I have 2 daughters, M and D with my ex and a stepdaughter, O with my husband.
All 3 girls have a big hobby of skating. M and D have been doing it since they were young and O also took it up. As M got older, she mostly skated with her husband and they made up some very nice routines together. He passed last year and M's pretty much refused to step foot in a rink since then.
We celebrated Thanksgiving in NY with my husband's family this year, M, D and O were all there. We had a day out on our last day, and all the cousins were planning on skating, so M was convinced that she should give it a try now.
All tickets had been bought, and paid for/gifted by my SIL (no refunds). When M got there, she flat out refused to go on. O tried to comfort her and say it was okay, and the ticket had already been bought. It looked bad, that my SIL had spent all this money on buying tickets and now M was pulling this, and I could see SIL starting to get mad at M.
I went up to her privately and said she can just go on for a little bit, all the family is here and it'll be fun. She insisted no and started crying. I told her to stop making a scene and embarrassing herself in front of everyone.
M got upset, and D came off to sit with her. M refused to talk to me afterwards, and she wouldn't interact much with anyone else except D. Obviously she's upset and D wasn't happy with me either. But my husband and most of the family there saw/know what happened, and they said M should've at least, or opted out in the first place.
AITA, for saying that to my daughter at the rink?
Here's what people had to say in the comments:
YTA big time. It was obviously upsetting M and there was no need to pressure her here. OP made this post sound like a child threw a tantrum, which speaks volumes about OP. The only reason this was an issue was because OP couldn't accept a legitimate 'no' as answer.
Info: not sure it will change my vote, but how much were the tickets?
skatingaita OP responded:
Tickets were around $55 each
ESH. I feel like people aren't getting the full picture here. OP is an AH because of the way she reacted and her lack of understanding, sure.
I get M not wanting to skate, that's fine, but she chose to come. She could've said no, sorry I don't think I want to do this, and gone and done something else. Instead, she made her aunt buy a ticket in case she felt up for it. And skating in NY, depending on the rink can cost up to $70, $80, even close to $100.
OP, you shouldn't have said that to her so you're an AH, but M also is because she's a grown adult, possibly in her 30s (OP didn't mention age), who should've known better what she can and can't handle.
skatingaita OP responded:
Yes this is what a lot of others were saying, that if she really didn't feel up for it she could've said no when SIL bought the tickets. She said she'd be fine skating. (M is 24)
YTA. A year is nothing when grieving...sometimes it's like yesterday. Who gives a f. If she wasted ticket money. And how expensive is skating??? She's not ready to participate in something she used to enjoy with her husband.
I don’t care if she backed out of a first class flight to another continent and all expenses paid vacation because her grief is too raw. She is in so much pain, and her mother just compounded that with her cruelty. I hope she has other people in her life to support her emotionally, because she sure isn’t getting it from OP.
I'll honestly never understand the people who insist that an unhappy person slightly using something meant to be fun against their will is any less wasting the money than just not doing it at all.
It's huge that her daughter even felt up to trying. And anyone that knows how recently she lost a husband she used to do this with should have always known there was quite a big chance she would have gotten there and not be able to do it, even if she once thought she was ready
OP is only concerned with their rep, not their child's grief. Automatic YTA. Thankfully the a**holery seems to have skipped a generation with their kids. You are an a**hole