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Man tells Christian brother he doesn't love his gay daughter; calls him 'braindead.'

Man tells Christian brother he doesn't love his gay daughter; calls him 'braindead.'


AITA for saying that my relationship with my son is more important than my brother's relationship with his daughter?

My (43M) brother (43M) has a difficult relationship with his daughter (25). His wife comes from a conservative christian church, and when they got married after he got her pregnant, he pretty much drank their flavor-aid. Lo and behold when she's 17 his daughter comes out as a lesbian.

This was an awkward situation to say the least, and it ended up with her living with our parents for the rest of high school, and them paying for her college. I tried to be a safe space for her, because she's a great kid with a bright future ahead of her and her now-fiance is basically already my other niece.

In the past two years, he and his wife have tried to reconnect with her. They've been attending family therapy, and seem to have made some progress in getting over their dumb fairy tale hangups over her being gay. A year and a half ago my son (16) also came out.

My wife and I told him straightaway that our lives are better because he's in them, and that who he loves will only ever matter to us as far as making sure that the person he loves makes him happy.

My niece is getting married in six months, and she really wants her parents to be there. They, however, still say that this is a 'mental block' for them. They've actually asked her to move the wedding back so they have more time to adjust to the idea of her being married to another woman.

When she told me this I told her straight up that that's bullsh*t and if my brother and sister-in-law are too wrapped up in their own Jesussy Christiness to watch their daughter marry the love of her life, I'll walk her down the aisle instead.

My brother has... taken issue with this. He showed up in a huff and demanded to know where I got off undermining his relationship with his daughter, why I would try to push him out, he has the right to 'give' his own daughter 'away,' etc.

I reminded him that my son is gay, too, and I need to make sure that he knows he's safe with us, and I'd be doing a pretty piss-poor job of doing that if I took my braindead homophobe brother's side over my niece's.

Here's where I may be the asshole: he asked if I was saying that my relationship with my son is more important than his relationship with his daughter. I responded 'yes, because I don't have to see a f**king therapist to teach me how to love my own f**king kid.'

My wife tells me I could 'probably have handled that better.' My parents are pissed at me and say that I need to be more understanding of my brother and my sister-in-law, because they have a lot to unlearn that I don't. My sister (51) says that I need to judge less and listen more. And apparently courtesy of my son, I've become a meme at the High School That My Kids Go To GSA club. AITA?

Here's what people had to say:

cutipatutie writes:

YTA While it's great that you accepted your niece, that doesn't mean that her parents love her any less than you love your son. To say that to your brother was hurtful and damn cruel. Your older sister is right. Listen more and judge less

ConcernEquivalent744 OP responded:

I don't see how their position (and the conversion therapy or get out policy that led her to live with my parents) can be seen as anything other than incompatible with love.


OP handled this perfectly. Bravo OP!

The brother doesn't need kid gloves. Kid gloves don't work on people like that. Maybe this verbal slap in the face that holds up a mirror to their actual repugnant behavior is actually what the brother needs. Or maybe he will never adjust and the daughter will continue to rely on her uncle. Either way, both kids know OP has their back. Good.

MonOubliette writes:

Precisely. Epic response, OP. No notes. 10/10 stars. NTA.

NocturneStaccato writes:

Since OP’s brother needs a professional therapist or even just another person to teach him how to love his own kid, then he has already lost the whole argument that he himself started.

possiblycrazy79 writes:

I'm not surprised that you came to reddit with this. All the real adults in your life told you the truth. Now let the kids on reddit come & assuage your guilt. This is a nuanced situation & you came through like a bull in a China shop.

Yes, it was wrong of your brother but they are trying. You are undermining them. Best to just keep quiet or tell niece to do what's in her heart instead of turning yourself into a meme.

RealSimonLee writes:

Yeah, you're an asshole for saying that. Once you tell another parent your relationship is better/more important with your kid than their's with their kid, you're a pr*ck.

Sources: Reddit
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