Chronically hospitalized teen finally proves her mom has been fabricating her 'illness' for years. UPDATED
"I know my mom is over exaggerating my symptoms, but I don’t know what to do."
Hey doctors. I made a Reddit account for this question after I did a google search. It seemed like the safest way to get an answer privately. I’m a 15 year old girl. I’m 5’ and 82lbs. I take Keppra, hydroxychloroquine and adderall. I live in the US. This has been going on for 5 years. I’m diagnosed with epilepsy, undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, and adhd. My mom thinks I have POTS, Eds, and some other things.
Basically, I had a seizure once when I was about 10 on a school field trip. My mom had always been really intense anytime I got sick. She took me to the doctor for every single cold. But this seizure sent her overboard. And since then she’s basically been convinced that I have some kind of serious diseases.
At first I believed her. She was good at convincing me I was feeling things or that stuff happened that I didn’t remember because I “was having a seizure”. But the only one I know I had for sure was the one in 5th grade, and when I was at the hospital after they didn’t find an obvious cause.
Since then my mom takes me to all these appointments claiming I have symptoms I don’t or making them sound way worse than they are. For example, she’ll claim I’m having fevers and that the only reason I don’t have one in clinic is because I took Tylenol. It’ll be true that I took Tylenol but not because I had a fever. She just gives it to me.
She’ll also have me take cold medicine before cardiology appointments. Like she says “here you’re sniffly, take this”. But now I’m reading that cold medicine makes your heart rate go up, and half the time I don’t even feel “sniffly”.
It’s like she’ll plant things too. She’ll start saying “you seem light headed. Your joints look swollen. You look out of focus”. Like she’s trying to convince me. And it used to work but now I’m sitting here like….i feel fine. And I’m sick of all these appointments.
I want to do stuff with my friends and stop taking meds that make me angry and sad and sick to my stomach. She’ll take pictures at angles that make things look worse than they are.
One time I got a ton of bruises after playing on a water slide inflatable thing and taking a bunch of ibuprofen (for “joint pain”) but I got a ton of bruises from it and she told the doctor they showed up with no cause and I got a full leukemia work up and she was telling everyone how I probably had leukemia.
I didn’t. I knew what it was from, but she convinced me that playing on inflatables would never cause that kind of bruising unless I was really sick so I didn’t say anything.
The problem is now it’s been years and I’m afraid if I say something we’re going to get in trouble. And then no doctor will ever believe me if I do get sick someday. I don’t know why I didn’t say something sooner.
I’ve been pretty sure for like 2 years that she’s making most of this up but it’s confusing and idk I thought maybe she was right and I was just brushing off things. Sometimes it would feel like she was right.
What do I do? Can I tell the doctors I see that it’s probably not real or is this going to ruin my medical care forever? Also, I really did have a seizure when I was 10. I was at school and there was a whole cafeteria of witnesses.
So that wasn’t made up. I don’t even know what’s real at this point though. I had a high ana (1:160) but I don’t think a lot of the other symptoms that got the connective tissue disease diagnosis were real.
I’m not trying to say it’s not my fault too. I should’ve said something sooner. But I feel stuck. Please help me figure this out. I see a cardiologist Thursday and I want this to be over. Also…I know my bmi is low. I don’t eat a lot. I’m working on it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
It’s good that you reached out, and I’m glad you did. What you describe is not normal behavior from your mother. But there is a name for it, and it’s called Münchhausen by proxy syndrome.
That basically means that your mother probably has a mental illness, that tells her that you are sick, even though you are probably not. It also sometimes tells her to give you stuff because she needs to see you sick.
Even though you don’t need it. Now, this is what I think is going on based on your Reddit post. Essentially, if you feel none of the symptoms your mother is telling your doctors you have, then this is not a good thing. Where I live, you would be old enough to go to a doctor yourself, without a parent. I do not know how it is in your country, though.
I would strongly suggest you tell somebody about this, and it should be an adult. A doctor is probably best, but if you can’t, a social worker, or psychologist, or nurse, or something like that works too.
Does your school offer somebody like that? Maybe you can ask to see them during school time. Write everything down you feel your mother is doing, so you can tell them about it. Stay safe!
Public-Kangaroo-6867 (OP)
I probably could go to a doctor myself but my mom won’t let me because she says it’s important to have an adult who can explain things and that she wants to make sure she knows the treatment plan. I also don’t go back to school until September :/ is there some way to signal to a doctor to ask me something alone or go make my mom sign papers or something?
If it’s possible, and you can sneak away for a few minutes, you can call the doctors office and let them know in advance that you need to speak to the doctor privately without your mother present. If it’s not possible for you to sneak away and make the call, I would write a small, easily hidden note before you go, and keep it in your pocket.
After you’re in the exam room, say that you need to use the bathroom. Hand the note to literally anybody staff-wise that you encounter. (Make it a point to see someone on the staff.
Even if you know where the restroom is, go ask them where it is, as an excuse to pass the note.) It can say something simple like, “please let the doctor know I need to talk to them alone and it’s urgent, but I don’t want my mom to be suspicious.”
Three weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
I posted here once before because I knew my mom was lying about me being sicker than I was and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I took everyone’s advice and I ended up telling them at the next appointment.
After we checked in I said I had to go to the bathroom and I left a note with a nurse. I think my doctor maybe looked at it before the appointment actually because it took a really long time for us to go back, and then in the appointment the doctor was asking a lot more probing questions and clarifying questions and pointing out inconsistencies my mom said.
And then he asked to talk to me by myself and my mom by herself too actually. So I’m seeing a a team of doctors now who wanted to verify some of the diagnosis that I had and they admitted me to do that.
Like in the hospital, and there was always a nurse or someone in my room with me. I’m not 100% sure because no one actually told me this is why but I’m guessing it was to make sure my mom didn’t say or do anything or give me anything? Is that something they’d actually do? It sounds so dramatic. Or maybe it’s normal to check things out in the hospital like that. Idk.
Anyway, they’re changing some of my diagnoses now and my mom is talking with a counselor. She still maintains that’s she’s not doing anything to me and I’m really sick and just getting influenced by crime documentaries (adding- she caught me listening to the podcast for context).
But things are a little better. She’s not supposed to be in charge of any of my meds now, I do that myself. And I write down everything I take and when in a journal so there’s a record. And I’m not taking the hydroxychloroquine anymore.
Thank you guys for telling me to say something. I was really afraid I was going to get in trouble but no one was mad. Not even at my mom actually. They were nice about it. Maybe a little stern but nice.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You did a difficult but important thing to protect your health and safety. This is not about your mom, it's about you. I'm so happy to see your update, as I read your original post, and I hope you can get this all sorted! Keep looking after yourself like this 😊
OP, you are so brave and so strong. That’s all I wanted to say. I’m just so impressed.
Seriously! OP, it may have felt like you had no choice but to be brave, but that isn’t true. You very easily could have not pushed back and advocated for yourself. But you didn’t. You acted with incredible bravery and resilience. I’m in awe of you. Good job, sis.
She's controlling her food intake because that's the only control she had in her life, pretty typical eating disorder behavior. I hope she gets all the help she needs and can break away from the co dependent mother.
The thing about not wanting to see her mom as 'bad' is so heartbreaking. Addressing things in a non-confrontational way is helping the daughter want to work with them and be honest, and keeping the mother from escalating - but, when she's an adult, she may come to feel differently.
And possibly even resent the adults for not 'standing up for her' more. The paradox is if they tried that, she wouldn't be as cooperative, and would be more traumatized. I feel for professionals who are in this situation.