MIL tells DIL she wasn't invited on apple-picking trip because of her weight. 'AITA?'
"AITA for telling my DIL she wasn’t invited due to her weight?"
Here's the story:
I will try to keep this short. I have three girls and we still like to do girl trips for the day. My son got married to a girl named Beth. Now before her first kids she was average weight and after it got a lot worse. Her only kid is 8 years old at this point and she hasn’t lost the weight. It’s bad enough that she needs constant breaks walking.
I used to like her and now I don’t due to how she acts. Everywhere we go with her it is constant complaining that she is tired. The last girls trip to the mall was spent sitting on a bench half the day since she needed constant break. If you try to leave she will go on about abandoning her. It’s annoying.
I invited the girls to go to a farm for pumpkin patch and pick some apples. It has big orchards and a ton of walking. We went it was a great time and some pictures went on Facebook. I got a call from Beth asking why she wasn’t invited. I lied saying it was just a family trip and she accused me of lying.
I had enough and told her the truth. I told her she wasn’t invited due her weight. That she forces us to stop all the time and it ruins the trips most days since we don’t get to do half the stuff. She called me a jerk and hung up.
I am getting texts from my som saying to apologize but the girls are on my side and are sick of having trips ruined since we have to wait for her all the time.
Here's what top commenters have to say:
KronkLaSworda said:
"are sick of having trips ruined since we have to wait for her all the time." NTA Why should your trips revolve around her? Why should you be forced to plan outings that are within your DIL's step limit? Finally, you're free to only invite your actual daughters to things, too.
You aren't blocking her from any and all family gatherings. She just got blocked from this one, which I hope is the first of many trips you and your daughters have been putting off for her sake. Get out there and see the world. It's lovely.
CeannCorr said:
I'm fat. Way more overweight than I am happy with or want to admit to. I either don't go places I know I can't handle or I pregame a few ibuprofen and make it work. You are NTA. If she's having issues due to health problems or hormone imbalances, she needs to seek medical care. You are still NTA for wanting to enjoy your trip.
Alarming_Reply_6286 said:
Personally, I would be extremely annoyed with anyone who asked why they were not invited when I just wanted to do something special with my daughters … & then accused me of lying. Nope. I can understand your response. NTA — Beth pushed too hard so you pushed back. That’s on Beth. Beth was trying to guilt you.
ETA — about the lying …. If you boldly ask someone why you were not invited to go apple picking or anyplace else in the world …. Chances are very good that it’s not going to be for magical & wonderful reasons … the honest answer will always be because we did not want to include you. Best not to ask the question or push too far. Just accept the kind answer.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. There needs to be balance. Beth needs to bow out of things that too physically taxing for her, use mobility aids so that she doesn't hold up the entire group and not complain when others opt not to spend most of the activity time waiting on her.
When you do include her on things, hopefully you choose things that don't require much walking and when you do need to leave her, don't cave to her whining. Tell her you love her and you'll meet back up in 20 minutes or rotate who gets to sit with her.
I think her attitude more than her weight is going to keep her excluded. And I hope her 8 year old isn't being left out too.
And hiseoh8 said:
So I recently lost 60 lbs. 40 more to go. And NTA. I can't tell you how many places I couldn't go to. How much walking I could do BEFORE I allowed my weight gain that I could no longer do. I could see how it affected things and friends and I got so mad at myself. I was embarrassed and disgusted.
I had heart failure. I had pulmonary issues. I GOT OFF MY ASS AND DID SOMETHING. Now im bench pressing 50 lbs (for now), i ran a 5k over the weekend (first in 3 years). And I bike 4 times a week if I can.
Sorry but NTA. I get having kids makes things harder. But she is g the first to go through this and she won't be the last. I got help. I swallowed my pride (like a good little fat girl) and got help. Maybe this will be her wake up call.