Calling out bias is a simple choice in theory, but when it comes to family situations - the backlash can be unbelievable.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for choosing her son's friends over the family. She wrote:
I have a 16-year-old son, Nate. He’s been in this friend group of 5 (including him) since they were about 8 years old. We’re white, and so are two of the other boys, but one is Middle Eastern and another is South Asian. This is relevant. It was Thanksgiving the other day and the two boys that aren’t white don’t celebrate the holiday so I always invite them to ours.
They usually come and it’s always great fun for the boys. Especially since Nate’s cousins are either much older or much younger. Like the past few years, I invited them, and they both came. My mom also brought her new boyfriend. I’ve met him before and he seemed fine. He saw the boys in the living room and immediately went “Now I know those two young men aren’t yours!”
I explained to him that they’re Nate’s friends. He whispered something to my mom but she just walked away. Okay whatever. He stood by the boys the whole time but they didn’t seem to care and made conversation with him. I relaxed and left to do something.
Twenty minutes later, Nate comes up to me saying that grandma’s boyfriend is being weird so I go see what’s happening, he’s interrogating the other boys about their “true intentions” with Nate and the rest of us. One of the boys jokingly goes “damn you caught us” which sent him spiraling.
I interrupted and dragged him to the kitchen where I told him that he needs to leave. He was being pretty r*cist. He was surprised and I’m sure he was expecting me to at least give him another chance but I’ve read enough stories to know that he’d say something even shittier later. Besides, I care about those boys way more than I care about him.
He called my mom over and she begged me to give him another chance, she’ll make sure he keeps mouth shut. I told her I’m sorry, but I couldn’t care less. She got extremely upset and said that I should send the boys home if they’re so uncomfortable plus it’s a family holiday. I just shrugged but she just got annoyed and said if he leaves, she leaves too.
I did hesitate but ultimately decided she can leave too. Mom didn’t take that well and said her boyfriend was just saying what they all were thinking and it's about time those boys stopped “infiltrating” our family time.
They left and I was still fairly confident until one aunt and her daughters said that it’s true that they (and others) don’t like that these two boys are at every thanksgiving/sometimes Christmas and it’s a little suspicious (?) but “it’s not a race thing.” They said it was pretty terrible of me to choose random teenage boys over family but I told them they were welcome to leave as well and they shut up.
Idk if that’s what I’m doing but apparently many of them feel this way. AITA for choosing these boys over family? Mom won’t talk to me either.
Canada has Thanksgiving in October. It was on the 9th.
Cocokreykrey had a key question:
NTA. Your mom's BF was so out of line, and it was good for those boys and your own son to see an adult stand up for what’s right even if means grandma was offended and left. If you had let him stay, it would’ve shown you condone what he said.
Does your aunt have any legitimate claims against the boys aside from their mere presence at holiday gatherings? We don’t get to choose our blood relatives but we get to choose our “family”…. These boys are so lucky to have you. Thank you for opening your home and heart to them.
And OP answered:
I mean they do get a little hyper at times but it’s literally normal teenage boy stuff (and I mean it, this isn’t a weird “boys will be boys” excuse). The “worst” they’ve done is accidentally knock over a picture frame a couple years ago when they decided indoor baseball was a good idea.
Otherwise, they stick to themselves or stay in the basement. And thank you. They have loving families, Christmas and Thanksgiving just aren’t celebrated in their families so I figured it would be a nice get-together for them. It’s nothing much.
“It’s a family holiday” meanwhile I bet no-one is offering to host so that they get to control who gets invited. NTA.
And OP responded:
Oh yeah, they all decided to make me the family event host because I’m the only stay at home mom and our house is the biggest but I didn’t mind because I like hosting parties. Now if they’re going to say I’m abusing my power then they can all host their own parties.
Well, whoever your mom is sleeping with that week isn’t your family either. Your son’s friends have been with him for half his life, and would be there for him and you as well, when the rest of the cousins would bail out on you. NTA.
NTA "Boys that have grown up beside my son and are among his closest friends are not 'random young men' they are our extended family of choice. It's a pity you all chose mom's racist bedwarmer of the hour over DS and his friends, but you are no longer welcome here until you get your heads straight."
NTA. The only thing that seems “suspicious” is their claim this isn’t about race. You sound like a great example for your son, don’t let your family pressure you into compromising your character.
OP is clearly NTA, she just has family with messed-up priorities.