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'My mom is falling in love with the female spinning teacher, should I say something?' UPDATED 2X

'My mom is falling in love with the female spinning teacher, should I say something?' UPDATED 2X

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Coming out as queer when you've lived your adult life "as straight" can be really scary, especially if you've internalized some of the homophobia of mainstream culture.

In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a teen shared his experience witnessing his mom fall for a woman. He wrote:

"(M19) My mom (F38) is falling in love with the spinning teacher (F34)."

For some context: My dad passed away when I was young in a car accident; I was four. So, she tried hard to make sure we had a good life. My mother worked in various places, until she got a well-paying job; which is the one she currently works at. We both grew up in a somewhat conservative area where homosexuality...not that it wasn't frowned upon.

There were LGBT people and they were completely accepted. But there were families who didn't like the idea of homosexuality too much. My mother grew up with that mentality, she didn't hate the LGBT idea, but she certainly disliked gay couples a bit. One time, we saw a gay couple in a mall and she said something like "they shouldn't do that in public, much less kiss."

During my childhood and adolescence she had several boyfriends; Her longest relationship lasted almost five years (I really like that guy because we used to play Monopoly and various video games. Luckily we still talk because he is one of my mother's best friends), but they both decided to take different paths and had to separate. A year ago, I started going to a gym near my house.

She began to notice my physical changes, so several months ago she started going to the gym; after thinking about it a lot. After months she lost a lot of weight, and improved physically. I noticed several guys from the gym looking at her. Something that makes me laugh is when she shows off her six pack to me. And how now she says she doesn't need me to open the jars of jam or pickles anymore.

In September, she signed up for the spinning class with other ladies. At first she only went in the mornings, but after four weeks, she also went in the evenings. My mom told me that she had become friends with Jennifer (the spinning teacher (not her real name)). Some weekends she let me know that she was going out to eat or run with Jennifer.

This is how their friendship continued, there were times when my mother spoke with Jennifer on the phone or on WhatsApp. I began to suspect my mother's feelings towards Jennifer, when one day they went out for a run but it started to rain. I heard from the noises that they came running and stood next to the roof on one side of the entrance.

I looked out my window and saw them both outside the house...Jennifer and my mother were laughing and I saw my mother's face completely red and nervous, like when she was with her boyfriend from before. Jennifer's face was the same as my mother's. Then they gradually stopped their conversation and looked at each other. I saw my mother look Jennifer in the eyes and then shift to other parts.

They both started to get closer, and for a moment I thought they were going to kiss, but they both stopped. At all that time I was sitting in my room looking out the window (through my window you can clearly see the entrance to my house and the garden).Then my mom and Jennifer came home. I greeted them both. Jennifer and my mom looked a little uncomfortable and then Jennifer left.

I asked my mom if something had happened, because her face was red. She flatly denied it and asked me not to talk about it anymore. More things happened. My mom and Jennifer's outings increased and tended to last longer. And the times my mother couldn't see Jennifer she got a little sad. But something happened at the end of November. A person we know left his girlfriend for another guy.

As soon as we found out, my mother talked about it "privately." Declaring how that was possible. What example was that for the children? That she would never have a relationship like that. And basically, saying bad things about LGBTQ people. Hearing her say this made me a little sad for her situation. Because, clearly my mother had feelings for Jennifer but she didn't seem to want to accept it.

Four days ago I went out with friends to watch a movie (my mom was going to be home because it was her day off), I told her that I would be arriving nearby in the evening. But...things happened and I had to return home early. When we arrived, my mother's car was not there. So I just went to my room and played some video games. Shortly after I saw her arrive with Jennifer.

I heard some strange sounds, took off my headphones, and walked down the stairs carefully. And...I saw my mom and Jennifer hugging each other; I saw that my mom was sobbing. They both moved away and then my mom kissed Jennifer and she did the same. I returned to my room being very careful not to make any noise. 5 minutes passed, and I heard them leaving.

They both kissed again and got into the car together. And in case you were wondering, I had all the lights in my room off, the only thing that was on was my computer. About an hour passed and they both returned with Walmart bags of paper, gift bags, and toys. (My mother always gives toys to my nephews or the children of her friends. And yes, they were for them).

My mother and Jennifer greeted me. And between the three of us, we wrapped the toys with the paper and kept others in the bags. When Jennifer left I asked my mom (not directly) if something was going on between them. My mother got nervous and denied it completely. For now my mom has not seen Jennifer, because she went to spend the holidays with her family like us.

At the moment I can't feel happier for my mother, it seems like she already admitted what she feels but she hasn't told anyone. I'm going to try to tell her that I know by showing her all my support and love and that I don't care if she's actually gay. The only thing that matters to me is seeing her happy.

One commenter had really good advice for OP.

NotTrynaMakeWaves wrote:

Don’t go as far as ‘I don’t care if you’re gay’ because it’s not your place to force her out. Something small and simple like “I’m glad that you’re friends with Jennifer, she makes you happy and it’s nice to see. We should have her over for dinner sometime.”

OP responded:

Hey. That's a great idea I will definitely do it after the new year. And...yeah, I was thinking about it and I'm not going to force her to admit if she's gay/bisexual. That's definitely not my place, I guess she'll do it herself when she feels it more comfortable about it.

A few weeks later, OP jumped on with a major update.

Little update. (M19) My "straight mom" (F38) fell in love for the spinning teacher (F34).

I posted this in another sub a while ago, but it was deleted, but in the other post I wrote a few details and a small update that I'm going to add here:

Short summary of the previous post: My straight mother joined the gym near my house, improved a lot physically, and then joined the spinning classes. She met Jennifer (the spinning teacher), they became good friends to the point of going for a run and then having breakfast.

But their relationship grew and one morning they almost kissed outside the house. Before Christmas, my mom came home with Jennifer, my mom started crying and then she and Jennifer kissed. Lastly, she was looking for a way to show my support to my mom.

Some things about my mother:

She grew up in a fairly conservative area, and she maintained that mentality. And to that add that she is a little religious. We moved when I was very young, to a much more liberal area, where seeing LGBT people was more common.

I remember that she didn't like same-sex relationships at all; but mainly those of two women. When I was in high school, I had a friend who was bi, she had several boyfriends, but then she had a girlfriend. When my friend visited me, my mother seemed uncomfortable; She never said anything offensive to her, but, without a doubt, she could see his discomfort.

Well. Now after my previous post, I asked my mom if she had some kind of relationship with Jennifer, she replied a little annoyed: "No, why do you think that? Don't go telling anyone that you think that." I didn't comment anything anymore, and only hinted that it was a joke. And ironically something happened at the New Year's party, which was attended by my mother's friends and family.

After a few beers, all kinds of conversations arose: religion, politics, recent events in the country, music and at some point, relationships. Everyone was in the patio, I was on the other side of a glass door with shutters, but you could hear everything they were saying.

One of the friends talked about his family, and I don't know what else...but then, my mother responded to a question "I would never have a relationship with another woman, I don't really like those relationships, I can imagine how difficult they must be." One of her friends said "sure?" to which everyone laughed. Four days ago, my mother and I returned home.

As I expected, my mother called Jennifer directly, I don't know what they talked about, but my mother looked clearly happy. Later she told me that she spoke with her. I mentioned the idea of her inviting Jennifer to dinner, to which my mother agreed with her doubts. So...Jennifer will most likely come to my house for dinner tomorrow, or in 2 days.

I guess my mother still doesn't feel ready to admit that she has a girlfriend or that she likes women. For the times she has flatly denied it. The idea I have is to improve relations with Jennifer little by little, until my mother feels more comfortable talking about the subject. And talk little by little about how I support these types of relationships; not so obvious winks about her.

Or I could wait a while, but I just want her to feel comfortable and be happy. Is this way of supporting her okay? Or do you know another way I can support her?

Commenters were quick to jump on and give OP their advice.

MadTownMich wrote:

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Your mom sounds like she may be struggling to accept her feelings. Even if it ends up just being a strong friendship, her knowing you support it will be helpful.

OP wrote:

The truth is, after what has happened, it is very clear that it is much more than a friendship. And...it certainly seems like her very conflicted about accepting her feelings.

Jazzy404404 wrote:

And "then they were roommates". I hope your mom comes out and lives her life truly how she wants.

OP responded:

Yes, I hope so too.

A week later, OP jumped on with another update.

(Last Update) (M19) My "straight mom" (F38) fell in love for the spinning teacher (F34). (Reminder, English is not my first language and sometimes I tend to confuse some words. I am sorry for any grammatical errors). To start...it was a pretty interesting week.

Those of you who read the previous post will remember that Jennifer would come to my house for dinner. Well...dinner was great! I got to know Jennifer better. She already knew her a little because she was already a trainer at the gym before being the spinning teacher. One day after my previous post, I helped my mother make dinner: ribs, pasta and a salad. Jennifer arrived very radiant.

Honestly, I was amazed, I was used to seeing her in gym clothes, which is a top and sports shorts. She came home wearing a floral dress, loose, wavy hair, and a cool pair of sneakers. While my mother also put on a dress, put her hair up and basically casual clothes. While I... was only wearing a black t-shirt and brown boots. I felt a little bad for dressing too casually.

We talk about everything...or almost everything. We talked about anecdotes, food, hobbies, Jennifer gave me some nutrition tips. And it turns out that she and I have similar tastes: series, movies, video games. There was a time when we talked about a movie and book saga (HP), it was just great. I looked at my mother and she looked completely happy.

After dinner, we continued talking for a while. I asked Jennifer if she was dating anyone. (Sorry, knowing the situation maybe it wasn't the best). She smiled and said yes. I didn't ask any more after my mother told me "OP, don't ask her that" And Jennifer said: "no, don't worry, it's okay, he's just curious. I'm dating someone and I really like that person." I turned to look at my mother.

She smiled as she saw us both I apologized and went to the kitchen with all the dirty plates and glasses, I heard them continue talking. I looked carefully and saw that they were holding hands, they let go when they heard I was approaching. We said goodbye to Jennifer and I told my mom that she was nice.

The following days it was the same routine, in the mornings my mother and I go to the gym, then I go to university and she goes to work. I return in the afternoon and my mother returns at night after going to her spinning class. During these days I hardly mentioned anything about "that very important matter," except for one day when I made a comment about hanging out with Jennifer more.

My mother agreed with that idea. On Saturday we went to a plaza to make some payments, and to buy several things. We stopped by Jennifer and it was all fun. Then Jennifer made a comment when we were carrying some things "OP, don't you want some ice cream? Because I do want one." We went to get some ice cream and sat in some chairs.

It was a pretty nice moment. I noticed that at various times my mother and Jennifer would get closer and at the same time try to keep their distance. Yesterday my mother went out for a while around noon. I bought a box of cake mix and several colorants. I made a rainbow cake so it would be ready when she returned.

When my mother returned she was surprised with the cake, she broke it and asked why it was a rainbow. Then I confessed to her that I already knew about her relationship with Jennifer. I told her about the time he almost kissed her outside the house when it was raining, and about the time she kissed Jennifer days before Christmas.

I told her how happy I was for her and Jennifer, that her relationship didn't bother me at all. My mother started crying, hugged me and started telling me that she was afraid to tell me. She then told me not to tell anyone in the family, because maybe they wouldn't see it very well; but what she will tell them at her time. We sat next to the table to eat the cake.

My mother said that she didn't know if she was actually gay and that maybe that was the explanation why her other relationships didn't quite work out. Then she let it all out of her: he started dating Jennifer shortly after starting spinning classes, at first they were friends with her, but little by little he fell in love with her.

They both confessed one day when they went to breakfast, and since then they began dating as "mom's words" girlfriends. Turns out they started dating long before Christmas. My mother was afraid that I would find out about her relationship and she was afraid that I would not support her (that's what I saw before Christmas).

Well...that's the situation. My mom came out as gay/lesbian shortly after. And she has a girlfriend. She later called Jennifer to tell her what happened and come home for dinner. I am very happy for her and for admitting who she is; she is clearly happy with Jennifer. Nothing could be better. And well, I guess that's it. I don't think there are any more updates. Thank you for joining me in this situation.

The internet was super on board with this update.

mooniethedumb*ss wrote:

This story is so wholesome, I'm so happy for your mom!! you're such a great son :>

OP responded:

Thank you, I'm not the perfect son, but I try to be for her.

IRefuseToGiveAName wrote:

10/10 fantastic story and I'm so happy for everyone involved.

You're a very loving son! May they continue to be very happy together.

OP responded:

Thank you!! I'll try to stay that way.

SilverGirl- wrote:

Good for your mom! She seems really happy.

OP responded:

Yeah! She's been pretty happy.

poppymcculturestein wrote:

I wish I could upvote more than once. When you made your mother the rainbow cake it made me so happy.

OP responded:

I heard about someone who made rainbow pancakes, I wanted to do it my way.

Sources: Reddit
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