Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If the vibe is off, they often pick up on it - even if they don't know exactly what is going on.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her kids that her MIL doesn't like her. She wrote:
My husband (33M) and I (31F) have two 8-year-old twin boys. We both work full time and my husband makes a little more than me, but just a little. We make enough to be financially secure - we can afford all the necessities and rent a 2 bedroom apartment, but we have never traveled (aside from weekend road trips) and probably won't be able to in the foreseeable future.
My husband's family is quite well off. A few weeks ago, my MIL called my husband and asked if he wanted to bring our kids to go on a trip with her. She apparently wanted to spend some time with her family. Her "family", though, doesn't include me. She has always disliked me and never considered me part of her family.
Partly because I'm not religious (my husband is, but he respects my lack of belief), and also because she just doesn't like me. My husband knows this and hasn't ever forced me to interact with her, but he still talks to her occasionally. Anyhow, he told me that my MIL had offered to pay for him and the boys to go on a two-week trip with her around Thanksgiving time.
I'm not invited, she said I'm "not really her family, so she doesn't want to pay for me too". (This is what she said word for word, according to my husband.) She knows that we cannot afford for me to pay to come on this luxury trip. She can afford it pretty easily herself. I was pretty upset about this, because I'd love a break too, but I understand that the kids will love this so I said that of course they should go.
I tried to be cheerful about it but my husband understood that I was upset, he asked my MIL specifically to please invite me too so that we can have a proper family trip. She reiterated that I might be his family but I'm not her family. I told him not to push it, because I want my kids to have a good time without my husband and MIL fighting during the trip.
But I've been feeling pretty angry about the whole thing. So yesterday when my son asked me why I wasn't more excited about the trip, I told him I wasn't coming because his grandma hates me. I said this in a bitter tone. They were pretty upset to hear this.
Later, my husband told me I was an AH for dumping my feelings on my kids, and making them feel guilty about looking forward to the trip. He said I was ruining it for them and also ruining their relationship with my MIL (they're pretty close), and that I'm being selfish. So do you think I'm in the wrong?
"Later, my husband told me I was an asshole for dumping my feelings on my kids, and making them feel guilty about looking forward to the trip. He said I was ruining it for them and also ruining their relationship with my MIL (they're pretty close), and that I'm being selfish. So do you think I'm in the wrong?"
No, not the AH. Mom and kids are a package deal. Why would you lie to spare his feeling when he's done jack s#$t to defend you.
NTA. Grandmothers who mistreat the mother of their grandchildren do not get to have a close pleasant relationship with those grandchildren. WTF was MIL and your husband planning to tell the children when you didn’t go on the trip?
I guarantee they would have put the onus on you. They’d have made you the bad guy that doesn’t want to have family fun and not cared at all how that affected YOUR relationships with your children. Further your children are 8. They’re going to start putting together that mum is excluded, and it isn’t going to take them long at all to realize why. You have a husband and a MIL problem.
NTA. Your husband is TA - he should support you, instead he caters to his mom.
He should've told MIL that you and the twins are a unit, its all or none.
NTA. I would rethink your decision to let your kids go abroad with someone who hates you alongside a husband that won’t stand up for you. Your spouse should be your biggest defender against his family. At worst, he should go alone with no kids. At best, everyone should stay home.
The kids might love the trip but the trip is with a woman that clearly had no respect for you. We teach our children what to accept. You’ll be teaching your kids it’s okay to accept being treated this way.
NTA but you missed an opportunity to put this on all on your MIL who shares the blame with your spineless husband. You should have just responded with “I’m not going because I was not invited. I’m don’t know why so if you want to know you will have to ask grandma.“
OP is NTA, but her MIL is, and her husband is an enabler.