gave some real damage to the shed of the gardener.)
I am not going to act as a good guy.I want vengeance and I know it is petty but I want it.I want them to pay for what they have done and I want them to suffer in front my eyes and I want to be the one who will give the pain. I have some negative sides and I can be really vindictive. I am in therapy though since medical school and it is really helping me to accept that side of mine.
I had some traumas and therapy really helped me to embrace them and use it to my advantage. I know this might be a real a**holish thought but I can't help feeling it.I want to step to the court,puke all my anger,wrath and vengeance on them in the public then leave,I dream that moment to come.
Also,my parents do not engage with the larger family not that much.Except funerals and weddings,it is a real rare thing to see them. I know they(my big family) want the best for all of us but I can't want the best for my parents.I just can't.
NTA Nothing you do to them will fix the hurt from your childhood though. I would just cut them out of your life and move on with your life. That means no phone calls, texts, social media following, etc... Live as if they are dead.
The best vengeance is cutting them completely out of your life and living it to the fullest. They will not feel loneliness paying for property damage.
NTA They tried to hijack your wedding. They are hijacking your family. What happens when you have kids? Stick with your gut.
NTA but you need some more therapy. Like a lot. The idea of you being a doctor with all these anger issues is kind of terrifying tbh.
YTA You say in your post that you are purposefully being vindictive. That is an AH move. Not letting them into your wedding, and demanding they pay for the damage is one thing, but you want to take your (justified) anger out on them. For your own peace of mind you should let this go and cut them out of your life.
So,turns out I am not the only one in the family who is in this sub. One of my younger cousins is also active in this sub and he has seen this post. He called all of the family and in an hour,they have made a surprise visit on our house.
We cried,I cried,they cried,all of us cried.Also my in-laws were also there (we live 5 minutes away from them). They said they were afraid of me that I will act in a harmful way to myself,my parents and them.
With a character limit it is hard to express all the story but my nickname was devil(le diable en français) at middle school due to uncontrolled anger flashes and violent fights I was part of(I broke someone's ribs by knocking them down and crashing their chest with a chair).
my wife knew all of this but my in-laws were a little shocked with this info but they got over it(they understand I am a different person now,also my FIL is not the best person with the anger management either). I thought I have left a lot of part of that behind myself but it looks like I did not.
The court has to be seen still but I won't be there. My attorney will be there to represent me and that is gonna be it. In the court day though,I will be at a camping site,trying to find my inner peace. We are all on board for an RO but I will find another way to satisfy my desire for revenge and I will try to live my life. I need to move on.
Thank you guys,also my wife knew JNMIL but we hope we won't need it after the court.I just want this to pass on and open a new page.The court is 23 days later.I will try to post an update here.
Au revoir mes amis.
So,I thought I would update you after the court but some stuff happened.They have tried to invade to our house while we were at work.
In September 3rd,we were called by the police,saying that our alarm system alerted them and they have found my mom in the car waiting and my dad trying to escape with all of the legal files according to the court. They have tried to reach all of the family but no one opened their calls as normal.They have invaded the house to take our papers about the court(I don't know what it will give them still)
Since they have invaded our privacy and broke their temporary RO,court will press charges and they are currently in home detention with electronic cuffs(they both have chronic issues so prison is not the best option in this state of world).
Also,you were right.I have started more rigorous therapy sessions and got a month off from work to get myself on the feet.I have issues so much in deep and it is surging,but I am gonna be fine. My wife has become my greatest support and my family is helping me on everything. So,that is that.