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Mom won't let daughter share a room with her wife, daughter gets hotel, mom feels 'hurt.'

Mom won't let daughter share a room with her wife, daughter gets hotel, mom feels 'hurt.'


Some parents, no matter how long their kid has been an adult, will always have them sleep in a separate room from their partners. In some cases, it's a logistical issue of only having couches or twin beds. But in many cases, the real reason is a deep discomfort with the idea of them getting intimate in the same house - even if it's just the intimacy of co-sleeping.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for making her adult daughter sleep in a separate room from her wife.

She wrote:

AITA for making my daughter and her wife sleep in different rooms?

I am asking here because a friend told me to. My daughter (31F), her wife (33F), and their son (5M) live in a different state. I (60F) always am the one who goes to visit them in their house because of my DIL's busy work schedule. My daughter said she wanted to come and see me and her old friends with her family.

They are currently renovating their house (they have a house in our city and usually stay there when they rarely do come over) and my daughter asked me if they could stay with me. I said of course. When they arrived, I mentioned I had prepared each of them a different room. One for my daughter, one for DIL and one for my grandson.

My daughter said I was being unreasonable and that she wanted to sleep in the same room as her wife. I said I made her brother and his wife do the same thing when they visited and they never complained. My daughter told my DIL to arrange for a hotel. I was really hurt by her decision and said I hoped she'd just stay and it was a few days.

She said she hadn't slept apart from her wife for the past 9 years and wasn't going to start doing that now. They left and stayed at the hotel. My daughter is still kind of cold to me and my friends think I acted like an AH. Was I TA?

The internet quickly weighed in with their thoughts and feelings on the matter.

PermaThrwAway wrote:

'I said I made her brother and his wife do the same thing when they visited and they never complained.'

Your daughter simply isn't willing to take s**t like her brother. Good for her.


Nattodesu wrote:

INFO: Why on earth are you making married couples sleep in separate rooms?

spicyhooligan wrote:

YTA. They are a married couple. Why are you trying to dictate whether or not they sleep next to each other? I would've got a hotel if I was them too!

Ceecee_soup wrote:

I N F O:

You give exactly ZERO context for this very strange rule that you have implemented. I can’t think of a single reason that would justify it personally, but how do you expect anybody to support your decision when you haven’t even tried to explain it?

ETA: OP claims that this practice (expecting married people to sleep in separate rooms as guests) is standard in their culture, and that she and her husband sleep separately themselves as guests. While that claim is a bit questionable (given the daughter's surprise at the request, and the fact that none of us have ever heard of a culture where that is standard).

I think OP’s consistency in enforcing this rule makes this a NAH, but I hope OP takes this moment as an opportunity to reflect on the real life impact of this rule, and decide whether this is a hill she is willing to die on. Also OP, you should make sure you communicate this rule to your guests ahead of time. As you can probably see, your expectations around this are not exactly common.

Clearly, there needs to be more context, or OP is simply not being honest about why she's so steadfast with this rule. Either way, she is TA in this situation.

Sources: Reddit
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