'AITA for removing the door to my son's room indefinitely?'
"AITA for removing the door to my son's room indefinitely?"
Yesterday while I was making lunch I heard a really loud sound, as if the ceiling was falling or a bookshelf had fallen.
My husband (41M) and daughter (17F) were out, the only other person in the house was my son (16M). I was pretty sure he was in his room, which is at the opposite side of the house from the kitchen, so while making my way there I checked every room and everything seemed in order.
I knocked on my son’s door and called his name, no answer. I must have knocked/called 3 times before trying to open the door which was locked.
At this point I was getting really freaked out, thinking that maybe he tipped his wardrobe or bookshelf and it had fallen over him and he was passed out on the floor. I was basically screaming his name, no answer.
I have no idea how I did it. I just threw myself the door and it broke. Now, clearly the door was already weak (I’m thinking termite?) but, yeah, it broke. My son was fine. He was freaked out about the door but fine.
The sound was his TV with the volume at the max, apparently. And he didn’t answer me calling because he didn’t want me bothering his movie. His words were “You were screaming like a harpy and it was annoying, I was trying to watch the movie. Fix the door.”
I said no. I wasn’t going to fix it since to “fix it” I would have to buy a new door and doors are expensive. And as soon as his dad got home he would remove the door entirely as it was too broken to just stay there.
He got really mad. Said it’s his “right” to have a door, he deserves his privacy. I said he had a door and while I was the one that broke it and it was a consequence of his actions, so if he wanted a door he would have to buy it (I know he doesn’t have the money for it right now). Until then, no door. He can change in the bathroom.
He said 'f*%$ you.' I said he was grounded. AITA about the door? My husband is fine with it, says only I know how scared I was, so only I can know the appropriate punishment. I’m now terrified that if anything happens where we really need to reach my son, we won’t be able to.
But I have calmed down since and I’m wondering if maybe I’m the a-hole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
WaftingThoughts says:
NTA. Replace the door, remove the TV from his room.
thedoodely agrees:
He heard her panicked too and he decided to ignore her. Clearly he doesn't understand that priviledges like a lock and having a TV in your room come with a social contract where you need to aknolwedge the person on the other side of the door. NTA but put the door back on, just remove the lock and the TV until he learns to act like someone who can handle those priviledges.
True-Knowledge8369 goes off:
Not only decided to ignore her, but then told her that he didn’t want her to interrupt his movie, despite the fact she was in fear for his life, and got mad at her for breaking the door down. My mother would have been furious if I treated her like this. I don’t even want to know what punishment I likely would have received, but I’m sure having my door removed would have seemed preferable.
BaitedBreaths writes:
I do think teenagers need and deserve privacy, and furthermore, the rest of the family deserves privacy from them. I have a teenage son and I'm sure he does things in his room I don't want to witness. But OP's son has demonstrated that he doesn't currently deserve a lock on the door if he isn't going to give the common curtesy of a response when a family member knocks.
What really gets me is his absolutely disrespectful response to his mother's concern for his well-being--'screaming like a harpy?'--followed by a demand that she fix his door. In the words of my elders, he needs to be brought down a peg or two.
sehub points out:
Is everyone just completely skipping over the part where he says f*ck you to his mother lol. Not saying anything abt the door punishment, but your kid has 0 manners seriously
To which OP responds:
Thing is, he is super easy going normally. We obviously have normal issues as he is a teenager, but he is a responsible kid. I’m not sure what happened yesterday. He has never cursed at me or his dad before.
Lil-SD has the ultimate solution:
Sell the tv to pay for the new door… win-win.