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Husband won't defend wife against his dad's 'sexist' comments because her 'bad mood'.

Husband won't defend wife against his dad's 'sexist' comments because her 'bad mood'.


Families fight all the time, and sometimes that means taking sides.

When a father took the wrong side, according to his wife, he came to Reddit to explain the entire situation:

'AITA for telling my wife not to talk to my dad, but I will continue to?'

RoadTrip6 writes:

A month ago my oldest turned sixteen. For his sixteenth birthday, the plan was to let him skip school, get to the DMV when it opens, take the driving test, go on a small road trip, be back around when school gets out and then all go out for a family dinner.

On the weekend would be his celebration with his friends. Skipping school for the DMV test was planned in advance, but the road trip was a surprise.

A few days before the road trip, my wife asked me to take our three year old with me that day. I said I wasn't taking a toddler to the DMV; that place is a cesspit. Also the road trip is for additional driving practice before he's able to drive unsupervised. A toddler distracting him is not a good idea.

My wife said she wanted the day to herself and if I wasn't willing to take our toddler, the birthday stuff needs to be moved to the weekend so I can.

I said I would take our toddler to work with me the next day, but our oldest's birthday is his day, so he's the priority. She got angry and said she's made a hundred sacrifices for our kids, and saying she isn't a priority (not what I said) is disgusting.

It was a big fight. My son's birthday she texted me that I'm an a-hole multiple times. At the dinner she was in a bad mood.

After everyone ate, my dad asked us all to go out to the parking lot. He handed the keys to his car to my son, saying he was getting a new one. He also said he would continue to pay the insurance for a year.

My wife asked me if I knew about this, and I didn't. She didn't believe me.

My wife has called and texted my dad multiple times asking if he is going to do this for all of our kids, saying he shouldn't have done this without asking us first and telling him if he can't do this for all the kids, he needs to take the car back.

Eventually he told her shut up and stop bothering him. My wife told me I need to stop talking to my dad. She said he used offensive language (he texted 'stop bothering me woman' which she says is sexist) towards her and I need to support her.

I said she needs to stop talking to my dad, not me. I'll support her not talking to him.

My wife said I am disrespecting her, that I won't listen when she says she needs help and let my family treat her poorly. I think she is creating these situations herself. She looks for offense and then finds it. Am I the a-hole?

Who do you think the A-hole is? OP for ignoring his wife's wishes? The wife for trying to ruin a birthday? Or the grandpa for disrespecting his DIL?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

Tdm85129 says:

NTA (Not the a-hole). I can’t believe anyone would think that taking the three year old to your older son's driving test and road trip on his birthday would be the time for a break. That’s a punishment for your older child. This whole thing smells of something bigger. Is your older son hers biologically?

OP answers:

He is. They have had their struggles in the past, but I thought that was behind us. Also, this time she isn't fighting with him; she's fighting with me and my dad. So I don't know why this is happening.

Comprehensive_Fly350 asks:

Ok so maybe: who does the majority of childcare and housechores? Is the repartition equal ? And what did she mean when she said she feels you don't listen when she says she needs help.

Also saying 'woman' in a disagreement like that sounds patronizing and condescending. I would consider it sexist. Being sexist is not just 'having a problem with women' in the sense of 'I hate women' but it surely includes being patronizing to them.

OP replies:

We do it as a family. The kids have chores. We all clean up after ourselves. I load the washer in the morning, she switches it to the drier. I iron. She put the clothes away. We each cook our different specialties. Anyway, I'm not going to argue for or against what my dad said, but I'm not going to quit talking to him either.

Critical-Vegetable26 says:

She seems to not like the 16 yr old. Does she put a lot of chores/childcare on the oldest?

OP answers:

She doesn't put them on him. He contributes because he is a member of the household.

awry_lynx responds:

You have been alluding a lot to this tension between them. Presumably it is not relevant to your current situation but what's the problem between them? Is she maybe trying to punish him specifically somehow?

From OP:

She just never bonded with him like the others because he was unplanned.

throwaway98cgu566 wants to know:

Does your wife get a lot of time to herself? You say you have 6 kids. I assume they're hers as well. You're going on a road trip with your child but she's not involved? Will she be involved in her son's birthday in some way? Also will your father be gifting the other kids the same way when their turn comes? That seems like a reasonable thing to discuss with the parents.

OP says:

Yeah, she travels a lot for work, which isn't really time to herself per se, but there's downtime, and she sees all these different cities and has it paid for. She didn't want to go on the road trip. That was never even a suggestion. But we all went and got dinner as a family that night.

I don't know. I didn't ask. Seems greedy.

No-Pollution9735 comments:

It is not greedy to ensure that all your kids are treated equally. It is not fair that your eldest gets a car and not the others. It is probably not something that is comfortable to ask, but it is your duty as a parent.

You wife is right here, and you are not supporting as you should have, and because he is your father. Plus, calling her 'woman' like he did in his context is definitely sexist and you should have backed her there.

WholeSilent8317 asks:

So he is misogynistic?


No, I don't think he is. Is there some secret meaning to calling someone 'woman' I'm not aware of? I was under the impression it's just old-fashioned.

Wieniethepooh says:

It's offensive, trust us, and trust her. I have a feeling there might be more things bothering your wife that you might be missing.

WinterBeetles explains:

Being referred to as “woman” like that is incredibly demeaning and sexist. All the other stuff aside, you need to back your wife up on this issue and understand it was wrong for your dad to say that. I don’t care if he was annoyed.

And let’s be real; it’s a very generous gift but I would also be upset if my in-laws did something like this without even consulting us. However that doesn’t mean she handled things correctly.

Wow, there's a lot going on here. Too much, one could say!

Maybe OP's wife shouldn't have reacted the way she did, but OP certainly doesn't seem to have her back when it comes to his father's sexism. I bet we would all love to hear the mom's side of the story...

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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