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Mom won't pay for school if daughter skips family vacation to study. AITA?

Mom won't pay for school if daughter skips family vacation to study. AITA?


Family time is important, but so is an education.

One woman was torn when her chronic illness and a bad breakup put her behind on school work. She says that, if she went on the family vacation, she wouldn't be able to complete her classes she needed to attend college. Her parents had an aggressive response.

'WIBTA for bailing on my family's vacation super last minute?'


I (18F) am (supposed) to be leaving in 2 days to go on vacation for a week with my family. My parents planned this vacation mainly around my Mom (51F), an elementary school teacher's schedule, as she gets March break off.

My Dad (53M) makes his own hours and my little sister (12F) is in elementary school, so this timing works for the majority of my family, hence why they chose this week.

However, my older sister (20F) and I have very different school schedules than them, and the idea of this vacation has become gruelling and stressful for us due to the timing.

My sister is in her third year of university, and I am currently enrolled in a self-paced, online high school, completing pre-requisites for the university computer science programs I want to get into.

I am currently balancing calculus, 2 computer science courses, and an earth science course which I need to have final marks for by the beginning of May (started in January) to get into university.

The self-paced thing should make this vacation easy to work around, however, a lot of extenuating circumstances have caused my self-made schedule/work pacing to get f*%ked up.

I have a chronic illness (part of the reason I do online school right now) which has given me a few 1-2 week long flare-ups since the beginning of the year that prevented me from doing work. I also finally left a very abusive relationship I was stuck in a week ago, which has put me in a weird emotional state and caused me to not be able to do work since.

I am finally feeling better now, and have been grinding school all day. Given all these bumps in the road, however, this upcoming week of getting work done is vital for my catch-up.

Going on vacation would prevent me from being able to get it done, likely meaning I won't get marks in on time and therefore can't go to university in the Fall. My only option to make sure this doesn't happen is not going on this trip.

The reason I think I might be an a**hole if I bail is because of my parent's reaction to my older sister when she tried to. When the vacation was just in the planning stages, my sister expressed that she didn't think it was a good idea for her to go on this trip because it was right before her midterms.

My parents told her that if she didn't go they wouldn’t let her study abroad next year (she got accepted to study in South Korea) and would no longer help her pay for school because she was (in their words) being 'ungrateful' and 'a brat' by not wanting to go.

I know vacations are very expensive, especially for families, and I am beyond thankful and grateful that I have parents who work hard and are able to take us on these kinds of vacations/want us there with them.

I am afraid if I do this I will be an a**hole and come off as spoiled or unappreciative for their efforts. So, WIBTA for bailing on my family vacation last minute?

Here is what people had to say:


NTA. Your mom is a school teacher, she should understand why this timing is bad for you and your sister and prioritize your educational efforts over this family trip.


Yta- but only because it is too last minute to cancel. Take your school work with you. Depending on the place or type of vacation you’re going on, I’d just do my best to get your studying in. It’s a shame they wouldn’t take that into consideration at all and it’s a shame your sister and you didn’t protest more.


NTA at all. Vacations are supposed to be relaxing and enriching. If you are going to be worried about your school work throughout, then it defeats the purpose. It will be a very hard conversation but one that is important to have. Your parents, given the history, might try to coerce you, but you need to stand strong.

It might even help your sisters case if you go together. BUT next time you get a break, you need to make time to spend time with your parents and bond with your sister to make up for this.


I wonder if there is a way to communicate that. BECAUSE you respect them so much, you don't think it's a good idea to go on vacation. You've fallen behind on your school work because of your illness, and now it feels appropriate to sacrifice the fun to buckle down and work hard like they taught you to so you can make them proud.

For your future. Especially if they are paying for your schooling: you could frame it like you wouldn't want that investment to be wasted and really want to make the most of this opportunity (school).


YWBTA - I think you and your older sister need to have a sit down with your parents and explain the circumstances. It stinks as they're likely going to lose money - it would have been far better to confront this head on.

Also with all that you have going on - I doubt very much they'd be thrilled leaving you home alone. Does your sister the 20 yo still live at home too? Because otherwise, that's a valid concern on their part.

You just had a messy breakup and have a chronic illness they're going to have concerns about leaving you home alone I would think. If that doesn't work - talk to your school with your parents about postponing the dates for getting your work in due to your parents planning a vacation (no wifi to aid in continuing work load).

Disability due to chronic illness is no joke and accommodations can be made. Speaking as a Spoonie I can tell you I had to do that in college once or twice and it was not the end of the world.

What would your advice be to this worried daughter?

Sources: Reddit
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