People who were raised in cults share what it was like and how they got out.

The nature of cults is that they are insular and discourage contact with the outside world. So while we often here about cults in the news, on podcasts, and in The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, rarely do we get to hear from the people inside. Unless they have managed to get out.Someone asked Reddit: "people who have been born into families who are part of a cult, what's your story?" These 17 former cult-members or friends and family of cult members shared what it was like and how they got out.Trigger warning: contains references to abuse and sexual assault. 1.) From ComeAbout: My parents were Scientologist with my dad being a pretty high ranking guy (He “ran” two major cities in the late 80s). They left when I was still young but they used to harass our family a lot when I was growing up. Made me very distrustful of organized religion in general. Edit: My mom is now a super atheist and my dad, even though he left 30 years ago, still believes in a lot of the tenants tenets, especially the reincarnation part/thetans. He’s just not active and doesn’t press it on me (or anyone else) in any way. 2.) From JiBBy23: On the serious, I'll share my story even though it wasn't me or my family directly, but looks like the serious responses are pretty thin in this thread so far. My closest friend in college (we'll call him C) moved to Cali after he graduated. We kinda lost touch after a year or so. A bit later on, I got a call from his mother out of the blue one day. She must have had to dig just to get my cell number, but she starts off and asks me if I've talked to C lately. I tell her no, it's almost been a year since I last chatted w/ him. She then goes on to tell me to please reach out to her if I'm able to get in touch w/ him in any way. He apparently got involved with some cult, sold all of his belongings, and disappeared without any contact with his previous life. They have a private detective in Cali right now searching for him. I don't hear from either of them again for a year after that. Time goes by, and wuddaya know, I get a call from C one day. He moved to a new city coincidentally a few hours from the new city I had moved to. He's weird on the phone though. Super outgoing energetic dude sounds like a zombie the 1st time I talk to him. I invite him to my city to spend a weekend to catch up. He actually drives down, and stays for a 3 day weekend and I don't recognize this dude at all. He seemed like equal parts zombie, depressed, anxious, relieved, all at the same time. It was an awkward weekend, the cult thing didnt get broached once. I was never 100% sold on the "C joined a cult story" but without a single person hearing from him, it wasn't the worst possible scenario of all things I guess. Having him sit in front of me that weekend, it firmed that theory up. So I didn't bring it up that weekend, never have actually. Just tried to make him feel at home, and throw some nostalgia his way ya know. It's been about a decade now, he's married & a dad now. He wrote a novel, kinda sci-fi fiction. It's about a dude who gets caught up in a cult. Then he transcends reality and time and it kinda goes from there... Anyway, I ain't trying to write a book here, but thought I'd share just the short version of one of the crazier stories I've ever lived thru. Can answer any Q's if anyone's interested. 3.) From Spicyfrijoles: My ex step dad had a church in our backyard and he turned one of our bedrooms into a prayer room. 4 days a week a group of about 40 would come to the house. They would burn incense through the house, make me "read" candles and say things like I see angels and I see the virgin marys hands. 4 people would sit in chairs, wearing white robes and they would embody certain individuals. My mom would be the virgin mary for example and speak in a monotone voice, "how can I help you my child?" It lasted about 5 years and then my mom became normal and she tries to forget that part of her life. She was very weak and vulnerable after divorcing my dad and my ex step dad was a manipulator. He left her for a younger woman and started another new family and moved his church somewhere else 4.) From introvertedbassist: I was born into Scientology. We would go to church often and while I was technically never forced to do courses everyone, family and staff are very pushy on you to attend and do services. Our family disconnected from others when they got SP declares so I would lose friends randomly throughout childhood. Most of it is reading books written by Hubbard and attending events where people beg/demand money to save the world from psychiatry. They really push on people that the world is evil and falling apart but thankfully you’re a Scientologist and this group is going to save the world. I stopped believing when I realized how much Scientology operates like a business. “Free stress test!” On every fucking window. Can you imagine if Catholic Churches had gaudy banners advertising “Free confessionals!” Today? The other event is called the Golden Age Of Knowledge. Every test and bridge level was rebranded and re-edited and they had members purchase shit they already owned. So for years no one was getting Scientology. Instead of apologizing, giving refunds, or issuing credit staff say “Isn’t this great?!” They’ve stolen tens of thousands of dollars from people and there isn’t a goddamn shred of remorse. They just want more money. I got extremely lucky and had wonderfully friends that helped me get out. I couldn’t have done it without it them. 5.) From dev315: A distant family member of mine headed a "new age" cult that I got roped into when I left home and went to college closeby. It started out as a group of friends of theirs that I became close to, cause they were the only family around, but then things escalated quickly. It went from love bombing, which I really needed because my family had gone through a terrible divorce and family was never the same after that, to soon after becoming my one and only family. The cults beliefs were that the love and the connections that we all had with one another were the hope for the future. And the family member who formed this cult was the original creator of everything, and then was supposed to turn everything over to us, the "group" whose love could take things over. Of course, the group always failed and we were always in trouble, and in order to become right we would have to give away our money and time to very hard, manual labor until we were exhausted. We were so exhausted that anything you told us we would believe. Well, after a death in my immediate family I stopped showing to the events and meetings of the cult that I normally would, I was given a break. During that break I reflected and realized I needed to get out. I lived on site with that family member so it wasn't easy and I was in limbo for a while... still doing manual labor but not fully committed like I was before. I was working, and I met my current partner who eventually realized what was going on and helped me out. We moved in together and I have since cut 100% of my ties, without ever giving any reason. I feel a lot of it was dealing with extreme narcissism from the leader, so that is really the best way to get out of that situation. To leave unannounced and abruptly. 6.) From Flamingwingsoftime: I know I'm late, and I don't know how much you want to know, but my grandparent was the leader of a smallish cult. It was very religious based and the main focus was pedophilia and slavery. My name growing up was Slave 2, and my role was to do all the chores on the farm, all the housework and to please my master. I got out, my body has some pretty horrible scars and I'm okay to talk about my past, though I've lost a lot of friends due to over sharing. I'm happy to answer most questions. 7.) From Ske7ch234: My Moms parents joined a church when the moved to Columbus Ohio like 50 years ago not knowing they were a cult. By the time they realized it, it was too late and they condemned the entire family to this fate. They were too afraid to leave because all their friends were apart of this cult now. As a result, my mom and her siblings were raised in this cult which my mom still won't tell me all the details. My Mom was adopted and never "swore in". The moment she turned 18 she joined the Army and hit the road. Her siblings however are still involved (hitting 50+ years now) and they raised their children in the cult as well. My Mom was excommunicated, and thus i was never exposed to the abuse and horrors of the cult. My cousin, a wonderful human being, thought that my mom and her family (me included) were terrible human beings because we were excommunicated. After my cousin had been excommunicated she reached out (now we are very close, largely because neither of us have any extended family due to this cult) and surprise! She learned that we're actually pretty great! she shared with me some of her horrors while in the cult. Here's a few: She was sexually assaulted by her brother for years. When her other brother found out he broke the first brothers leg while he was in the act. The parents only grounded him for a month and told my cousin that she is impure now and can no longer wear white at her wedding and treated her as if the assault was her fault. The pastor threatened her life if she seeked external help for the assault The cult demanded that you attend 4 times a week (classic cult behavior, i wrote a paper on cults for a college course. This is so they can keep tabs on you to keep you in line) The cult demanded payment as "donation" but was essentially a subscription, otherwise you were excommunicated. We're talking hundreds of dollars a month. Her family (father, and siblings) will not talk to her. Her mother sometimes reaches out to say sorry and provide bullshit excuses to make herself seem like the good guy. 8.) From Hazie144: My ex was raised in a cult by his mum. They convinced him he was a warrior of god, he could fight Demons... All this kind of stuff. One of my first interactions with him was his blessing of a ring I wore regularly so I could keep Demons at bay, and us discussing making armored clothing. It was his whole life til he was 16, and he left when he moved home; he still hasn't recovered fully a decade later. I don't know if that's changed in the last 3 months, but I hope he gets past this "I must be a warrior" thing soon; it was tearing him apart, mentally and physically. 9.) From uberdonkey9: It’s not a super extreme cult or anything, but I was part of a group called “The People of Praise” until I was 12 (my parents are technically still part of it, but when I turned 18 I was no longer bound by the Covenant). I met some nice people through it but the structure and beliefs are pretty messed up. Basically, the father is the “head” of each family and is in charge of the wife and children, and then a higher up “head” is assigned to “advise” each family. We had to go to a 2 hour long meeting every Sunday (after our regular catholic mass) and they were really big on speaking in tongues and laying on of hands (got groped by several older male members as a kid). My brother and I were also babysat by a man who later got arrested for possessing hella child pornography and my dad +grandparents defended him- awesome 😎 (/s)! They also encouraged us to recruit our non-member friends and cut them off if they weren’t interested. There were also a lot of arranged “courtships” between young couples. I didn’t really think about it until recently, but now that I think back, it explains why I feel so distrustful of organized religion and also why I hate being touched. Yikes :)) 10.) From EvilGingerSanta: I was born into a pretty big cult. Been out for 4 years but the damage never really goes away. It leaves you without a family, without any ability to make or maintain friendships, and with an almost paralysing distrust of anyone and anything religious. I would argue that the last one isn't entirely undeserved but it's gotten in the way of a few conversations before. Got years of counselling and therapy ahead of me to unpick the mess they made of me. 11.) From cuntfessions: My grandparents basically run a cult. I grew up in isolation and didn't get out until I was 18. It took some time understanding how to "fit in" with normal people. Losing the "foundation" I was raised on was really hard and made me very unstable during my late teens early 20's. We were raised to do nothing but work (physical labor), which has actually come in very handy. I'm still a major loner, which is difficult because I think I'm slightly more extroverted than introverted, but I just have a hard time trusting and opening up to people. I have scars that make people uncomfortable. Navigating my family's weird demands and emotional abuse made me quite aware, so I've adapted quickly. Also, knowing all the psychological tricks that they used on us and others has made me really good at persuasion and marketing. I'm weary of being manipulative though, so I try to be as straight forward as possible bc it makes me feel gross. I'm basically 25 now and have a degree and a job and a spouse. Despite the fact that family left the cult, we still aren't close and I don't think we ever will be. Too much at stake. What if one them goes back, etc... I was surprised at the ease of which they let us leave. My grandparents have about 20 other followers. All related to each other, but none related to my grandparents. There's a lot of obvious incest going on. The third generation is quite.... Unfortunate. 12.) From chickennugtits: My ex-boyfriend and his sister were born into a cult. His father was (and still kinda is?) a biblical literal-ist, and his mother just complied religiously... pun intended. So basically biblical literalism speaks for itself, but to clarify, it's an interpretation of the Bible where one takes every single thing literally, even when it's supposed to be figurative or whatever. That's what got his father into their mess, and the mother didn't have the guts/brains to speak up. Instead, she let her husband raise their children under the cult. Didn't really have a choice, no, but I do not pity her. Their cult wasn't "insane" or "interesting" like how you see other cults in movies or magazines. Don't get me wrong, it was fucked up in its own way, but it wasn't the type of cult where they do horrendous, despicable acts with children or anything. This cult's whole foundation was built on control. Just like you'd see some Christians preach about literalism and strictness, that's what they did. You could only wear certain fabrics, colors, styles. Everything they ate was in accordance to biblical law, like, no eating animals with hooves? So no hot dogs or some shit haha. You couldn't listen to music (except for hymns at church), so when I tell you that I was constantly putting my ex on to music I grew up with... it was just crazy to me, but understandable all the same. At one point we were listening to Bohemian Rhapsody and he looked me in the eyes and said, "This song is actually really good, who sings this again?" Anyways, there was a plethora of rules to obey and commands to follow. Boys were to play with boys, girls were to play with girls. No child was to be outside later than 4:00 P.M. You had to write your prayers down in a prayer journal that was reviewed by elders, or overseers I think he called them? And education was basically this big, unofficial homeschool group, the rules were just as lame there. Kids were not to speak unless spoken to, lots of physical consequences, blah blah blah. I don't know much about how it works throughout the teenage years because his parents divorced and were kicked out of the cult, or they managed to leave before they got a divorce? I don't remember. I want to say the latter because then I'd be more keen on knowing what happens when you're thrown out. Regardless, it was his father who came to his senses about the cult, but with that he basically disowned his kids and gave them to his mom. This was taken place in PA, so his mom stayed there, and his father moved to FL and now has a bimbo wife and stepson. His father re-entered his kids lives before they both graduated high-school. They have neither forgiven nor forgotten. My ex definitely has PTSD from it all. He only shared the basics, along with a few things that messed him up... but I'm sure there's loads he hasn't processed or shared with me. He gets nightmares and flashbacks, and it's actually really difficult to witness. 13.) From Zalikiya: Ex-Mormon here, in case that counts. Let's see if I can condense 2 decades of bullshit. I was raised from birth to be a mom. That was my Divine role and the teachings were structured around that message: your job is to birth children. It's the greatest thing you can ever do. Every decision must revolve around making that work. Even if you're broke college students, you must not delay a family for anything. You're raised to believe that getting baptized at 8 is your choice, but it's never actually presented that way. The lessons are always phrased like, "When you're baptized, this will happen." You're also explicitly taught that you can't get into the "good" heaven unless you get baptized and marry in the temple. From 18 months on you are taught lessons of obedience, one of which is tithing. 10% of any income for that $124 billion church (and that's just with assets that can be found). 4 year olds are expected to tithe birthday money from Grandma. Tithing is supposed to be paid before feeding your kids or paying rent, and if you do, some miracle is supposed to happen to get those monetary needs met. Temple rituals involve weird clothes and are largely copied off free masonry. Only temple recommend holders (AKA tithe payers) can enter the temple, so unworthy family members are regularly excluded from weddings. 12 year olds get dunked in a water tank for dead people. These rituals have also been recently changed to remove references to killing yourself and naked touching. Speaking of changes, the "Most correct book" the Book of Mormon has had roughly 100,000 edits, including a passage that says wicked people are cursed with dark skin. God apparently restored his church on the Earth and then changed it. Repeatedly. The verbage in lessons involves an us vs them mentality. Non-members, anti-Mormon literature, etc. You are taught so repeatedly that the world is out to get you and that you cannot look at those sources of information that it creates a persecution complex. Any time anyone mentions anything negative about the church, the walls go up and that naysayer is treated like they're making a personal, ugly attack on everything that member ever is. If you try to leave you are expected to meet with leadership and possibly also missionaries several times to try and get you to change your mind. At church you are taught that people only leave because someone offended them, because you want to sin without the guilt, because you didn't feel welcome, etc. None of that talk is about discovering Ole Joe was a career con man. These meetings are framed around that mentality and you have to go through several of them. If you want to avoid all that, you need a notarized letter explicitly stating you want to leave. A. Notarized. Letter. To. Stop. Attending. Church. If you try to ghost them and stop going, they send your ministering sisters or brothers to come check on you. As a member you are assigned someone to go with you and visit people (aka check up on them) to see how they are doing and if their needs are met. When you try to leave, these people are usually deployed to bug you and get you to come back. When parents find out about your lack of faith they try guilting you back as well, but more from the approach of, "How could you do this to me?" If your relationship with them is okay, this hits hard because the heaven aspect of the religion involves eternally-linked families and you are breaking that link. Parents are taught that they will answer personally for apostate children, so they usually try very hard to get you to come back. There's more, so much more, and some of it uglier than this, but that can be found with a Google search. Basically, this church-cult thrives on guilt and mental manipulation to keep their members submissive and financially profitable. Breaking out of that mental game is extremely hard, and when you do you are hunted down and guilted back. My personal Tl;Dr: I was groomed from birth to be a baby factory and now I'm stuck in that role with no career prospects. Thankfully my husband is woke and encourages me to be more than what I was raised for. We're still deprogramming, though 14.) From moe-hong: Not me, but my brother went on aliyah after grad school and fell in with Aish and their far-right zealots. He went from being a radically inclusive jewish NYC skater punk with friends of every race and creed to an ultra-orthodox zombie in Israel, where he lives in the settlements, with 13 kids (yes i'm serious ... the oldest one is about 20 now). he says all kinds of racist stuff about palestinians and muslims in general and is super pro-trump. it's really scary. my own family is mixed jewish/asian and there was a lot of racism toward us from his friends/neighbors the two times we visited him ... my whole family is pretty horrified, i'm glad one of our moms passed before they saw what he had become. 15.) From vivaenmiriana: I know it isnt as culty as other cults, but i grew up mormon. I had to go through a lawyer to get out. That says a lot right there. 16.) From Lossnphound: Mine was pretty relaxed as well at around 13 I was able to stop practicing with no resistance. I've notice recently (40 now) in the age of enlightenment that as their numbers in practicing members drop each year they literally have changed their narrative multiple times over the years to try and keep people believing the lies they teach. It's crazy to think how someone can create such bullshit stories all in an effort to gain control, power, and money. It's rather unsettling to think this type stuff has been used for as long as it has. Can't help but wonder were man might be without these delusions stunting are mental development. The cult i was born into in paticular has a rich history of fuckery... 17.) From secure_caramel: We had to go every Sunday into a dedicated place where adults pretended to have a sip at the blood of a very old corpse, that was truly horrifying; the place was covered with depictions of a tortured man on a cross, really glad I escaped this death cult