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Man takes in son of brother with cancer; wife says she's not 'equipped' to help.

Man takes in son of brother with cancer; wife says she's not 'equipped' to help.


AITA for telling my husband to get over himself when he started berating me for not picking up his brother's son from school?

My husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. He told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. I agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but I told him that he'll be his responsibility not mine.

He asked me to explain why and I told him it's because 1. He didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. I'm not equipped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. I still have to cook and clean obviously. He said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own.

The other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if I could go pick his nephew up from school. I said I was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. He insisted but I reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff.

I suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. He tried to argue but I hung up.

I went home at 3 and surprisingly found my husband there. He was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. I told him that his lack of management wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've 'f**king' waited but I chose to be 'f**king petty' just to prove a point.

I said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. He yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after I refused to help out.

We argued some more and I ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. He texted me some choice words that's when I turned my phone off. We're still arguing about it.

People saw both sides in the comments:

Jay-Arr10 says:

YTA. “I suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”. That’s exactly what he did. His wife, who should be a partner in the relationship.

Visible-Disaster4006 adds:

100%. This whole post reads like her husband is her annoying roommate and not actually her husband/partner. Seems like a very individualized situation instead of a partnership.

reedenceFearwater says:

Yea I really don’t understand these people posting [things like this]. Are they expecting people to come in here like “yea you go girl! You really told him— that seemingly loyal devoted brother you call a husband— and that little child too that’s suffering through a traumatic time in his life watching his father at his weakest.”

Imagine the audacity of life forcing decisions on family that impact you!!!

mmwhatchasaiyan says:

YTA. Cold, heartless, petty. Also, weird that you’re married yet you chose to call this child your “husbands nephew” and never once do you say “our nephew” even though you ARE his aunt by marriage.

Evening_Laugh1277 says:

I’ll go against the grain NAH. Your husband is taking on the challenge of caring for an already grown kid. He’s not the parent but he will have to do some parenting and it makes it way harder that he was just thrown into caring for a school ager.

Snowey212 says:

NTA your husband made a major decision and didn't even bother to ask you. The reasons for his decision might not be wrong but how he's gone about it certainly is. you can't just drop childcare on someone who's categorically not up for it.

HelloFuDog says:

Omg thank you. This is the most misogynistic post. He wanted to be the primary caregiver for this child but he’s a man so not only was he unwilling to sacrifice what all the other primary caregivers sacrifice, he just expected his wife to pick up his slack in a non emergency. Because that’s what wives do, right?

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