I (30 female) am married to my husband Joey (34). We both have daughters from previous relationships. My daughters name is Hailey (10) and his daughters name is Jenna (11).
Both of our daughters are cheerleaders for different teams. We recently just had their competition where the winners of first and second place go to compete in Disney. I have been saving all year since Hailey's team is really competitive. Joey didn’t save for it because Jenna is on a smaller town team that’s not very competitive.
Hailey's team unfortunately did not win their competition this year. Jenna’s team did win theirs. Hailey, my husband, and I were all proud of her and congratulated her.
Later that night my husband asked me about finances for the Florida trip. We have always kept finances for the girls separate as I pay for Hailey and he pays for Jenna.
I explain that since Hailey's team didn’t win I figured her and I could go do something instead with the money I saved for Florida. Hailey doesn’t know this was my plan yet.
My husband thinks I’m being selfish and an AH because Jenna’s team did win and we should use that same money for her to go. I think Hailey could use a pick me up. I know people might ask about Jenna’s mother and she is not able to help financially for Jenna to go. We have already spoken to her.
Also if any of the girls on the team cannot go to Florida then the team has to forfeit. The team might do some fundraising but the expense will be on the parents. AITA?
Edit to answer some questions:
We can’t make it a family trip because there’s not enough money. I had saved enough for myself and 1/2 of Hailey's trip. Hailey's father was paying the other 1/2 of her trip.
My husband doesn’t believe in loans when it comes to family.
I did see some people ask how Hailey would feel about it. Hailey knows her dad and I save this money for her every year - her dad and I go without some luxuries for a while and she sees the sacrifices we go through. I don’t ever regret it. However, I won’t ask her to use that money for her step sister because she shouldn’t have to get in the middle.
My ex thinks we should do something nice for our daughter - either a small trip, a fun outing, or new clothes or shoes, etc. - just something fun and then use the rest for the next cheer season or for her next big expenses.
Tonight my husband and I had another disagreement about the money. I did call my ex because I didn’t want Hailey to overhear any of the argument and we decided it’ll be best for her to spend the week with him. I’m going to go stay at my parents house for a couple days.
As of right now my husband has been calling and sending numerous texts calling me the AH and selfish. I’m currently ignoring it.
I think it is pretty sad that in order for your stepdaughter to attend you expect her teammates' parents to pay for her instead of - you know - her (step)parents.
OP25 points·2 hours ago OP responded:
I’m not saying her teams parents should have to pay for her. I’m saying the expenses are paid for by each child’s family.
I feel like this is a tough one. On one hand, this sounds like a simple not the asshole. You prepared - he did not. That's not your fault.
But - the way you explain it - it was 100% reasonable he did not prepare. It did not sound like either of you expected them to win and make it to Disney - so it's 100% reasonable not saving up for it.
The problem is that the husband is acting entitled, as if the money, just because it exists, should go to his daughter just because it sounds 'fair' to him. It was his wife who saved it for her daughter, he had no part whatsoever, he didn't chip in for stepdaughter's eventual trip, nothing, nada.
While I can see both sides as well, I disagree with N A H. The fact remains that the dad CHOSE not to save based on an ASSUMPTION that Jenna's team wouldn't win, which again isn't OP's fault but it was dad's responsibility.