Here's the story:
my DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years. I have fertility issues which I explained to my DH before we got too serious and he accepted it. After a lot of nagging and “when am I going to have grandchildren”, “why don’t I have any grandchildren yet” blah blah blah
I tried to gently explain that having only one ovary and PCOS means at this point not having a children isn’t really a choice. She seemed to take no notice and just keep making digs.
I hit my breaking point recently at a family bbq when my DH was playing with his cousins baby and my MIL turned to me and said: “you are cruel and selfish for stopping my son from having everything he wants.”
In the moment I just saw red and said, “well we seem to have different opinions on that. I think it’s cruel and selfish to cheat on your husband and the father of your two children with his best friend, kick him out and move your bit on the side in two weeks later, but that’s just me. Out of curiosity is it all infertile women who are cruel and selfish or just the ones married to your sons?”
In the moment it felt great but she started crying and the whole family took her side. My DH is furious with his mum for what she said but also also says I crossed a line. I have told my DH that I have no problem with him maintaining a relationship with his mother but I will not be apologising to her.
Thus is what gets me. People can crap on you, treat you like crap, talk to you horribly and, hey, just ignore it. But the minute you defend yourself and say something awful back, you are “crossing a line.” If MIL can’t run with the big dogs she needs to stay on the damn porch and STFU.
You are not over reacting! I'd bet she will never open her trap about the lack of you giving her grandchildren again. Well done! And YOU do not owe her an apology! She owes you one for constantly digging at you.
She deserved it. Don’t talk sh*t about a woman’s fertility. Her cheating on her husband was a choice, having PCOS is not.
That. Was. AWESOME!!!!!! Screw all the bullsh*t, she deserved that and more. She can get apology for your telling of the truth once she offers a sincere, heartfelt, public apology for blaming you for something that is medically beyond your control
No one asked her for her opinion about your medical condition, your marriage, or your family planning. She volunteered this and thought the presence of others would protect her from consequences. It did not, clearly.
It isn't even unsolicited advice. It wasn't constructive criticism. It was just cruelty and bullying. Was it diplomatic, no. However, you already tried diplomatic and that did not work. I'm guessing she won't do this again and she, and hopefully her family, has now learned not to volunteer themselves as tribute by trying to bully you.
Tbh, I think OP's SO should have shut his mother down on this behavior ages ago.
That's an insanely cruel comment for her to make, and if your husband won't stand up for you, you are free to defend yourself however you need to. Would DH also think you were crossing a line if that cruel comment came at you from a coworker? A friend? No. His mommy does not get carte blanche to treat you like sh*t.