Here's the story:
I (21f) have a 7 month old son with my boyfriend. My family lives abroad and are coming over to stay and help at Christmas time. For now, my MIL and FIL (60s-Debra and Bob) are helping me with household stuff and the baby. So far, we haven’t had any real issues and they’ve been a massive help.
About 3 weeks ago, I fell down the stairs. I wasn’t holding the baby and the baby was safe. However, instead of helping me, Debra and Bob both jumped to comfort the baby who was crying… and left me at the bottom of the stairs.
My legs were fine, but I was wobbly because of shock and asked one of them to help me up. After nearly 10 whole minutes of being ignored, I managed to stand up on my own and hobble through to the living room. I sit down and Debra says ‘what’s happened to you? Are you ok?’.
I’ll admit, I saw red. I just said 'I fell down the stairs, didn't you hear me calling you for help?' Debra's eyes widened and she said she was too busy fussing over the baby. After an hour, my arm was swelling up and I was taken to hospital. Luckily, it was nothing serious and recovery time would be quick.
After my boyfriend got home and his parents left, I told him I no longer want their help after today's events. I can manage on my own, even though it'll be hard. He was taken aback and said they've done a lot for us. I said I appreciated it all but they ignored me crying and calling them for 10 minutes after I fell down the stairs. They don't care about me, only the baby and I was embarassed I didn't see it sooner.
He called his parents to let them know we won't need their help anymore and his dad said 'is it about today? we really didn't hear her.' My boyfriend just told them they're invited to sunday roast this week and that's all. I could tell he was not happy about my decision but he said he went along with it because I'm the mother.
Fast forward to Sunday and my BIL and SIL are guests as well. SIL has a 3 year old and is totally on my side but BIL is not. He told me to 'be grateful' for his parent's support as they're significantly more well-off than my parents are and paid for many newborn/infant expenses and plan to pay for many more as the baby grows.
Since then, Debra keeps calling asking if we need any help and says she feels awful not seeing 'the both of you' and that she misses the baby. AITA for not wanting them helping me in my day to day life?
NTA. From what you described, there's no way they didn't hear you fall. They deliberately chose to ignore you lying there, possibly seriously hurt. And they are lying about it. They didn't help you at all until YOU managed to get yourself to a place that they could no longer ignore you.
In turn, You cannot ignore behavior like that. You just can't. What if you'd punctured a lung or passed out from a serious concussion? What if you'd died because they couldn't be bothered to investigate? You are better off without that kind of "help." I'm aghast that your husband didn't rip them each a new one.
NTA. You are the only one who knows the layout of your home, the timeframe of the crying and the noise, and how everyone reacted. I can't imagine that upon hearing thumps and screams, they would rush to a baby- who is fine- and for the next 10 minutes they didn't bother to call out for you or to investigate where the noise came from.
While they may not have intentionally ignored you, they displayed a lack of care for you, and weirdly for themselves. If I hear a big noise, I'm looking around, and I'm certainly yelling out for anyone else who would be home, both to make sure they are okay but also to make sure we aren't being robbed or something is wrong.
My dad drops a pot on the floor once a day and we still all yell "YOU OKAY" even though we know exactly what the man did. And you know what, it doesn't matter if they want to help, or if they have given you a ton of money and stuff. You aren't going no contact with them and you aren't keeping them from the baby, you just don't want them around every day.
Your feelings are hurt and you don't want to rely on them in the same way. I might agree with your BIL if you were fully not speaking to them, but you are just scaling back their involvement, and that's fine.
I would be fucking angry that my husband was only supporting me because I was the mom. What if you'd broken your fucking neck ? What if you'd been dead at the bottom of the stairs while they cooed over your baby ? Ask him THAT. ask him if he'd be ANGRIER IF YOU WERE GONE BECAUSE OF IT. he does not have the appropriate level of anger.
You are one hundred percent in the right here and your BIL can shove that "you should be grateful" comment up his freaking butt. He'd shut up real fast if it happened to him. NTA