Navigating relationships with in-laws can be wonderful or they can be hellish, depending on the dynamic.
If you're lucky, you marry into a family full of people who truly feel like home, effectively expanding your circle of loved ones. But if you're unlucky, you marry into tension, petty dynamics, or straight-up hostility. Of course, many dynamics live somewhere in the middle.
AITA for calling my MIL out for excluding only me on the family girls' trip?
So, I get along with my MIL most of the time but sometimes me and her clash. The only relevant time we've had issues was a few years ago when we were on a family vacation and we got into a massive fight. The long and short of it was I ended up missing an 'important' family dinner at the restaurant my MIL and FIL met at.
Usually, when I'm on vacation I don't like to schedule stuff out, and just explore and have fun. So I got distracted and missed dinner. Last week, I learned that my MIl and all my SILs are going on a trip to California this summer. Apparently, they planned this since last year and I was specifically left out of all the planning.
My SIL said that the reason my MIL choose not to invite me was because of the fight we had about that dinner years ago. I'm the kind of person who likes to deal with things head-on, no petty bullsh*t so I called my MIL up last night. She at first said it was not personal.
That she wanted to plan a bunch of activities over the week in Cali and knew I was not the one for long-planned itineraries. I said that was crap because I could come and still hang out with them at the beach and hotel while going to the planned stuff I choose. She then said she was not going to pay for a flight and hotel for me just for me to 'choose to stand up to everyone.'
Things got heated really quickly and she ended up telling me that she swore to herself never to pay for another of my trips after running her anniversary trip like I did just because I'm selfish and can't bother to do things other people want to do. This was complete bulls**t and I called her out on it. We ended up fighting and I hung up.
I texted all my SILs telling them I'm completely disgusted they all would leave me out of this just because MIL has a petty grudge against me and cannot stop being a control freak for 5 seconds. Today I woke up to text after text telling me to grow up and that she was not the only one who didn't want me there.
My husband supports me 100%, but apparently, he got chewed out by MIL today and he said now he's staying out of it. So now I'm starting to wonder if calling her out like this was too far and that I should have been the bigger person, IDK though.
'I said that was crap because I could come and still hang out with them at the beach and hotel while going to the planned stuff I choose.'
'She then said she was not going to pay for a flight and hotel for me just for me to 'choose to stand up to everyone.'
So she's paying for the trip, so that everyone can spend time together and do activities together, and your position is that you'll pick and choose the activities that you're interested in. YTA. She doesn't owe you a free trip.
Wait, let me get this straight. You were invited to an anniversary dinner for your in-laws and stood them up. Did your husband attend and you didn't because you were exploring? On a trip, I'm assuming your in-laws paid for? And you wonder why your MIL does not want to take you on another trip? YTA.
YTA. You behaved poorly on a past trip (standing up plans, and instead of apologizing, doubling down and starting a fight). What's more, if she was excluding you for a totally ridiculous reason (which hers is not) you would STILL be TA. She is allowed to choose who she invites on a trip, especially if she is paying.
The world does not owe you a cookie, or a free trip to California. You do not get to set t the guest list to other people's activities. In fact, I should mention that I went to California earlier this year, and I didn't invite you either. Sorry, not sorry.
YTA at every point in this story. Your husband should be standing up to you. He should be calling you out for your poor behavior. You are aggressively mistreating his family. Obviously, he can't have a frank discussion about these issues because you will fly off the handle. I feel sorry for him.
Your in-laws paid for you to attend their anniversary trip. You didn't just go off and do your own thing, you completely skipped their anniversary dinner. Instead of being apologetic for your obviously selfish indiscretions, you confronted your mother in law causing a huge fight on her anniversary.
They were right to exclude you from future trips. You're selfish, combative, and incapable of admitting fault. You proved her decision was valid by getting confrontational when you weren't invited on the trip to California.
You caused another fight with your husband's mother and then proceeded to start sh@t with your sisters-in-law. You are extremely entitled and immature. Actions have consequences.
YTA. They're going on holiday together and you make it quite obvious in your post that you have no intention of doing the things they want to do. Why would you MIL want to pay for you to have a holiday on your own?
Also, the dinner you missed may not have been important to you, but it was important to your MIL and she's naturally going to feel disrespected when you missed it and seem not to be sorry either.
OP is clearly TA and deeply lacking in self-awareness.