No one likes to feel left out. It's only natural to want to be included and considered, but that doesn't justify lashing out at people over those feelings. If anything, lashing out only creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of isolation.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her daughter she needs to get a job to pay back the cost of her stepsister's dress. She wrote:
My oldest (Bethany 16) has a step sibling (Maria 14 almost 15). Bethany and I are white while my husband and Maria are Mexican descent They have been in each other lives since they were 6 and 7 and overall the relationship is good until recently. Maria's quinceanera is coming up and my husband and his ex wife took her to get her dress. The dress and alliterations came to around 3000 dollars.
My daughter has been very jealous of the whole party. I’ve informed her it is part of the culture just like when she had a huge sweet sixteen party with her friends. I spent more time with her to try to make her feel better about it and got her own much cheaper dress for the party.
The party is suppose to be in two weeks but my daughter after an argument with Maria about the TV she scribbled sharpie all of the expensive dress and ripped the back. The story short everyone was pissed. I gave money to my husband and his ex to try to get a new dress ASAP. I informed my daughter she will need to get a job and pay back the full price of the dress as punishment.
We got in a huge argument over it and the whole situation isn’t fair that I am choosing Maria and being a huge jerk. Am I being a huge jerk?
Quinceanera dresses aren't cheap and your daughter is old enough to know better.
Sloppypoopypoppy had a crucial question:
INFO - Was there a big difference between what you spent on Bethany and what's being spent on Maria? Obviously, Bethany is an AH whatever happens as Maria hasn't done anything wrong and apart from small children, we don't express our upset by destroying other people's stuff, regardless of value.
I spent a lot for her sweet sixteen party around 4,000 for the venue and all that. Her party I think is around 6,000 in total but the cost is split between my husband and his ex. So he really spent 3000 on her party.
The difference in the dress I got her is a lot. I only spent 450 on a dress she picked out for the party. You wear basically a prom dress as a guest to a quinceanera not the huge fluffy dress that Maria is going to wear.
NTA. Bethany is old enough to get behind the wheel of a car. She needs to learn impulse control and that actions have consequences. In addition to repaying the cost of the dress, I hope there are more immediate consequences like grounding, taking away phone privileges, etc. Hers were the actions of a spoiled child having a tantrum, not those of a maturing young woman.
If this is normal behavior for Bethany, you should have her evaluated for mental illness as well. Another thought: you are paying very large sums of money for parties and dresses, so she may have no context for just how much money $3000 is - getting a job to work that off will be a real eye-opener for Bethany.
NTA. Post this same story from the perspective of Maria's mother in the legal advice forum and show the thread to Bethany. Your daughter would be totally effed if you had just let Maria's parents pursue damages through the legal system. She needs to understand how much jeopardy she has put herself in so that she can understand just how much you're shielding her from by handling the situation this way.
NTA but whooo boy that's a lot of anger. What's that all about? Probably worth finding out, I'd say.
OP is NTA here, it seems like her daughter needs to work through some deeply concerning feelings.