Pregnant wife won't tell husband baby's gender; is called 'spiteful' and 'immature.'

AITA for refusing to tell my husband the gender of our baby after he skipped going to the dr appointment with me?

My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we're excited. Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren't even valid.

He's willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always 'I'm not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?'.

Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby's gender reveal appointment but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish 'n' chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn't make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.

He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby's born and said I was wiling to die on this hill.

He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he's the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn't alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period.

He's been fuming about it and told his family and they're now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined. AITA?

Update from OP:

Hi, so, first of all, wow!!! I did not expect this to blow up. Sorry, can't answer any comments because of feeling overwhelmed...um I just wanted to mention that my husband just attempted to contact my dr to get the results. It didn't go well and we had another argument over it. He couldn't get it since his mom was the one who made the call.

Here's how people judged OP's situation:

Annii84 writes:

NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born.

ohno_spaghetti_o writes:

I would drop a friend if I found out they prioritised fish n chips over their wife and baby's doctor appointment.

Styx-n-String writes:

I think it's planned. He and his friends just conveniently have plans during every dr appointment? Not possible. Maybe a couple of times it would be a coincidence, but having it happen during every single appointment is deliberate. They're doing it on purpose.

somethingkooky writes:

This. To be clear, this is NOT a gender reveal appointment - it is a full anatomical scan in which they check every organ and limb for potential issues, and as a side note, can also often tell you which genitals baby will have.

So partner is not just skipping a ‘gender reveal’, but leaving their pregnant partner to attend a lengthy appointment on their own during which they could possibly receive concerning information about the development of their baby - if there are issues, it’s often during this scan that they are discovered. Partner is incredibly selfish, and showing their true colours. Absolutely NTA.

Emotional_Fan_7011 writes:

This right here. This is the scan where you learn if the baby has a congenital defect. He SHOULD have been there, because there could have been bad news. NTA, OP.

OP really needs to consider if she still wants to be married to this man.

sometimesblessed writes:

This. My husband didn't come to many of the ultrasounds or OB appointments due to work travel but the 20 week ultrasound he rearranged work travel to be at - and we were team green. We opted not to find out the sex of the babies. It was too important of a scan from a fetal health perspective for him to miss.

OP, your husband is MASSIVELY immature. I'm honestly concerned about the type of father he'd be.