MIL tells wife it's her fault she's having a girl; wife says MIL needs 6th grade bio.
AITA for telling my MIL that once she reads up on basic 6th grade biology, she’s free to give me a call and apologize?
I (28f) have been married to my husband Cam (32m) for two years, and we’ve been together for 4 in total. He was a friend of my older brother, so I’ve known him even longer.
Cam and I decided to try for a baby, and now I’m currently 20wks with our first. When we told my MIL the news, the first thing she mentioned was that every woman in the family had a son before they had a daughter, so she thought the baby would be a boy. Cam and I told her we didn’t care what we were having, we just wanted a happy and healthy child.
Well I’m having a girl, and we informed my MIL of this earlier in the evening. Cam and I weren’t onboard with the idea of a huge dramatic gender reveal so we just decided to go with casual announcements. MIL immediately seemed upset at this and she told me that next time I need to try harder to give my husband a son.
I laughed and said I didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter, so if and when we have another child, there’s nothing I could do to make sure we had a boy then either.
She said that it was a fault on my end, because she had a boy first (she had all boys), all of her other sons wives had boys first, so that meant I was the odd one out.
Cam told his mom that he didn’t care about having a son or not, and that she needed to stop blaming me for something that couldn’t possibly be my fault but then she started getting onto him about how he should want a child that can carry on the family name instead of a daughter that will just be given away.
The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous, so I told her that once she looks into getting a refresher course and reading up on basic biology she should have learned in the 6th grade, she’s free to give me a call and apologize for being absolutely ridiculous.
My husband and I left after that, and in the car he said that while he understood my frustration, he didn’t appreciate me speaking to his mother like that because I basically implied that she was an idiot.
I told him that I didn’t appreciate the way she was speaking to me and that he should be upset on behalf of our daughter since his mom clearly seems to think less of our child before she’s even been born.
The rest of the car ride was silent, and honestly we haven’t talked since getting back home either. He did defend me to her, so I know he’s on my side, but I know he wouldn’t have brought up the way I spoke to her unless he really thought it was out of line. I feel like a bit of an AH now, and I’m not sure if I should apologize to her or not.
Here's what people had to say:
cyaveronica says:
NTA. What is this, the 1800’s where we need a prince to carry on the legacy of royalty or something?
bookfern OP responded:
Right?? I didn’t even take my husbands last name when I got married, my last name is my mom’s maiden name, and my brother was the one who changed his name when he married his wife. I’ve never understood the concept of carrying on a legacy with a name.
WesternTumbleweeds says:
NTA and she deserved that. Frankly, I think it's hilarious! Well done, and congratulations!
bookfern OP responded:
Thank you so much!
McflyThrowaway01 says:
NTA. You were not rude, and it's true, if she knew basic biology she would know that the sperm determines the sex of the baby. There is nothing a woman can do.
She honestly is trying to make you feel inadequate that you couldn't give them a grandson, and that is out of line. Honestly I wouldn't have been as nice as you. I would have brought out some Google and made sure the text was in a large font and show her the science. At this rate I hope you have all girls lol
bookfern OP says:
I am now secretly hoping for an army of daughters lol
EzHedgehog says:
NTA She's treating your baby like she's less than before she's even born.
bookfern OP responded:
That’s truly what bothered me the most about what she was saying. Like my daughter isn’t as important as some son that I may never actually have. I don’t ever want my little girl to grow up thinking that she’s less than because she’s not a boy.
Open_Injury_1801 says:
I think a soft YTA, and hear me out why. Not because your MIL didn’t deserve it - she did. And she does in fact sound kind of like an idiot. So I don’t blame you. Especially considering you’re pregnant and she’s basically picking on you and your unborn child.
But I go with YTA, because it sounds like your husband is a really good man. He defended you, so it really wasn’t necessary for you to go the extra mile and make his mom feel dumb.
TractorKingOfItaly says:
“You can’t imply someone is an idiot after they’ve already outed themselves as one.” This is an amazing line and I hope to use it as a snappy comeback one day!
EzHedgehog says:
NTA She's treating your baby like she's less than before she's even born.