'ITA for telling my parents they can't use my money to spoil my siblings?'
"AITA for telling my parents they are not getting money off me so they can spoil my siblings the way they never wanted to spoil me?"
Acceptable_Bird_8624
My parents had me at 27 and 29 respectively. I was their only child for 14 years and in all the years I was living with them, they never believed in nice things or treating me for any reason.
They had the money. My mom was often buying more makeup and shoes and my dad was into golf so their money went on their hobbies and I had basics for everything. Anything I wanted I was told no. Christmas and Birthdays were for practical gifts.
School supplies they bought without me because it was basically plain everything and they didn't want me complaining about wanting a character backpack or a pink pencil or something.
I always remember it was really hot one summer and I was 8 years old maybe. An ice cream truck stopped in our neighborhood and all the kids were getting ice creams so I approached my parents who were talking to some neighbors and I asked if I could have the money for one too.
They said no, because ice cream was not an essential and I could go inside and get some water if I wanted to cool down. A neighbor offered to pay for my ice cream and my parents put a stop to that as well.
I went inside for the rest of the day anyway because I was upset and jealous watching all the other kids eat their ice creams and knowing my parents wouldn't even let someone else buy me one.
They started to change after I moved out of home. I noticed when an invite came for my little sister's 5th birthday party and it was a huge surprise because I never got a birthday party.
In the 3 years since they have thrown birthday parties, gone all out for Christmas, they took them on vacation, which I never went on but my parents did.
Then several months ago my parents realized I was doing well for myself with my art. They asked me to buy my siblings these big gifts for Christmas and I said no. My parents said they could only get the so much and I shrugged.
These were easily 300-400USD gifts each that my parents wanted me to buy. And of course I was to give the gifts to my parents to give to my siblings.
A few days ago then my parents asked me for money for stuff for my siblings and I said no. They said I was being very tight fisted with my money and to think of how much it would mean to my siblings.
This is when I told them they don't get money off me to spoil my siblings the way they refused to spoil me. My parents said I was being petty and that I was punishing the wrong people. AITA?
Here were the top notes and comments from readers.
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - your parents denied an 8YO girl an ice cream, and now expect her to provide expensive gifts for THEM to give to their own kids. Personally I would go LC to NC with them, unless you enjoy time spent with your younger siblings.
Encartrus
I would have said 'Gosh, being tightfisted about money, wonder where I learned that from?' NTA, your parents suck.
Pandasrthebest
NTA. Tell your parents that you learned from them to only pay for essentials. This lesson was learned very well. You will not give them anything that is absolutely not required. What is required from you? Nothing.
MaybeAWalrus
NTA. Your parent didn’t refuse to spoil you : they refuse to give you a childhood when they could have. That’s horrible.
Tyberious
NTA. Why do you still communicate with these AHs?
Wintery1
NTA. If you do get gifts for your siblings make sure they know they are from you.
Final_Figure_7150
Hold up, so when you were a kid, your parents went on trips without you? They left you behind? Christ alive. Your parents suck. It appears they might have realised they messed up with you but they don't get a redo on your dime. NTA
21stCenturyJanes
NTA and you aren't punishing your siblings by not buying them extravagant gifts. It sounds like they are doing just fine without that extra $300 Christmas present.
Separate_Kick3186
Ask your parents why did they have children when they didn't want to pay for them.
Murzicorne
NTA. You are not punishing the wrong people - your siblings did not expect the presents. And especially if the presents are supposed to be from your parents. But while I understand your feelings, it sounds like you could benefit from therapy.
It sounds like it still hurts a whole lot, and there is much more underneath. Also, I can't understand from the text if you have anger for your siblings - if you do then it's a wrong people to put that anger on.
And as the pettiness goes - I would go to my parents and say that if anything happens to them you would raise your siblings the only way you know. Not out of spite, but because you never had it any other way. Also it's cute that they realize that someone should be punished for that 'basic' childhood - did they ever apologize?
TheHufflepufflemon
NTA- I am raising an only, and come from financial privilege and am raising a kiddo in even more privilege so I can’t speak to your parents mentality BUT you’re not responsible for supplementing their choices.
Things may be different in their lives in ways you couldn’t see that affect how you were treated v. your siblings, but that’s not your fault or responsibility.
If you love your sisters and want to buy them items they want, they should come from you and be tagged from you, and given directly to them so they know it’s from you. Be prepared for your parents to talk behind your back.
Finally-tell them your financial focus is setting yourself up for future success that allows you the life you want. You don’t have to be rude, but you can gently make the point that both basics and little luxuries are in your plans.
Glittering-Skin4118
It’s wild to me that no matter what some parents do they still expect their kids to worship them resentment is a real thing.
Zayzlvalentine
NTA, if they suddenly now can decide to be proper parents after you've gone and flown the coop they can foot the bill with all the money they didn't spend on you. I'd go NC after that, your money belongs to you and it's your decision how to use said money. Congrats on your art taking off!