'AITA for gifting one daughter a house, but not the other?'
"AITA for gifting one daughter a house, but not the other?"
So I (F47) have two daughters “Belle” (F25) and “Elise” (F23). My husband is a doctor and I am an engineer, so we are financially well off. While we don’t make enough to be considered ‘rich’, we make enough to give our children a privileged life.
When my daughters were in high school, my husband and I realized we had around ~150k each in savings for our children’s educations. We sat down and discussed with the girls about their college funds.
Belle has always wanted to go to college, while Elise was more neutral about the whole thing. Well in a few years Belle got into a very good (but expensive) college and ended up wiping out the money plus some loans. She finished paying them off a year ago, and everything was fine.
My younger daughter never really cared much for college, she got a degree in business from a community college and landed a job with a company. As a result, she didn’t really need to spend all of the money we had saved for college, so I put it away.
A few months ago, Elise was visiting me and she was complaining about a house she and her husband really loved, but was out of her price range. I felt bad for her, and discussed it with my husband, who suggested I give her the college money. I thought over it and decided to, and gave it to her. She was very happy and cried a lot.
Well they finally moved into their house this last week, and Elsie invited the whole family to come visit and see the new house. When Belle arrived she was taken aback, since the house was large and in a nice area.
She asked how Elise was able to afford it, and Elise offhandedly mentioned that I gave her half the money. Belle didn’t say anything, but got really quiet, and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the evening.
I called her yesterday and asked if something was wrong, and she kinda exploded at me, shouting that I was showing favoritism by giving Elise the money for the house, and it was unfair.
I tried to explain that it was the college money that she had already received but Belle said that she had to take out loans despite our contribution, while Elise wouldn’t have to worry about the house loans.
I tried to explain my side, but she blocked me, and must have told my sister, because I got a call berating me for treating Belle less equally.
My husband says that Belle is just acting entitled, and to let it blow over, but I feel bad because it is true that Elise has no loans at all, while Belle was saddled with debt at a young age. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You gave both your kids exactly the same. How they spent it is on them. Belle could have gone to a cheaper school and achieved the same educational result. She chose not to. You are NTA but eldest is an Entitled AH.
I'm not sure Belle knew that choosing a cheaper school and buying a house with the rest of the money was an option.
I think all the people calling Belle TA are wrong. The correct answer is NAH. You are not an AH for giving the money to Elise, but Belle is also not TA for being upset that she didn’t know that this option was available to her.
She is TA for exploding and blocking the family and trash talking them to everyone.