Older brother tells young bro the truth about dad; 'I begged my mom to not tell him.'

People change. And parents are people, too.

So what do you do when your parent was a different person when you were a kid, but now they're almost like someone else? A man reached out to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for telling my brother why I don't talk with our father?'

broanddad writes:

I (32M) have a not good relationship with my dad (59M) the reason being the pressure he put me on. If I had anything less than a 90/100 he would be disapointed at me and tell me I was a failure and I would never be anyone in life.

I still remember he and my mom (59F) fighting, she always defended me saying I was doing my best, but he would always scream that my best wasn't enough.

When I was 12 I got 83/100 in a math test and I freaked out. I remember coming home crying. Thankfully my dad was at work and I begged my mom to not tell him. I guess seeing a 12 year old boy freaking out for a grade that even the teacher thought was great was enough and my mom divorced my dad.

I belive that was the moment he understood he screwed up and tried to apologize. My mom always wanted me to have a good relationship with my dad and I would stay with him one weekend a month.

At 16, he had my brother with my stepmom and I had to see the same man who call me a failure be the best dad to my brother. At 18, I cut my dad and his family off with the exception of my grandparents and my uncle.

1 year ago my grandfather passed away, and at his funeral I saw my dad and his family. My dad briefly looked at me and then turned his head down in shame.

My uncle came up to me, he said he understood if i did not want to talk to my dad but asker if i would talk with my brother. I said yes and I met with him outside. We had a great conversation, and in the last year he has met my wife and children and we have a good relationship.

A few days ago, my brother asked why I don't talk to our dad. I told him what i wrote here and more. In the end, I told him our dad wasn't good to me but that did not mean he should stop talking to him.

Yesterday, my uncle called me and said my brother and my father fought because of what I shared with my brother. AITA (Am I the A-hole)?

Who do you think is in the wrong here?

Reddit ruled a compassionate NTA (not the a-hole).

jacksonlove3 says:

Absolutely positively NTA. Your brother ask and you answered honestly. What happens from there is not your responsibility and whatever shit your brother gave you dad about it, your dad deserved! It not even your Uncle’s place be in the middle of!

I’m glad to see you and your brother seem to have a decent/good relationship. Childhood trauma is hard to leave behind, especially without any time of professional therapy. You don’t owe your dad anything though.

herpderpthaother writes:

Childhood trauma is VERY hard to move past because it happens in our formative years. I know this from personal experience. You weren't trying to cause problems, just explain why you do what you do. I had the same kind of talk with my brothers about 20 years ago. NTA.

Dimension597 agrees:

That’s the worst bit isn’t it? That your real memories and experiences are seen as ‘dredging up the past’ and ‘causing drama’ - as if survivors can simply make everyone else comfortable if we’d stop talking about how much pain we’re still in years later. NTA clearly.

So, there you have it!

OP didn't do anything wrong here, but that uncle seems to be a little too involved?