I (f, 28) have been with my husband 'Shaun' (m, 33) for 2 years, Married for 5 months. Most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. Shaun sees it as 'her still not getting used to me being around,' but IDK because she treats his ex 'Julissa' good.
MIL says that Julissa has been around the family for age and her past with Shaun never affected her relationship with her. Fine, I never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday.
We had Thanksgiving dinner at my MIL's house. Shaun went there before me and when I arrived it was already dinner time. Everyone was seated and I saw that all chairs were taken. I asked MIL why she didn't save me a seat and she said 'sorry,' and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken.
I looked at her then at Julissa who was sitting next to Shaun and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I'm the DIL (I know shouldn't have said it I know..I know) MIL flatout said that Julissa is as much FAMILY as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise.
Julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. I was so upset I wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don't worry I'm petite, he's strong built) and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to Shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then.
The table went awkwardly silence. BIL would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. MIL AND Julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other than at me eyes wide open.
Minutes later, Julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did MIL. It was still awkward but I did my best to focus on dinner. Shaun was eating as well. Later, there was just so much tension and MIL was barely able to speak after Julissa left (early, like right after dinner).
Shaun and I went home and MIL tried calling but then called Shaun and texted me saying what I did was inappropriate and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward. She said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and I could've dragged a chair from the kitchen, but acted childishly and made Juilissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was.
I need to mention that even if I took a chair from the kitchen, there was not enough space at dinner table to fit the chair. Everyone was sitting next to each other.
I feel like I missed something. Does he have children with his ex who she bought to Thanksgiving dinner? Minus that I have no clue what she was there for.
ThrowRA099000 OP responds:
No. They were friends and both families were close then they started dating then broke up but still maintained a decent relationship.
However, MIL is somehow acting like they're still together but she denied all that saying that she just treats ger as a 'daughter' and also told me I have zero say in how she treats others which...is fine by me really but when I'm being treated as less than, I find issues with her treatment.
On another note, my husband says he can't figure out this problem between me and his mom. He thinks that we're both are wrong.
Here's what some people had to say:
I was going to say N T A, but then there was this: 'I could've dragged a chair from the kitchen.' Yup. YTA. You must just enjoy drama.
ThrowRA099000 OP responded:
Like I stated before, the issue was not in finding a chair but the fact that there wasn't enough space for it to fit at the table.
If this ever happens at my gma's house, (not having enough chairs/space at the table) my dad would let my mom sit at the table and then go eat in the kitchen.
If this had happened in my family every person there would have moved their chairs closer together to make room. If that didn't work several people would volunteer to eat in the kitchen so no one would be left out. No one would be eating until everyone had a place to sit.
NTA. But husband massively failed here. Why isn't he managing his mom and shutting down her match making with his ex? Ultimately thus needs to go through him and seemed very passive in all this.
Everyone seems to be missing the fact that she made sure the EX girlfriend had a chair right next to your husband. But there wasn't one for you to be found? NTA
MIL is trying her passive aggressive best to break up your marriage so her preferred choice for her son can have another shot.