Here's the story:
I live with my 15 year old son, 7 year old daughter, 16 year old daughter, and husband. With that alone it's a little crowded but everyone has their own bedroom and bathroom.
My Son and eldest daughter are very close. They still fight but I wouldn't say is much as most siblings do, but whenever he wants to talk to her he just bursts through the door.
If the door is locked, he just hits it with his shoulder until she opens it while at the same time, damaging the house. Whenever she asks him to stop, he ignores it and only stops for a day when we tell him to stop. He always talks about his privacy and the importance of it but disregards others.
Last week though, he caught her changing. She was very angry and upset and came to tell us about it. We sat down with our son and told him that if he can't respect other people privacy then he can't have his own. We then took off his bedroom door (He still has his bathroom door)
My husband doesn't necessarily think I'm an AH but he thinks "that's just our son". He thinks we should've instead helped her prank him(???) He's been begging for the door back for 3 days now and I plan to put it back at the end of the week. AITA?
EDIT: This is the first time he has busted in on her changing. He doesn't target times he should be changing either so I assume he isn't looking to see her naked
NTA. I was all ready to vote y-t-a based on the title, but this is A) only a short-term punishment and B) in direct response to his invading others' privacy.
An unfortunate number of parents think that kids don't deserve privacy and remove doors or demand they always be open. You're not one of them; this is designed to teach him the value of privacy and why he shouldn't invade others, not to remove his privacy.
NTA. Usually I would say yes, you're the a$%&ole, because kids deserve privacy in their own bedroom, but honestly this might be the push he needs to start respecting other people's privacy.
This sounds like one of the few situations I think it's okay to take away a kid's door. I think you're justified, but please don't make this your go-to reaction when he misbehaves in other ways. This punishment makes sense for THIS crime. It doesn't for not doing his chores, you know?
Firstly, wtf husband. Secondly, I was prepared to say that you are TA, but this is far from the case. If he cannot respect others then he shouldn't have the right to a door, and I would buy your daughter a lock.
I would also look into the possibilities of therapy (?) I don't know if there's some underlying issues, but it seems odd to keep just popping into your sister's room and not have boundaries. NTA
NTA. This measure is not cruel or abusive, and might just teach him a lesson on the privacy that he values for himself. Sounds like he has other issues though, if he's trying to shoulder slam open locked doors. That's weird.
NTA. I was so ready to say you were, but a brother creeping on his sister needs to be taught a lesson.
As long as it's temporary I'll go with NTA. He needs to learn boundaries and respect.
And B4pangea said:
NTA. A lot of times on this sub, I think a parent’s punishment goes too far or doesn’t fit the crime or is more about relieving the parents’ anger or asserting control than teaching anything to the kid.
This? Is SPOT ON. You freely demand privacy while having no respect for others’ privacy? Get a short dose of what it feels like not to have any. I say stick to the timeframe you told him- let him know that you mean what you say and will follow through.