Man called 'cruel' and 'selfish' for not loaning wife's family money for Christmas.
'AITA for calling my husband selfish for not lending my family money to be able to afford christmas?'
My (f25) family is huge. Holiday time is when they all gather together and have a huge celebration. Unfortunately, mom and dad got into medical debt and lost money on multiple surgeries in the past months.
As a result they said they could not afford to have a decent Christmas celebration which is devastating since all of our relatives wanted to come to celebrate both Christmas and their health improvements.
Dad came up with the suggestion to borrow money (3 thousand dollars) from my husband (m32). My husband's family are well off, but my husband is dependent on himself and rarely asks them for help. He has a savings account to start investing in the land his father left him. He's been saving for 3 years now.
I brought up my dad's suggestion to my husband and he refused saying he didn't have that kind of money, but I pointed out how he has a savings account with over 7 thousand dollars. He said sorry, but he needed it to fix and invest the land to be able to change his job and work less hours because the land will be a source of an income once invested in.
He said my family don't have to to have a fancy celebration, and instead having one that will fit their budget. I explained that we're a huge family with many kids and the money will go towards them. He told me he wasn't willing to waste his money on a ridiculous 'cause.'
I got upset and told him that he'll get his money back, but he pointed out basically how my parents are still struggling with medical debts and questioned their ability to return the 3 thousand dollars. We argued and I ended up calling him selfish and cruel for refusing to help while having the means to. He said he didn't owe nobody nothing then walked out the room.
I stopped talking to him now he thinks I'm being the cruel one for not seeing how important his dad's land is for him to get fixed and invested in.
INFO from Turn_Agreement8177 OP :
My dad didn't ask family to chip in with money because he felt it might be rude and inappropriate to ask family to pay and it'll make it look like he's basically charging them to attend.
I can't help because I'm a student and have no income.
_mmiggs_ asks:
Why do you think your parents should pay for everyone's Christmas celebration? Why can't each part of your huge family chip in towards it?
Turn_Agreement8177 OP responds:
That's my dad. This is who he is. He thinks it's inappropriate to ask the family to pitch in and pay because it'll make it look like he's charging them to attend.
From the comments:
VogonSkald writes:
YTA. This man is trying to make an investment to improve your situation and has stowed away money toward that end. You are asking for nearly half of what he has to simply buy kids who aren't his presents that they probably don't need.
The celebration is about FAMILY. Your family can still get together and have a nice celebration without expensive gifts or spending much money at all. The other relatives can pitch in if they want to help.
Turn_Agreement8177 OP responded:
Like I mentioned, his family is well off, maybe he could ask them to help with the land since it's father inlaw's land. They're financially capable. I don't understand why he has to do this alone and save up on his own.
Current_Primary_31 writes
You're obviously a caring person who loves her family, so NTA. Having said that, you do need to grow up and realize that what you're requesting is completely unreasonable for all the reasons others have outlined above.
You should be very grateful your husband is putting your future well-being ahead of a frivolous and wasteful Christmas party. He's a decent, smart young man--appreciate him!
Turn_Agreement8177 OP responded:
Thank you so much for the input <3
DrMindbendersMonocle writes:
YTA. Borrowing 3 thousand dollars just for christmas is a really bad idea. A simple family gathering is perfectly fine
Turn_Agreement8177 OP responded:
It's not just the celebration but the gifts, hotel payment for my 2 brothers in college (they don't work as well) and some other stuff like new beds for guests and that sort of stuff.
DivideEducational919 writes:
Wow. YTA, and I advise your husband to take a look at whether your financial viewpoints are compatible. You're the kind of person who will bankrupt their partner and then divorce them because there's no retirement savings.
hoochiscrazzy72 writes:
YTA - you want him to spend almost half of his savings on a party for your parents? How is that at all a reasonable thing? And the last thing your parents should be doing is taking on more debt.
DrMindbendersMonocle writes:
YTA. Borrowing 3 thousand dollars just for christmas is a really bad idea. A simple family gathering is perfectly fine
Vixen7-9 writes:
You can't be serious. You asked your husband to give your family 40% of his savings with exactly zero guarantee that he'll ever see the money again, and all of that for something that isn't a life-or-death/homelessness scenario, just a celebration? YTA, no way around it.
Don't try to be generous with some else's money. And you absolutely do not need 3K for a Christmas party...