SAHM calls cousin "washed up," says "stay away from my husband." AITA? UPDATED
Every woman should have the right to build their life as they please.
One woman was tired of her cousin judging her for not being married with children yet. She respected that her cousin was a stay-at-home mom, but she was frustrated with the comments about her wasting her life by not settling down. Things came to a head and she had finally had enough. She thought the family fight would be the end of it, but then her cousin's husband reached out to her with some very uncomfortable statements. She felt that he was being 'creepy' and now her cousin is accusing her of trying to steal her life.
AITAH for telling my cousin nobody cares if she has a husband and kids?
My cousin Amanda (29F) and I (33F) are very different. She is like the typical 'trad-wife'. Ever since she was little her life goal was to be a housewife and have a husband and kids. She is really feminine and dresses up really modestly like one of those 1950s housewives.
I am different. I have a job at a law firm. I wear both feminine and masculine clothes. I am career driven but also want a family someday. I always keep my hair short like a bob. And tbh even though she and I are different, I respect her wishes of being a house wife. That is her choice.
So, Amanda is the typical housewife who also has a tiktok where she always talks about how being a homemaker and having a husband who provides for you is a blessing. That she is not some sad ugly feminist who is enslaved in the job field.
She often says that working for your husband is so much better than working for a boss or a company. Also as women we should go back to our biological roots and be housewives and take care of the kids. All of this is something I ignore until it is a way to insult me.
She hates that I work a corporate job and have a different life. She often tries to persuade me to quit and find a husband. She brags about how much less stressful her life is and how happy she is as a homemaker. And also that I am already pushing 40 and I need to start taking things seriously instead of being a carousal rider.
First of all, what I do in my private life is none of her business. Secondly, she knows I am not someone who has sex with every living being. What hurts the most is when she says that if I was a bit more feminine like her and not masculine 2 of my ex-boyfriends wouldn't have cheated on me in the past.
Tbh I am very tall like 5'10 and I am not fat but have a little large body type. This has been going on for a long time. I brush it off every time I hear it. She always tries to scare like 'Oh you know guys don't like women who are in their 30s' 'You should dress up like a girl' 'Your clock is ticking'.
I literally blocked her social media. She also gossips a lot about me and other female members who have a career that we are just sad spinsters who got sucked into the lies of feminism.
So, last week was my grandfather's birthday and it is special because he beat cancer. All of our family was there. Including Amanda, her husband Jerry and her two kids (7M, 4M).
We were all chatting and having fun until my uncle asks about Eric (34M), my boyfriend. Before I could answer Amanda makes a joke 'Well did he skip town already?'. I asked what does she mean and she says, 'Well your last two boyfriends left you. I was betting how long will it take.'
I just sat there trying to grasp what she just said. She again went on a rant about how she made the right choice by getting married at 21 so she doesn't have to deal with all that dating nonsense and how lucky she is and it is all because she is not some street wh0re.
I snapped at her and said literally nobody gives a f*ck about her or her perfect family. Millions of people get married every year so she is not some special snowflake. She has no identity besides being a housewife which she only got because of a ring.
She didn't achieve anything big. All she does is scrolls through tiktok and social media and gossips with her equally shallow friends. And she needs to get over herself because she is not unique because she got tied down and leave us alone.
The people in there was shocked. They all continued the party but after I left I got a message from Amanda that I am an AH for yelling at her in front of her husband and that being a so-called strong independent woman has made me bitter and that I will die alone with cats.
My aunt (her mom) also asked me to say sorry and that just because I am jealous of her daughter doesn't mean I had to scream like that. I am just proving her daughter's point right. So, am the a**hole?
Here were the top comments from readers after the initial post:
NTA and it looks like you found more people to block!
NTA It sounds as though she is constantly belittling, and demeaning you for choosing a different life path than hers. I think that if anyone is jealous it is probably her. People who are happy and content in their life don't generally seek to find fault with others.
I respect women who choose to be sahm, if their partner agrees and they can afford it that is wonderful for them. I think that women who choose differently deserve the same level of respect. Whether a woman prefers to remain single or childfree is no one's business.
In criticizing your life, she is criticizing every woman who ever chose to live a life different from hers and that should not be tolerated by anybody. Trying to shame you does not make her look better, it makes her judgmental and misogynistic.
NTA. She can dish it out but she can't take it. Don't apologize. You are probably not the only one who is sick of her.
Does Amanda know that people like her also get cheated on/divorced? Then what would she do? No work experience or a major gap in her employment history isn't going to work in her favour is it?
Tbh, the pushing 40 comment?! You are 33! I am 34, I'm not pushing just yet! Just because she has her life planned and wrapped in a pretty pink bow doesn't mean that anyone who disagrees or lives their life differently is wrong. I would not apologise. She has been able to get away with her misogynistic and condescending attitude long enough. NTA.
Three days later the OP returned with an update angle that we don't think anyone was expecting:
Hello guys, I didn't realize that I would get so much attention. Some of the comments were hilarious. Well, I have a good news and a bad news. The good news is that I found out that I am pregnant. YAY!
That kinda explains why I lashed out rather than just ignoring Amanda's comments. My boyfriend proposed to me the moment he learned about the pregnancy. He further said he had been planning on proposing to me 6 months ago which would have happened on my birthday next month but the pregnancy just seals the deal.
He promised me that he would give me a better proposal. And about Amanda, we are not speaking yet but there was a thing with her husband.
You see her husband and I are amicable but not close. It is just simple 'hi' and 'hello'. So, I was shocked when I got an email from him. The email said that he was sorry for his wife's behavior at the dinner table. He kept saying I do not deserve the treatment his wife gave. He pushed her a lot to apologize to me.
And now here is the kicker. He mentioned he kept a news article of me from 2 years ago. You see 2 years ago, me and my friends volunteered to feed 100 homeless and poor people on Christmas. It was my idea but my friends helped a lot.
We organized the whole thing and paid for the stuff. I was the leader of this. The local newspaper picked up the story and they did an interview. My picture was there with a small segment in the newspaper.
Later on, the same newspaper did another interview when I volunteered at my local homeless shelter. I basically just help them to find jobs and prepare them for interviews. Kinda like a life coach.
Jerry, Amanda's husband kept both of those papers with him. He said that he has always admired my drive and passion to help people. He is really 'swooned' by it. He wishes his wife was like me. It really creeped me out. Tell me you do not find that creepy.
Yesterday, my aunt (Amanda's mother) came to my home and accused me of seducing Jerry. She further said Amanda was crying because her husband fought with her after what she said to me.
Her husband was adamant that she say sorry to me. And during their fight he let it slip out that Amanda will never be as good as I am because she is a boring housewife while I am someone who is actually doing something that makes a difference.
My mom asked me if Jerry ever tried to flirt with me. I don't know what to say. I didn't mention the email because this will complicate the situation even more. My mom asked me to show my aunt the messages between Jerry and I so that she stops accusing me. I did.
The last conversation I had with Jerry was in Sept 09, 2022 during Amanda's birthday. He wanted to check if I was coming to the party or not. That's it. Like I said, I never had any serious conversation with him other than some 'hi' and 'hello'. I am so confused now. I still haven't told my mom or anyone about my proposal or pregnancy.
I think I should make it clear why I find Jerry's mail a little creepy. If it was just an apology on behalf of his wife. I would have gotten it. But it says he kept a news article from 2 years ago of me. Even I didn’t keep that because it was a small segment where they wrote it.
Also the fact that he had never approached me about it. I have been doing charity work for 8 years now. He knows it but never approached me about it. He literally said he was 'swooned by' me. Which is why I find a little creepy. But maybe I am reading too much into it because I feel like it is my fault they are having problems.
After this upsetting update, here is what readers following the story had to say:
It seems like Jerry wanted a housewife at first but then decided that he didn’t and started talking about OOP all the time, judging by the newspaper and the fact that Amanda might be insulting OOP as a way of lashing out, though at the wrong person.
Congratulations OP! I have a sneaky suspicion Jerry is tired of his wife putting people down instead of volunteering and helping people like you did.
Isn't it ironic that Amanda took pride in being a housewife and criticized OP for being a career woman. Now her dear husband is obsessed with OP. So much so he kept news articles that dates back 2 years ago.
“Auntie, how could I possibly seduce Jerry? I am just a career woman, according to both you and your daughter, I have nothing to offer a man. In fact, isn’t it more likely my exes all left me because your daughter showed them what they were missing?”
Sounds like jerry talks about OP a LOT at home, and his wife insults OP to feel better about herself. Methinks holly homemakers life isnt all sunshine and rainbows.