Mom gets 8yo daughter hotel room instead of sharing bed with cousins. AITA?

"AITA for getting a hotel room for my spouse, me and my daughter instead of forcing her to share a bed with her cousins?"

I normally get along really well with my in-laws. My MIL is awesome, SILs and BILs and everyone else are just great people. We were headed out their way to go spend some time before school starts again and it lined up with when two other families were coming into town.

This meant that the bedrooms we’d normally stay in were packed, and while my husband and I had a room and a bed, our daughter (Cass, 8) didn’t have a spot to herself. My SIL suggested that she “just double up” with her cousins as some of the cousins would share beds. Cass was not happy about this and did not want to. She was pretty adamant about it.

She has never shared a bed with anyone, and I wasn’t about to force her to. I figured that us leaving to get a hotel a few miles away would free up some space and make it easier on everyone. Everyone was really taken aback by this. They kept telling me that it didn’t make sense, it was spending money when we didn’t need to, and that it’s fine for them to share beds.

I said I know it’s fine, but that Cass isn’t comfortable with it, and I’m not going to force her. They kept pushing back saying that “all girl share beds” and more stuff about how girls are used to seeing each other changing. They kept emphasizing that it's normal and it's weird for us to be upset about it.

They kept asking me why she was uncomfortable, and one of them even asked her in that way you know is meant to guilt them. Like “Why does this make you uncomfortable? Don’t you want to spend time with your cousins?”

We ended up getting the hotel room, but they brought it up every day and kept almost making fun of my daughter for not wanting to share a bed, indicating that she was “weird” and spoiled. I’ve never in my life shared a bed with anyone other than someone I’m being romantic with. Even as a little kid, I’d never have shared a bed either.

I didn’t change around other girls either except in gym class, where I’d generally change in the restroom because it felt really inappropriate. I didn’t think this was super weird, but the entire family (women at least) made me feel like I was some kind of freak for not forcing my daughter into it. AITA?

People did not hold back on this one.

blanketstatement5 wrote:

You're teaching your daughter that her consent and her boundaries and her bodily autonomy matter. Keep it up. NTA.

IamIrene wrote:

"They kept emphasizing that it's normal and it's weird for us to be upset about it."

What's weird is their insistence that it's normal. Your daughter was feeling uncomfortable about it - enough to have a real problem with it - you are looking out for your child. You're the parents, you make the rules regarding your child. Period. It's really weird that they don't understand that. NTA.

diminishingpatience wrote:

NTA. Their inability to accept an answer without a justification that they can accept is a problem. Putting pressure on a child is unacceptable.

"Cass was not happy about this and did not want to.

Cass isn’t comfortable with it, and I’m not going to force her."

That's it. No explanation is needed and pushing for one is extremely unhelpful.

HapaC13 wrote:

NAH it honestly is a little weird. Kids share beds on vacations all the time, little girls love having sleepovers with their friends & cousins. It’s a great cousin bonding time to stay up late giggling in the dark telling silly stories, etc. Also at 8 years old, she could just sleep on a cushion on the floor, or sleeping bag on the floor in your room or with her cousins.

That’s how we all slumber parties back in the day. So, it does make her pretty spoiled and inflexible. I can see how your in-laws were offended. You’re cutting out a lot of the fun memory-making cousin bonding time getting ready for bed together, waking up early and eating breakfast, etc. I have 4 kids and they love their cousin sleepovers.

While there isn't a fully unanimous consensus, most people agree that OP is NTA for letting Cass have her own space.