Family

<p>Being a parent seems hard, especially when there&#39;s no official guidebook to lay out the rules for you. But luckily there is Reddit, a website where so many people turn to in times of great ethical confusion. Recently, a conflicted mom turned to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A**hole?&quot; page to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqbhfo/aita_for_grounding_my_daughter_because_she_called/" target="_blank">ask for some parenting advice</a> after her teenaged daughter sl*t-shamed her sister-in-law.</p><h2>The mom says her 14-year-old daughter called her dad&#39;s sister a &quot;sl*t&quot; after finding out she&#39;s an adult film actress. So the mom grounded her for three months and took away her phone.</h2><p>The saga started when the teen got teased by her classmates after she posted a photo of her family online and a classmate recognized her aunt from an &quot;adult film.&quot;</p><p>She writes:</p><blockquote> <p>My daughter (14yo) posted a picture of a family get together on social media. A boy from school recognized her aunt from an adult film and messaged my daughter about it. I believe he sent a video to her as well. Before this, she had no idea her aunt was in the industry. It appears that boy spread this around the school and my daughter is being teased for it. I notified the school and they are looking into it and will plan to educate the students about sexism online.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The mom and her husband are &quot;respectful&quot; of her sister-in-law&#39;s profession and tried to instill these values in their kids. But the teen was upset after being bullied at school, and took her anger out at her aunt.</h2><p>The teen removed her aunt on all forms of social media, the ultimate form of teen shade, and she refuses to visit the aunt and &quot;ignores&quot; her when she comes over for dinner.</p><blockquote> <p>My husband and I are respectful and non-judgmental of my SIL&rsquo;s profession and have tried to teach these values to our children. My daughter is understandably upset and I feel for her, but she is directing all her anger and blame towards her aunt. She unfriended my SIL from social media and removed all traces of her from her profiles. She refuses to join us for weekly dinners at my SIL house and when they come over, she ignores them and just sits in her room playing minecraft. I tried talking to her about tolerance, shame, and sexism, but it she is dismissive of all of it.</p> </blockquote><h2>The aunt was &quot;hurt&quot; by her niece&#39;s reaction. But when she tried to talk to her about it, the teen called her a &quot;vapid sl*t&quot; and other slurs.</h2><blockquote> <p><br /> My SIL is hurt from all of this. Not only did she have her privacy invaded, but she lost a good relationship with her niece. Last weekend, I went upstairs to my daughters room to try and talk to her and get her to join us downstairs. My daughter refused and referred my SIL as &ldquo;a vapid sl*t&rdquo; and her husband &ldquo;a pathetic c*ck&rdquo; along with other slurs I don&rsquo;t want to repeat.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>As a response, the mom grounded her daughter for three months and took away her phone. But her husband thinks this punishment is &quot;too much.&quot;</h2><blockquote> <p>I grounded her for three months and took away her internet. My husband definitely thinks that she should be punished for using that language, but that&rsquo;s too much. He also admitted he struggled accepting his sister&rsquo;s career path at first. He thinks she just needs space and will come around eventually because her aunt is family.</p> </blockquote><h2>Commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly agree with the husband that this mom took things too far by giving her daughter such a severe punishment instead of empathizing with her.</h2><p>Many are pointing out that the daughter is reacting to her classmates&#39; bullying her, and that the mom should listen to her instead of punish her. After all, she is just a kid who did not choose to be bullied, whereas the aunt is an adult who made a choice to work in adult films.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/GennyX/">GennyX</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA. Stop and think for a minute what sorts of disgusting things those 14 year olds are saying to your CHILD. You don&rsquo;t think they&rsquo;re asking if she&rsquo;ll follow in her aunty&rsquo;s footsteps?</p> <p>It&rsquo;s beyond her capabilities right now to be expected to support the s*x industry while she is directly being HURT by it. Do you understand? This is currently doing serious harm to your daughter and she is angry at her aunt because it&rsquo;s not her aunt who has to wear these consequences, it&rsquo;s your 14 year old daughter. Her aunt got to make a choice to do this work as an adult. Your daughter is a child and did not sign up for this shit she is going through.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>And right now, it feels as though you&rsquo;re dismissing her pain and prioritising the aunt who isn&rsquo;t being harmed nearly as much as your child.</p> <p>For god&rsquo;s sake, HELP YOUR DAUGHTER right now and worry about your sermons about s*x work later.</p> <p>Also: she doesn&rsquo;t have to like s*x work. She doesn&rsquo;t have to support it or agree with it in any way if she doesn&rsquo;t want to. She&rsquo;s entitled to have her own opinion on the matter, and no doubt this experience is shaping her opinion.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Nicky666/">Nicky666</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA, your SIL&#39;s privacy was NOT invaded, she gave it up for money. I&#39;m not judgemental about this, she&#39;s an adult. However, your kid is NOT an adult, she doesn&#39;t get anything out of this except for being bullied in school. Your kid is the one that lost the relationship with her aunt, not the other way around.<br /> And apart from being bullied and teased about her aunt at school and losing a good relationship with her aunt, now her mother/father is also &quot;against her&quot;.....she did nothing wrong and now the whole world is against her, including the people that live in her home. Your kid must feel awfully alone.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p><br /> I think you should look at this from her perspective, it doesn&#39;t matter if you approve of your SIL&#39;s livestyle and if the internet approves of your SIL&#39;s livestyle. You&#39;re the a**hole because you lack empathy for your daughter.<br /> Btw, what does your husband mean by needing to punish her? And you thinking it is too much, because you already grounded her for three months and took away her internet??? Wat does punishing her beyond that mean?? I think you two might be way beyond being a**holes.</p> </blockquote><h2>Others are arguing that the teen <em>does</em> deserve to be punished for verbally assaulting her aunt. But that three months and no phone is too strict of a punishment.</h2><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/GlyphGryph/">GlyphGryph</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>She wasn&#39;t punished for &#39;doing nothign wrong&#39;, she was punished for behaviour like personal aggressive insults that are absolutely not okay to direct at someone who never acted with malice against her.</p> <p>3 months seems extreme though, and it doesn&#39;t sound like they&#39;re doing much work to support her either.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/milkbeamgalaxia/">milkbeamgalaxia</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>Yeah, she&rsquo;s an adult film actress. Privacy isn&rsquo;t exactly in their contract. I think OP needs to approach this at a more understanding angle.</p> <p>I&rsquo;m not condoning what her daughter said. I feel punishment is required for what she said, but three months is too much. I also understand the resentment and anger building to this. Teens are cruel, and I can&rsquo;t imagine what she&rsquo;s been dealing with. When you get down to it, the daughter is getting punished for her aunt&rsquo;s actions. I&rsquo;m not passing judgment on her aunt either.</p> <p>What will three months do for her? Will it help get her feelings out? It won&rsquo;t change her negative feelings. She&rsquo;ll just hold back until she&rsquo;s old enough to say them aloud, like when she turns 18. I think a constructive course of action is needed for this.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The mom heeded the advice of the internet, and shortened her daughter&#39;s grounding to three weeks. She also said she and her husband are &quot;looking into therapy&quot; for the teen.</h2><p>She added this edit to her post:</p><blockquote> <p>Seems like my husband is right and I went too far with the punishment. I just never imagined those hurtful words coming from her mouth. I&rsquo;m going to scale it back to two or three weeks or something like that. Will decide with the husband later. We&rsquo;re definitely concerned for our daughter about what&rsquo;s happening at school and we&rsquo;re looking into therapy.</p> </blockquote><p>Good job, internet. You did it! She asked for advice, you gave it, and she came around and admitted her mistake and is trying to make things right. Hopefully this girl will get the help and support she needs to recover from being bullied and to eventually move towards a place where she can apologize to, and forgive, her aunt.</p><p>It takes a village to raise a parent.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Mom asks if she's wrong to ground daughter for calling her adult film actress aunt a 'sl*t.'

Being a parent seems hard, especially when there&#39;s no official guidebook to lay out the rules for you. But luckily there is Reddit, a website where so many people turn to in times of great ethical confusion. Recently, a conflicted mom turned to Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A**hole?&quot; page to ask for some parenting advice after her teenaged daughter sl*t-shamed her sister-in-law.The mom says her 14-year-old daughter called her dad&#39;s sister a &quot;sl*t&quot; after finding out she&#39;s an adult film actress. So the mom grounded her for three months and took away her phone.The saga started when the teen got teased by her classmates after she posted a photo of her family online and a classmate recognized her aunt from an &quot;adult film.&quot;She writes: My daughter (14yo) posted a picture of a family get together on social media. A boy from school recognized her aunt from an adult film and messaged my daughter about it. I believe he sent a video to her as well. Before this, she had no idea her aunt was in the industry. It appears that boy spread this around the school and my daughter is being teased for it. I notified the school and they are looking into it and will plan to educate the students about sexism online. The mom and her husband are &quot;respectful&quot; of her sister-in-law&#39;s profession and tried to instill these values in their kids. But the teen was upset after being bullied at school, and took her anger out at her aunt.The teen removed her aunt on all forms of social media, the ultimate form of teen shade, and she refuses to visit the aunt and &quot;ignores&quot; her when she comes over for dinner. My husband and I are respectful and non-judgmental of my SIL&rsquo;s profession and have tried to teach these values to our children. My daughter is understandably upset and I feel for her, but she is directing all her anger and blame towards her aunt. She unfriended my SIL from social media and removed all traces of her from her profiles. She refuses to join us for weekly dinners at my SIL house and when they come over, she ignores them and just sits in her room playing minecraft. I tried talking to her about tolerance, shame, and sexism, but it she is dismissive of all of it. The aunt was &quot;hurt&quot; by her niece&#39;s reaction. But when she tried to talk to her about it, the teen called her a &quot;vapid sl*t&quot; and other slurs.  My SIL is hurt from all of this. Not only did she have her privacy invaded, but she lost a good relationship with her niece. Last weekend, I went upstairs to my daughters room to try and talk to her and get her to join us downstairs. My daughter refused and referred my SIL as &ldquo;a vapid sl*t&rdquo; and her husband &ldquo;a pathetic c*ck&rdquo; along with other slurs I don&rsquo;t want to repeat. As a response, the mom grounded her daughter for three months and took away her phone. But her husband thinks this punishment is &quot;too much.&quot; I grounded her for three months and took away her internet. My husband definitely thinks that she should be punished for using that language, but that&rsquo;s too much. He also admitted he struggled accepting his sister&rsquo;s career path at first. He thinks she just needs space and will come around eventually because her aunt is family. Commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly agree with the husband that this mom took things too far by giving her daughter such a severe punishment instead of empathizing with her.Many are pointing out that the daughter is reacting to her classmates&#39; bullying her, and that the mom should listen to her instead of punish her. After all, she is just a kid who did not choose to be bullied, whereas the aunt is an adult who made a choice to work in adult films.GennyX says: YTA. Stop and think for a minute what sorts of disgusting things those 14 year olds are saying to your CHILD. You don&rsquo;t think they&rsquo;re asking if she&rsquo;ll follow in her aunty&rsquo;s footsteps? It&rsquo;s beyond her capabilities right now to be expected to support the s*x industry while she is directly being HURT by it. Do you understand? This is currently doing serious harm to your daughter and she is angry at her aunt because it&rsquo;s not her aunt who has to wear these consequences, it&rsquo;s your 14 year old daughter. Her aunt got to make a choice to do this work as an adult. Your daughter is a child and did not sign up for this shit she is going through.   And right now, it feels as though you&rsquo;re dismissing her pain and prioritising the aunt who isn&rsquo;t being harmed nearly as much as your child. For god&rsquo;s sake, HELP YOUR DAUGHTER right now and worry about your sermons about s*x work later. Also: she doesn&rsquo;t have to like s*x work. She doesn&rsquo;t have to support it or agree with it in any way if she doesn&rsquo;t want to. She&rsquo;s entitled to have her own opinion on the matter, and no doubt this experience is shaping her opinion. And Nicky666 writes: YTA, your SIL&#39;s privacy was NOT invaded, she gave it up for money. I&#39;m not judgemental about this, she&#39;s an adult. However, your kid is NOT an adult, she doesn&#39;t get anything out of this except for being bullied in school. Your kid is the one that lost the relationship with her aunt, not the other way around. And apart from being bullied and teased about her aunt at school and losing a good relationship with her aunt, now her mother/father is also &quot;against her&quot;.....she did nothing wrong and now the whole world is against her, including the people that live in her home. Your kid must feel awfully alone.   I think you should look at this from her perspective, it doesn&#39;t matter if you approve of your SIL&#39;s livestyle and if the internet approves of your SIL&#39;s livestyle. You&#39;re the a**hole because you lack empathy for your daughter. Btw, what does your husband mean by needing to punish her? And you thinking it is too much, because you already grounded her for three months and took away her internet??? Wat does punishing her beyond that mean?? I think you two might be way beyond being a**holes. Others are arguing that the teen does deserve to be punished for verbally assaulting her aunt. But that three months and no phone is too strict of a punishment.GlyphGryph writes: She wasn&#39;t punished for &#39;doing nothign wrong&#39;, she was punished for behaviour like personal aggressive insults that are absolutely not okay to direct at someone who never acted with malice against her. 3 months seems extreme though, and it doesn&#39;t sound like they&#39;re doing much work to support her either. And milkbeamgalaxia writes: Yeah, she&rsquo;s an adult film actress. Privacy isn&rsquo;t exactly in their contract. I think OP needs to approach this at a more understanding angle. I&rsquo;m not condoning what her daughter said. I feel punishment is required for what she said, but three months is too much. I also understand the resentment and anger building to this. Teens are cruel, and I can&rsquo;t imagine what she&rsquo;s been dealing with. When you get down to it, the daughter is getting punished for her aunt&rsquo;s actions. I&rsquo;m not passing judgment on her aunt either. What will three months do for her? Will it help get her feelings out? It won&rsquo;t change her negative feelings. She&rsquo;ll just hold back until she&rsquo;s old enough to say them aloud, like when she turns 18. I think a constructive course of action is needed for this. The mom heeded the advice of the internet, and shortened her daughter&#39;s grounding to three weeks. She also said she and her husband are &quot;looking into therapy&quot; for the teen.She added this edit to her post: Seems like my husband is right and I went too far with the punishment. I just never imagined those hurtful words coming from her mouth. I&rsquo;m going to scale it back to two or three weeks or something like that. Will decide with the husband later. We&rsquo;re definitely concerned for our daughter about what&rsquo;s happening at school and we&rsquo;re looking into therapy. Good job, internet. You did it! She asked for advice, you gave it, and she came around and admitted her mistake and is trying to make things right. Hopefully this girl will get the help and support she needs to recover from being bullied and to eventually move towards a place where she can apologize to, and forgive, her aunt.It takes a village to raise a parent.

Being a parent seems hard, especially when there&#39;s no official guidebook to lay out the rules for you. But luckily there is Reddit, a website where so many people turn to in times of great ethical confusion. Recently, a conflicted mom...