Overseas work commitment causes husband to miss the birth of his child. + Update
"I’ll (M28) be missing the birth of my child, how can I support my girlfriend(F22) during that time?"
throwra6498
My girlfriend's due date is January 28th, but the doctors are saying that the baby is too big and are recommending that she be induced this Tuesday. I am currently in another country for work but I was supposed to be back by the time of the original due date.
After talking with my girlfriend on whether she should wait or not, we’ve decided that she’ll be induced on Tuesday. It really sucks, but it’s not really in my control.
My mom will be in the delivery room with her and I’ll be getting Tuesday-Thursday off so I can virtually be there. With these circumstances, what’s the best way i can be there?
ETA- Guys. I am not allowed to leave my work at this time. Best believe if I was allowed to, I would have in a heartbeat. I want nothing more than to be there and it stings that I can’t. So please, that’s not a valid suggestion. Hope you understand.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
squirlysquirel
Being on face timeis great..make sure your mum is a genuine support. Send a present ...maybe flowers but also her fave food. Arrange a cleaner or meal delivery for when she gets home. Have a coles online delivery and make sure there are some Huggies and some formula in there too.
Does she have a favourite Cafe that delivers...get her a voucher. I Pantry is a great online food delivery service ...quick turn around and much nicer than the average. Tell her you love her about a million times.
The OP responded here:
throwra6498
thank you so much for this answer.
Hobisusathome
Personal experience here : you have it better than back in the 2000s because you have all these technologies. My dad missed my birth too because he was overseas working and we didn’t have all these stuff. So you should, FaceTime her every day, ask your mom to stay with her until you come back because it is a big change.
My mom once told me, it wasn’t too difficult being without my father because she had a big entourage around (her family and his family helping). That’s the best you can do until you come back. Now when you come back, step up, do your job as a father and bond with your baby.
The OP again responed:
throwra6498
I’m very glad about it, at least I can be there with her in a sense. My mom is gonna be with her afterwards as well, so it soothes me a bit that at least she’s not alone.
nomoresweetheart
Being induced is intense. Talk with your mother about the support she’ll be giving your girlfriend. Your mother will need to advocate for your partner if she can’t do so herself during the worst parts.
My partner kept me hydrated and rubbed my lower back, helped me take gas and air as I wanted that for pain management for most of it. Things like that. I’m sure your mother knows anyway but it’s good to discuss and might help you feel more involved, as well as shows care to your gf who is probably really scared of doing this without you.
UPDATE
"I’ll(M28) be missing the birth of my child, how can I support my girlfriend(F22) during that time? (update)"
throwra6498
He’s here! He was born on Wednsday. Everything went well, her and the baby are great and there were no complications. They are at home now. God was on our side and our connection was stable which allowed me to “be there”.
The nurses and the doctor treated her well, they were all kind to me as well given our circumstances. I completely froze just right before she started pushing. It was just me and her in the room, my mom was somewhere in the hospital and I was half asleep.
She just kept telling me the baby is coming out. I asked her if she was sure…never making that mistake again lol. I think she pushed for about an hour and it was so surreal.
It was so much going on and I had to snap back intol reality and just support her the best I could. My mom was great and I can’t even thank her enough. I’ll be with them really soon, thank you for the advice.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the update from the OP:
KigDeek
Congrats OP. Now be a good father and partner.
Similar-Shame7517
Yeah, this sucks, but I live in a country where many parents miss their children's birth and other important milestones because of working abroad, and it sounds like OP tried his best to make it. I hope OP and his family gets better scheduling fortune.
makingspringrolls
100% the military doesn't care about these kind of things. There's a chance he's actively serving, there's a chance this is a training exercise.
Wild_Butterscotch977
"I asked her if she was sure…never making that mistake again lol."
Wish I could have been a fly on the wall for this one...
Her: The baby is coming!!
Him: What?? What?? Are you sure????
Her: I don't know AH, maybe it's a bowling ball coming out of me.
catlandid
Have those commenters never heard of the military? If OP is stationed overseas, what is he supposed to do? Order them to get him a plane? I think they’re all assuming OP has some kind of office job where he could just hail a taxi and get to the airport, consequences be damned. What if he’s in the middle of a war zone? That could be why he’s being tight lipped about his job.
emorrigan
And this is how you miss the birth of your child if you absolutely have to.
SmashedBrotato
Why did so many people in the original post expect him to just tell his job off and make his way home? Like, sure, he could totally just afford to lose his job when he just became a new parent. Ridiculous.